Fallen off the wagon again...

Runemist34 started this discussion · 6/5/2011

Ugh, I wanted to express some frustration, and perhaps ask for some help! It happens to me all the time, but now it's become more pronounced. I LOVE to pole, I'll never give it up, but after 3 years, you'd think I'd be farther along than this. You'd think I could do all those wonderful moves I've always wanted to do, but unfortunately, I can't. I keep dropping the ball, and now I've noticed that I'm doing it in other areas, too. Eating properly (like, more than once a day!) and sleeping (as in, sleeping during the night, rather than from 4am to 11am) are things I've been working on...and it just shut down in the last week or so. I woke up today at 11am, again. I haven't eaten anything, and it's nearly 2pm. I procrastinate all day because I want to get ON with my day, and that sounds so backwards, but it seems to be what's happening. So, there you go. I haven't gotten on the pole for like, 2 weeks. I haven't eaten or slept properly in about half a week. I'm frustrated and I don't want to do this again! Thus, I ask, how do you keep it up? How do you keep doing it, day after day, week after week, until it becomes routine? Even when you're tired and uninspired and don't frigging want to do it, how do you get on with it?

20 replies

JeHanne · 6/5/2011
Sounds like you are being really hard on yourself! Have you tried having some convenient foods on hand so you can have just a little something before you start your day? Even if a handful of nuts or a low fat string cheese etc? I have worked with nutritionists before and they would get very upset with me when I would only eat a single meal in a day. One of them would draw a huge arrow pointing downwards on my journal page and say that is what I was doing to my metabolism. I try to have convenient snacks that are relatively healthy on hand because often times I lose my appetite and do not want to eat at all. Or I am busy and forget. You have been poling 3 years... pat yourself on the back! We are really setting ourselves up for crummy negative self talk when we get mad at ourselves for things that we 'should' be doing by now. If there is a move you really want... make a plan on how to attack it! Do you need more flexibility, strength, balance? Know thy enemy!!! hee hee. Journaling really helps me with consistency. I write down my workout sessions and when I see all the progress I am making I am more motivated to get back at it. I found a monthly desk calendar that I use to journal my exercise. I do not have tons of advice or suggestions but can empathize. Not sleeping or eating consistently will make anyone feel yucky... I hope you feel much better soon!
Runemist34 · 6/5/2011
Thanks JeHanne! You sound just like me on the eating thing. I forget, or I don't feel like it, or whatever...I tend to go "Oh, gee, you mean it's been THAT long since my last meal? How did that happen?" But these days, because my sleeping is back to being all silly, I end up just sleeping through what would be "breakfast" time, and most of lunch, and so I end up having one meal, and sometimes two. I try to have snacks around a lot, but I'm not terribly good at making them. I keep wanting to make salads and stuff to take to work, but end up not having the time to make them, or that kind of thing. Excuses, excuses, I suppose...salads aren't really that difficult. I know that for Pole, strength has been one of my bigger issues. I started taking up weights for much of my workout, and that seemed to be working well! My split grips were working out a lot better when I did that, too ;) That's why I get so frustrated...usually when I 'relapse' it's when I'm making some awesome progress, and then I have to work so hard to get back to it. I suppose 2 weeks isn't so bad, though...considering my last one was like 8 months!
JeHanne · 6/5/2011
Hi Runemist34, I hear ya... how hard is a salad to throw together. Its hard enough to keep me from doing it consistently! ; ) I have a stash of 'healthier' frozen meals so when I run out to door without packing lunch I can grab one of those. I have found convenience is the best way for me to stay on track.... so having things like yogurt, fruit, frozen meals on hand is essential. When I cook I cook in bulk and freeze it. 2 weeks is nothing! You will be back in the swing of things in no time. Do you have access to Veena's lessons? She recently made a strength pole workout that is awesome! Finding what works for you is what matters. I need a drill sergeant to keep me in line. : )
Miraine · 6/5/2011
Hey Runemist, Some of this sounds pretty familiar to me. I struggle with motivation and procrastination a lot. I find even if I've managed to keep up a routine for quite a few weeks (eating sensibly, exercise, whatever), it only takes missing *one* day, and that's it, all the good work of trying to establish the good habit is undone. That missed day just seems so symbolic of me having failed to stick to it, that I just get overwhelmed by that. I guess we need to let go of the missed days / weeks / months, not beat ourselves up over them, and just... get back to things to the best of our abilities! I think a lot of my procrastination is because I want to do interesting things, but I have a bunch of boring stuff that "needs" doing, so I don't let myself do the fun stuff out of guilt over the more important things... But lack of doing fun things gets you down and leaves you hating the prospect of those necessary things! I've no idea if this is at all how you feel, but I think there's a lot of value to just accepting that the boring stuff just isn't going to get done sometimes, so you might as well do something you *want* to do, rather than waste the whole day :)
BACE16 · 6/5/2011
My boyfriend always gives me this answer, I hate hearing it, but its always what I need. "You'll do it when your ready!" I always respond that I'm ready right now, but I know I'm really not. Are you ready to really work out and get a regular routine? Are you really ready to eat properly? Have you really hit your point of such frustration and being fed up with yourself for not doing it that your finally ready? I only hit this point about 3 weeks ago when I went to my yearly OBGYN appointment, I was niave about my weight and size, but the dr office scale didn't lie, I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Since then I've been tracking my food/exercise everyday with my phone, I bought Veena's lessons, and I have the Mayo clinic's book about keeping a healthy diet for a lifetime being shipped to me. I'm still waiting for when I'm finally really ready to start work a master's degree lol
LoneStarDiva · 6/5/2011
Have you ever condisered St. John's Wort? My mother and daughter both have (had) anxiety issues (schitzophrenia, PTSD, or?? who knows.) ANYWAY... do a little research, and maybe try some small doess. It's herbal and pretty safe. I hav a friend who has also used it and it makes him much more 'balanced' and funcitoning. Best wishes.
nymphdancer · 6/6/2011
Do NOT take St Johns wort if you use birth control pills as your form of birth control it pretty much renders them ineffictive.
Runemist34 · 6/6/2011
Hehe, Nymph, as much as the pill was effective in keeping me from having babies, I'm not on it...it was a contributor to my extreme hormonal changes, and my depression. ;) I don't know much about St Johns wort, so I may have to research it! I know about a lot of herbal remedies for things that I can't take, because they effect me too strongly. Such as Valerian root for sleeping...screws me up for like 24 hours, where with my husband or a friend of mine, they can take like twice the dose and be fine! I'm just weird like that. Bace16, I can see your point, but it's not often the frustration that causes me to get on with things. I was frustrated with being depressed, but that didn't stop me from doing it! I'm frustrated more because I can't figure out the cause for my swings in preference, as there doesn't seem to be a pattern, at least as far as I know. I'm also the heaviest I've ever been, but not the largest. And, besides that, saying that I'm the heaviest I've ever been isn't saying much! I was terribly thin all the way up till my puberty, and since then, I've been waiting for things to settle down! Miraine, yeah, we do sound alike! The lack of fun things, I noticed, in my dancing really gets me down. I don't really enjoy strength training or stretching (though I enjoy the effects!), but I enjoy the dancing itself, so I always try to put some dancing in there when I work out! And while I generally tend not to beat myself up too much on the single-day front, I do the opposite..."Oh, well, it's just one day, I'll be fine..." and then two days, three days, and before I know it, it's been a week or more! It's frustrating me more that I don't feel the passion for dancing all the tme. I'm not sure what makes that happen. I know that when I go back to it, I'm always very happy, excited to do it, even obsessed...I know I should stay away for at least a day to let my body rest, but I want to dance and be on that thing so much! And yet, now, I could care less. It doesn't make sense to me! I suppose I'll just have to power through it.
Chwenny · 6/6/2011
Hi Runemist34, Try making baby steps! If you sleep at 4am, it's hard to suddenly sleep at 11pm. Just aim to wind down and sleep by 330am first, then if it works, go for 3am, etc.. The point is to be kind with yourself and not put too much pressure on. Hope it helps..
Katherine McKinney · 6/7/2011
Four in the morning seems like a pretty normal bedtime to me! ;) Is there something special you have to be up for in the morning? Thankfully, I don't teach until six at night, so I feel that four am is a pretty reasonable bedtime. I've always been a night owl, so I've just stopped fighting it. Also, do you find that after you take a break, you come back stronger when poling? Because of moving and buying a house and teaching doubles, I had to take almost a month off of poling, and while my first couple of practices were miserable, a lot of moves I'd been trying suddenly clicked--like the TG handspring and the dangerous bridge. Basically, I agree with everyone. You're being way hard on yourself! I hate strength training, too, so dancing is my strength training. The reason I pole in the first place is to have fun. That's why this is the only form of exercise that ever worked for me. I'm with you--strength training is the pits.
Runemist34 · 6/7/2011
Chwenny, I will try that. Sounds a lot easier than trying to just jump right over! AerialMck, yees, a couple special somethings! Sometimes I open at work, and I have to be up for 8am (or sometimes even 7am), so going to bed at 4am just doesn't cut it! Also, my husband. He's the daytime songbird, so he likes me to be up when he's up...and since we both work, it's hard to see him anytime other than in the morning, and the evening. You make an interesting point...I have noticed that when I take breaks, when I come back, certain moves simply seem easier. I actually started hooping again, and before I couldn't get ANYTHING to work, and now I'm doing rather well! Seems to be a theme for me! And yes, I tried to make dancing my strength training...it worked for a bit, but I wanted to go a bit further with my lifts and trying to invert properly, so that's why I started the weights. Perhaps when I get into more of the inverted stuff and more strength-heavy things, I won't need them ;)
JeHanne · 6/7/2011
I am spending time doing strength training too but instead of weights I am doing full body exercises like plank, pilates ab moves, and Veena's strength lesson! Pole holds and climbs... things like that. I am stronger now than when I started but a long way to go. I like what you said about hopefully one day the moves themselves will be the strength training... I am sure looking forward to that! : )
RoseMay · 6/8/2011
Well, what keeps me motivated to train on a regular basis is this quote: "If you really want to do it you'll find a way. If not you'll fnd an excuse." So what I do is ask myself whether I really want to achieve something, f.e. the splits. And since the answer is yes I know I need to work on it. And I might as well do it today, because I know it will take a lot of time to achieve the goal 🙂 (And no, I'm not by nature an active person, I know everything you wrote about procrastination too well 😀 )
Flexx10 · 6/9/2011
Rune ~ Sounds like you may suffer from some mild to moderate depression. I say that because I suffer from depression and if I stop taking my meds, I feel the same way you seem to be feeling. It took me a while to realize that I was truley depressed because I did not have suicidal thoughts or constant crying etc. ~ Things I considered to be depression. It was much more subtle than that. It was the lack of motivation, lack of interest, not wanting to do the things I normally wanted to do and so on... Finally, I went to my physician and was diagnosed with mild/moderate depression. This was shocking to me because I always have a smile on my face and love to make people laugh and have fun ~ But sometimes our insides don't always match our outsides! I was put on Bupropion and it seems to working! I would suggest talking with your doctor. There is no need for anyone to suffer with depression, no matter how mild it is. There is also no shame in taking meds to help you deal with it!
Runemist34 · 6/9/2011
Flexx10 - You make an interesting observation. I don't know if I ever actually told the full story around here, but I've been a sufferer of depression for quite a long time. Since highschool actually, and all through it. I was pretty bad, crying every day, complete apathy to school work, freaking out at random at my friends. Most of that, unfortunately, masked a rather insidious and horrible anxiety that I had about people, my fears and also my anger was always supressed because I never thought it normal. It was only when I started allowing myself to look at it and really feel it that I started getting better! That was, actually, after I dropped out for 4 months from my grade 12 year...I returned and got my diploma, but that was a tough road. About three years ago, I began a 1 year long hiatus from all working or major responsibility, because I simply couldn't handle it. I was so depressed I was almost back to where I was when I was a teenager. That one year was the best thing I could ever have done, and my Major depressive disorder is gone...and now I deal with only the anxiety. Or, so I thought. Having lived with depression for so long, I recognize the signs, but I suppose I've been in denial. Yes, I do recognize this as a mild form of depression, and yes, it's quite frustrating! I appreciate you saying it, though. I don't take drugs (nor will I) because I know what they do, and I know that they are not meant to be a permanent fix. However, I may spend some time thinking about this possiblity. As it is mild, I'm not entirely sure what I'll have to do to fix it...but I'll be sure not to deny it again. ;)
Flexx10 · 6/10/2011
I totally understand your not wanting to take meds! The only natural thing that works for me is running! Not sure if you are a runner or not... In my opinion we are all runners, some of us just aren't aware of it yet 😀 I've solved many problems during my runs!
LoneStarDiva · 6/10/2011
Here's a pretty informative site for St. John's Wort: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/natural/329.html
pegasusaerialfitness · 6/11/2011
I'm in my 40's and have been around the block a few times....so.that being said. I find it a lot easier to be true to my own natural clock. Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, and pole when you feel like it. And be Okay with that. This is your life, don't live it with someone else's standards. Trust yourself and know thyself. if you are bored, than do something that interests you. I find that being creative, painting, drawing, singing, or making something can help bring me out of my funk. Teach yourself how to do something...for example.. Make a model airplane or learn to crochet. Keep your mind young and inspired with doing things you don't normally do. There once was a time in my life that I think I slept for almost 6 months in a sense...and then one day the light went on and I decided to open my own business..that was my path. I knew it with all my heart and soul, and I wouldn't have gotten there without the "low time" to quiet my mind and help me discover my "core" being... Look at this 'funk" as a time of growth and be open to what it is telling you..so ask yourself and be open to the anwer, no matter how bizare that anwer is. Then take the steps to get there, and be open to any tools that might be nescessary to get there. Whether it be Saint John's Wart or what ever it is. Oh PS.. I use Insure(the drink, chocolate is good0 for snacks or a piece of cheese. It only takes a second and there you have a "meal"
Runemist34 · 6/11/2011
Pegasus, I can't thank you enough. I think that's totally what I needed to hear. I'm very bad for comparing myself to others, and thinking that I "should" be doing something, even when I don't want to. On the topic of sleep...well, yes, it is easier to go with my own, current body clock...but when one opens the store at 9am, like this morning, one cannot usually sleep in till 12! It's unfortunate, but true. And, I know I will eventually be healthier for the change in sleep schedule, because I'll end up sleeping correctly (not getting distracted by things like husband, cat, or stuff outside!), I won't oversleep as often, and I can be more active. Sounds strange, but I'm actually more active during the day, IF I'm awake during the day! But yes, I totally see what you're saying. And, I agree with you. Thank you :) Oh yeah, and I'm gonna probably buy some of those Insure things...because I like them, they're tasty, and you have a good point. Lunch at work would be a lot easier with those, too!
pegasusaerialfitness · 6/11/2011
You are so welcome.....Darn work:) Really gets in the way of the creative process. Be good and kind to yourself.