Etiquette and removing poles for guests...

johnssdeere started this discussion · 4/10/2014

I've been struggling with whether or not I should take my poles and fly down as my dad and brother are coming for a quick visit. Everyone in my family knows about my pole work, but that doesn't mean they are supportive. My dad could careless now and has seen me stunting on the pole. My brother, however, has had hurtful words (especially publicly on fb) about pole dancing. Today I asked my dad if I should take the poles down (our front formal living area is the pole zone, so it literally hits you in the face when you walk in the front door). He told me leave them up, it's my life and my home.... Maybe we can get him to play on it! I laughed at that part. So at this point they are staying up, but do you ever feel obligated to take them down for others?

18 replies

Veena · 4/10/2014
Nope, I leave mine up!! My family wasn't always supportive some still have issues with all the poles in my home, but it's your home. I feel if I hide it it's only confirming to them that pole is dirty or something done in private. For a while my in laws refused to stay at our house because of the poles, however, they now stay and we have a good time even with a big ass pole in the main living space! 😊
CrazyKosters · 4/10/2014
I have mine in my living room and wouldn't take it down to please anybody. If someone has a problem with it, that is their problem. They don't have to come over. Just tell him that your sorry he feels that way and it must be hard for you in life to be so ignorant. Or tell him to stay in a hotel if it bothers him that much... Especially making public comments about it on fb, I don't know the story or what was said but if it was my brother or anyone for that matter, I would have defriended him until he could be more respectful and mature.
SexyRockStarsWifeNowWidow · 4/10/2014
Mine is in the living room also. You see it when you walk in our front door. Only time I took it down was for Xmas, since we were hosting it. My sisters know that I pole dance, my parents do not unless someone else dropped the bomb about it. If we host Xmas Eve again, not sure if I will take it down or leave it up. We'll see ;) I've always been the wild child anyways...hehehe. My MIL has seen it and knows what it is, but hasn't said a word. :)
SToast · 4/10/2014
My FIL just came and installed new cabinets in my master bedroom. The pole stayed up. I love what i do and i agree with what Veena said about hiding it. It just reinforces thoughts of pole being dirty. However, if it is easier for YOU and your relationship with your brother then take it down if you want. You can't force people to change their minds. It's all about what will make their visit most enjoyable for you.
Kiyah · 4/10/2014
If I did own a pole it would be up all the time unless it would be in the way of an event I would be hosting, but I believe everyone I know pole dances or wants to learn. As many have said prior to me, it is your home and life so do as you please. Do not let anyone take away your joy. If people do not like what I do in my home they can act like they like it, ignore it, or leave. Not everyone is supportive in things we do for a number of reasons. If people or family cannot respect me outside of my home, I would not want to invite them into my home. On a side note, if it is not being used it can be a piece of furniture your brother can lean (the words of my boyfriend).
grayeyes · 4/10/2014
I don't take mine down for any guests. Right after I got it we had some old college friends over that we hadn't seen for years (all males) and my husband took the pole down (allegedly for my comfort although I doubt this). I didn't think I would be, but I was miffed that it was down. I am ridiculously proud of it and what I have learned, and it bothered me that I suspect he might have been a little embarrassed about it. We had a discussion about it and if he was embarrassed, which he won't admit, he's over it now. I can't think of who I would take it down for. I tell just about everyone I know that I pole. Mine's in my bedroom simply because that was the highest ceiling with enough space so I think that probably makes some people a little uncomfortable but they'll get over it--I'm not uncomfortable with it. I've had contractors in there and haven't had any weird comments or anything--everyone has been cool.
sjpeatey2875 · 4/10/2014
Isn't it just a pole holding your roof up??? lol And there are much worse things for people to find..... like the pest control guy opening your bathroom cupboard and things jumping out at him (really ... they fell out!!!!!! 8-0 - the horror!!!!) in saying that i haven't had anyone over yet since mine went up... and if i even attempted to take it down i think i might be met with 4 rather cranky children! lol
Katastrophe · 4/10/2014
I definitely leave mine up. And I always forget that others may not be so used to seeing it. So when we had some cleaning ladies come out to help us get the house ready for a family visit, they had a blaaast. "Oh my word! Is that a pole????" It was so cute. She even did a little twirly dance around the pole. Honestly, if you don't act like it's a big deal, other people won't act like it's a big deal. Just treat it like another piece of furniture.
Ava Madison · 4/10/2014
Nope; family, friends, neighbors, water man, cleaning lady... they all have to deal with it ;) It's part of me whether anyone likes it or not and I'm not removing such an important part of me from my life for someone else's conformability. Taking it down would feel like hiding it and that implies a feeling of shame and I'm not comfortable living there. I do have to say it is interesting watching people (like a new repair man) try to 'avoid' the area (even eye gaze) in the direction of my pole - everyone reacts a little differently but it's still fascinating. The level of acceptance varies per person - not everyone excepts it per say (I think my grandpa's way of dealing with it is to pretend it's a support beam) but they all know pole is very important to me, that what I am doing is healthy for me and that it's here to stay. :)
missyskinner · 4/10/2014
I agreen with what Ava has said ^
x falcon 3 0 x · 4/10/2014
I think you have the etiquette backwards here. You leave your pole up and either you ask your guests if they'd like a turn on it, like offering them a glass of water, or THEY ask your permission to use it. To answer your question though, a very respectful "hell no" ;)
Youngs7 · 4/11/2014
I have my pole in the front formal room as well and it is the first thing you see as soon as I open the front door; therefore, it's like having two invitations. First invite is from someone opening the front door and the second invite is from my pole in the front room. lol It is funny how this discussion just came up because I am having a birthday party for my 1 year old daughter this weekend and thought that maybe I should take it down just to be polite, but I decided to leave it up because the pole has changed my life. Poling is a part of my life and really helps me to express myself and strive to do more. Participating in poling is who I am and if anyone is uncomfortable, then it is not a requirement to be present here. What I've decided to do is have special gift bags for adults and surprise them with a gift if anyone decides to try it. My hubby is an officer, so it will be sort of weird to see how some of his friends may react once they see my pole in the front room. If hubby doesn't care, then why should I. In addition, we pay the bills here so why take my pole down to please someone else... That person will not be the one to grant me heaven or cast me to hell, so why should I deny who I am. As for my parents, they are waiting for me to get another pole so that they can take the one I have for themselves. lol With parents like that, why should I care what anyone else thinks. Thanks for the awesome discussion guys. :)
johnssdeere · 4/11/2014
Thank you everyone. At this point the boys will be staying up, especially with my dad here as a buffer.
capeleto · 4/11/2014
I keep my pole at my boyfriend's house and everyone is pretty curious about it. It's been awesome keeping it there, always up, so I have the chance to: 1. Enlighten people about Pole Dancing, people that often think of it as ONLY an exotic dance, and not an exercise, artistic dance (I love every aspect of pole dancing but people are very prejudiced towards it) so this is a great conversation starter 2. Any girl that sees it gets interested and I can convert them!! So I would totally keep it up!
missy1234 · 4/11/2014
I have mine in the middle if the living room. It blocks the view of the tv depending on where you are siting but I could care less about tv. I wouldn't take it down for anyone. My whole family knows about it. I had my daughter's 3rd birthday a few months ago and even my religious friends were okay with their daughters swinging on it because when the kids asked about it I told them it was workout equipment, like a ballerina uses, but my pole is straight up instead of horizontal so it's more fun!!
Dancing Paws · 4/11/2014
I leave mine up. I could care less if others have a problem with it. My house, so it stays up. It's not your problem, but your brothers. He can deal, IMO.
FoolsErrand · 4/12/2014
I take mine down when non-close friends come over, because my wife is too embarrassed about the questions when it isn't even hers.
Runemist34 · 4/12/2014
Specifically to your post, I think it's really unfortunate that your brother is being that way. In these cases I prefer the "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" sorts of behaviours- from him, I mean. Obviously this hasn't been his way, but perhaps you could speak to him about it (depending, of course, on your relationship with him and your level of comfort having that conversation), because it is not appropriate for him to be saying hurtful, stupid things about something that you so obviously love. On the "leaving my pole up" topic, I actually love leaving my pole up in public spaces of my house! Currently, my pole lives only in my bedroom- it's the only room that has enough space for me to dance in, so... it's rather unseen at the moment. However, the very first pole I got eventually was called my "stealth pole," because it was quite literally in the middle of the living room of our apartment... and NO ONE noticed it! They'd be over for a couple hours, and then all of a sudden "Hey, is that a stripper pole?" And I'd laugh, say that it is, and ask when they noticed it. Usually they would ask because they had only just noticed it! They'd do everything from walk around it to see me leaning on it, and not even figure out that it was there! I think I've only ever taken it down for some very elderly landlords who came to see us once, while we were in Victoria. I didn't take them as the "open minded" type about these things, so the pole went under the bed for a little bit. I strongly agree with Veena- if we take them down, we're perpetuating that they are something to be hidden, something we don't want to show others because we're ashamed, or shy, or somehow not very proud of them. So keep it up, and shove it in your brother's face >_>