Feeling a little mismatched

MD5677 started this discussion · 3/11/2015

For my over 50 counterparts. Do you sometimes feel it a little strange when most of your poling " friends" are so much younger? I am a pretty friendly person and have found myself pretty involved in my expanding poling community. Sitting around and gabbing after class, going to poling events together and the like. However, some times I am like " what are you doing? These women are so much younger and don't want to hear about your hot flashes!

15 replies

Veena · 3/11/2015
I can see where going to some Pole events and a studio filled with younger people might make you feel like the odd one out. I've been in that position a few times when it comes to classes ( not pole ) and it does sometimes feel like "why am I here" Also, there are very few Pole Professionals with 4 kids, and I often feel like I can't relate to their lifestyle and they can't to mine as well, I also don't drink (because I am cheap and don't like to drink anything without food) so I'm often not part of the main crowd at pole events. All I can tell you is when I was in my 20s I never thought, of someone in their 50 and over as "mismatched" or "out of place" like in the gym where I use to work. I always admired someone who was older than myself still doing what they WANTED to do. I also have never thought as 50 being old, but maybe that's because my mom had me in her 40s. I know for sure there are a lot of over 50 here, so hopefully they'll see this and reply. :)
AllysonKendal · 3/11/2015
I'm probably going to echo Veena here... I do feel out of place amongst my "peers" in general. I had my son at 18... so my son's friends parents (he is 11 now) are older than me, plus we live town that tends to be older... and that makes me feel really young sometimes, and not in a great way either... it makes me feel like a child. Also by nature I'm a tad ditzy and easy going when it comes to my son... and I think they see it as irresponsible. He gets excellent grades. I don't know when his tests are because I don't need to hound him to study, he takes it upon himself (plus is not a big talker).. so when they say "did you hear about how they only gave the 1 days notice to study for the test... I can only think to myself "what test?" and it really doesn't matter cause he did fine and didn't freak out he only had a day to study. Anyway, sometimes I feel like they look at me as a bad mom. But my kid kicks ass, so I'm doing something right. Now all my 29 year old friends are having weddings and babies and I'm so far past that point in my life I feel out of place with them too. I can't relate and everything has changed since I've had my son... the advancement in breast pump technology has apparently come a long way. Haha. But I did go to a bar with my only single friend and I felt like a grandma in a college bar and I wanted to run away as fast as possible... So I completely get it. I feel at such a different point in my life than basically anyone... but pole is this great thing that I feel like makes me feel happy and not alone. This community makes me feel happy and not alone. Its beautiful. I've poled with a few ladies in your age bracket and I have to say I have more in common with them than a lot of people my own age :) PS- my coworkers talk about their hot flashes all the time and I don't mind :P Hopefully someone has something more productive to add, I just wanted to say "i get it" :)
Phoenix Hunter · 3/11/2015
Im in my 30's. I feel like I usually fit in better or have more in common with the ladies in my class who are in their 50's. I dont have children probably never will, most of those women have children that are grown and out of the house. I live a comfortable life and am able to be a little selfish and spend time and money on me. my friends are in the same situation as me. now most of the women who are actually my age or younger have kids and lives that I just cant relate to. I also do not drink so I dont do much of the partying that my younger friends do so I miss out on that. I honestly dont feel an age difference with the women I am friends with who are older than me. you are just drawn to people who have the most in common with you. I am lucky that mys studio has women and men of all ages and types. I really feel like pole erases age, culture, weight, all those things just dont matter. pole is the great equalizer.
wolfwitharose · 3/11/2015
Although a bit younger (40) then I know what you ... and Veena (with my many kids) and Allyson (having first kid at 20) .... feel :-). Most girls in my studio are half of my age, but I don't mind. The younger girls seem to pick up things quicker, they are stronger...but I point my toes, I kick my legs higher and am much more flexible (from doing yoga for years). Even tried twerking in another studio where there were mostly teens... kids even younger than my big sons. I totally rocked there as I had much better body awareness. I feel young and powerful for doing what I really like to do. Im super proud of my body and youthfulness, i feel girly and I hate words like age-appropriate... Just focus on what you can do, what you are good at and how you feel about it :-). I hope to keep poling as long as my body can keep up with this and sad that I just found this new love of mine. This is the only thing why I envy these girls at my studio, that they can enjoy poling longer than I, but then again... there are people who dont have even that what I have. This is how i see it..
poleisnewtome · 3/11/2015
From personal experience, being on both sides of the situation, I think whatever awkwardness one feels is on the part of yourself and not because of any negative vibes coming from the other people. I think that, for the most part, when a group of people of different ages share a common experience, for example, working together doing the same job, the differences kind of become less noticeable.
MD5677 · 3/11/2015
I really agree that poling is the great equalizer. When in pole class, I absolutely don't notice age and there are women in my classes that are my age and all is good. However most of my interaction with young adults is as "my daughter's mother". So interacting with these women outside of class is an interesting and unexpected consequence of poling. Not complaining - just strikes me as odd every once in a while.
CD Hussey fka Jivete · 3/13/2015
I never feel odd with adults, regardless of age, but taking classes with kids is kinda strange. Not for pole of course, but in silks and lyra there are lots of young girls where I'm older than their moms. That sometimes feels a little weird.
Wcox · 3/13/2015
Interesting....outside of pole the majority of my friends are significantly older than I am by 20+ years. I tried to hang out with people my age and it was an epic failure. I think I was born in the wrong generation!
ambience24z9338 · 3/14/2015
Thanks for this post. I was feeling out of place when I signed here. First I felt too old to be poling because most of the older society back home frowns apon it because of the stigma that was placed on alot of things. Second I felt out place because of my body type. Now I never knew anyone else age on here but I feel even better knowing I'm not the only one that felt mismatched. :) At the studio here there is only one person that is older than me and she is so motivating jus like everyone on here. :) Thanks for encouraging me.
grayeyes · 3/15/2015
Well I'm not 50 but I'm getting there--I'm 45 years old. The thread below will show you just how many of us there are, and there are a number of other threads along the same lines. You are certainly not alone. :-) https://www.studioveena.com/forums/view/534f2546-1450-43f1-808f-22d60a9aa0eb
Paunobs · 3/16/2015
I'm almost 53, I only pole at home, I did feel out of place in the studio, these were my own feelings though I now know that the young ones love us oldies. We inspire them :-)
denisedh2730 · 3/16/2015
I turn 51 this year and my main pole partner is 54. We have a group with an instructor who is 34 and 2 other ladies in their 20's. I teach beginning pole and I think because of my age, women who are closer to me in age feel more willing too come to class, especially when I tell them the benefits to me of pole like strength and weight loss. I know what you mean though and feel lucky to have some polers my age.
chriswarner · 3/17/2015
I am 62 1/2 and have been poling for nearly 3 years now. Since I started I have never felt out of place, everyone in class has a common aim which makes a bond between classmates. Before I went to my first class I was worried that an age difference might be an issue, how wrong I was. I was made so welcome in class and all the people that I have encountered in my pole journey so far have been the most wonderful lovely people I have ever met. The result of pole is that it has made me fitter and happier than at any time in my life, so I feel that I am not older than the youngsters in class, I have just had fun for longer.
TheKyaraTyler · 3/17/2015
I am sure I am not the youngest person to respond to this post, but I just wanted to say I love it when I see a diverse age range of women in pole classes. Its a reminder that we are celebrating dance, sensuality, and FITNESS. NOT YOUTH. ;) I plan on pole dancing as long as my body will let me, and in fact my body will probably be better off for it :)
hookedonpole · 3/17/2015
I am 59, been poling since about 50. I have two home studios miles apart, have visited/taken classes at many other studios and never felt out of place. The only time(s) I feel mismatched is when being in a class where some sensual moves are included as part of dance or warm up. My body doesn't move in that way and I feel like a dufus, also lack of flexibility makes me feel horrible during warm-up/routine, etc. Otherwise, no matter what age difference is, I feel part of class/pole and welcomed by all. I might add, I am usually asked by someone who I don't know how old I am, at pole class and the studio I go to for boot camp workout. And am told "hope I can do what you do when I'm that age". Gotta love it! That being said, I understand with the Sitting around and gabbing after class, going to poling events together, hanging out outside of pole, etc. I tend to feel out of place. I do hang out outside of pole depending on the event, function, etc. because it's fun. But if I feel I'll be out of place as an "old fogie" I will pass. Don't forget...WE ROCK!!!