Embarassed by Husband Finding my Practice Video :(

tashatasha started this discussion · 8/9/2009

My husband found my camera while I was taking a bath and watched three of my practice videos that I took last night. I am HIGHLY embarassed and angry. I lost almost all of my old dancer skills. I don't want him looking at that and thinking that it would look like that if other people were around. I am a private person. I don't easily post photos/video for anybody. I am mad that he doesn't know me enough to NOT watch the video because he should know how sensitive I am to things like that. I really meant to delete it all, but the camera fell down the side of the couch and I forgot. Is anybody else here not so open and willing to dance/pole for their husbands/boyfriends? I feel like a fat, no talent mutant. I really thought that I would still be half decent. (I stopped dancing three years ago) I really am so upset. I called my sister and cried. I am usually not a big crier. 🙁

19 replies

Castleoutsider · 8/9/2009
actually to be honest.. ive been at it for almost 2 years.. and i have yet to dance for him or even practice at home. the only things hes seen of me are my videos from the studio that weve been taking =) i think hes kinda envious that he doesnt get to be there to see it first hand =) i still owe him a dance th o.. rofl i told him i wanted to have a party at the studio for my birthday.. and he says "so im not invited?" rofls
PoleDanceABCs · 8/9/2009
Oh don't be embarassed! He loves you and hence he supports you, why else would he have gotten married to you? 🙂 I dance infront of the hubby all the time and it doesn't bug me even if I can't get a new move or trick. Most of my stuff isn't sexy though because I look at it as a workout or a challenge. A lot of times when I improve he will go "Wow" or "Good Job!" and I'm glad I have a witness to show that I'm getting better.
untamedshrew · 8/9/2009
I've been on the pole for almost a year. I've given the hubby 2 shows, birthday and anniversary. I just get nervous and stupid when he watches, even if the camera is on. I've seen many posts from others expressing the same thing.
tashatasha · 8/9/2009
He thinks that everything I do for myself should be for him too. I got boobs. He thinks they are his. I got a pole. He thinks it is his right to see me dance with it. I know. He is a douchebag. I will be leaving him as soon as I get my ducks in a row. It is really hard when you have nothing anymore because you threw it all away to be with them. 🙁 wah wah. sorry. I just got so angry about that. I would totally screw around and seriously practice around girl friends, too. I just don't feel comfortable dancing around my husband. I don't feel that the way I dance now is sexual in nature. I do it for me.
tashatasha · 8/9/2009
I've been on the pole for almost a year. I've given the hubby 2 shows, birthday and anniversary. I just get nervous and stupid when he watches, even if the camera is on. I've seen many posts from others expressing the same thing. Nervous and stupid is spot on for me. I just act dopey. I did the obnoxious butt wipe because if it wasn't THAT BAD I was going to post it on here. I even pointed and talked to the camera. At the end I crawled to turn the camera off with a pain face because my floor is mean. This was a good vent. I feel better now. My husband came out and tried to talk to me about it. We have been having mega issues and this isn't it. I keep pushing it all to the side and ignoring it though. ABC's you are so damn confident. I have already told you that I wish I could be like that. After all of this whining I am REALLY going to try to post a video of my progression. I have gained so much strength in the past two weeks of poling. I can already invert! I crashed today though. ..whoops. I was wearing pants.
PoleDanceABCs · 8/9/2009
He thinks that everything I do for myself should be for him too.Oh men, they like to think they have dominion over all. 🙄 It's good that you guys are going to talk things out. I push my hubby to talk to me even if he doesn't want to or says, "I'm tired, not now." I always say, "No, NOW!" By the end of our convo we are tired but we know why we were pissed. *hugs* I don't feel that the way I dance now is sexual in nature. I do it for me.And that is the way it should be... dancing is something very personal.
tashatasha · 8/9/2009
He thinks that everything I do for myself should be for him too.Oh men, they like to think they have dominion over all. 🙄 It's good that you guys are going to talk things out. I push my hubby to talk to me even if he doesn't want to or says, "I'm tired, not now." I always say, "No, NOW!" By the end of our convo we are tired but we know why we were pissed. *hugs* I am always insist on talking immediately, too. We have been trying for six months. I am going on a mini vacation next week to see if the heart grows fonder. I don't feel that the way I dance now is sexual in nature. I do it for me.And that is the way it should be... dancing is something very personal. Yeah..the package stuff I have already talked about on here before. YUCK! I always tell my sister that Lady Gaga got it right in her song where she just wants to go dance and forget about everything else. (at least that is what I get from that song) I can't believe my life has come to citing Lady Gaga! hahaha. She is so deep. 😀
verucablue · 9/3/2009
I get it...I have danced for a while now and never danced for my husband it has always been for me- oh sure he has been around when I have been practicing something but never actually seen me dance. One night I made a short little video of me showing a friend of mine how to do a spinning climb...no big deal really and one or two other moves, sent it off to her, forgot about it and left in on the hard drive of my computer. A YEAR later he was like..."Hey by the way cute video of you on the pole - to bad the doggy kept running up to you and trying to lick your feet" UGGG I was SOOOOO annoyed I erased it that day 🙂
GingerBaby79 · 9/4/2009
I can sympathize very well, I have recently taken up pole play for exercise & am nowhere close to comfortable using the pole in front of my man. I have never been a dancer & my guy used to practically live at the clubs down here for a long while until he decided to settle down. So in my head (even if it isn't true) I feel like he will look at me on the pole as joke since he has already seen so many other people who (hopefully) know how to work the pole right. I think if your man didn't critique what he saw & was kind about it, I would try to let it pass. I would love to one day feel secure in myself enough to do pole play in front of my man, even if I look like a complete fool while doing it.
RoxyPink · 9/4/2009
Ok...so I guess I'm going to be the "odd ball" on this thread! I have danced for my husband and I love to do it! I don't look at pole as being "mine" or my personal secret. Yes, I think to be sensual it has to be personal but also my husband benefits from EVERYTHING that is mine and vs versa. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't want mine to be his and his to be mine. Other than rediscovering sensuality in myself, pole has also taught me that I don't want to keep my dancing to myself...so if hubby wants to take a peak at my practice vids with all the wedgie pulling, aimless stares and the occasional "fluff" (I believe that is how it was stated in a previous thread) then he can have at it! I'm proud of what I've accomplished and where I've come over the past year and I want him to be apart of that....even if sometimes I still look like I don't know what I'm doing! Ok...off my soapbox... 😂
faerie_wench · 9/4/2009
I can completely relate to your frustration. I recently made my first vid, it wasn't great lol. Well I posted it to see what kind of feedback I'd get and everyone was very positive with their comments. So I was excited. I told my hubs that I made the vid thinking he would share in my excitement. I told him how to log into my account to watch it, (I had tried to email it to him but the file was waaaaayyyy to big) Later I asked if he had watched it and he said yeah but only half of it... he didn't say ANYTHING else! So of course I prod... big mistake! I find out that he stopped my vid and watched another one. Oh but that's not all... Stupid me pushes even more. So I ask him what he thought of what he did watch (that was the kiss of death) He proceeds to tell me that I look totally uncomfortable and self-conscience. So I ask "how do you mean?" He tells me that it's because I was wearing a skirt. Again I am retarded and keep pushing the issue only to find out that the other vid he watched the gal was dancing in booty shorts. So clearly I must be uncomfortable if I am wearing a skirt rather than my undies like her. So I tell him that had I been in my undies I would have been self conscience. Needless to say I was soooo beyond hurt; he didn't even have one positive thing to say to me. I nearly hung up on him. He's currently in Iraq so I don't get to talk to him very often so I changed the subject rather abruptly. He saw me dance years ago, so he remembers what I could do and now I can't do that but I guess he thinks that I should still be able to. I promptly changed my password so he can't log in again. Right now, I doubt I will ever dance for him. I'm sure though that once I feel comfortable I will, if he's nice to me. 🙂 Normally he's sooo very supportive of what I do; I'm not sure what was going on that day. It hurt me so bad that I almost took my pole down; I didn't but I haven't been on it much either. I now have a new outlook, I am going to do it for me and he can kiss my @$$. Hopefully he doesn't ask to watch me when he gets home becasue I'll probably tell him to f@$% off.
Kobajo84 · 9/4/2009
Some men are a little jealous that they're women are posting videos up of themselves dancing around what is considered a very sexy and sometimes they feel a personal experience that should be for "their eyes only." I think the perception of the pole fitness isn't clearly understood in their minds. I think a cute idea to make them feel more "at ease" and a part of your progress is you could create a youtube account for your videos in which you keep private and from posting publicly. Then allow them access to the account so they can have their own "private viewing." Remind them you're doing this as a workout- which is much the same as going to the gym. I very much doubt the fact that they would want to watch you at the gym working out on the treadmill but then again who knows and it actually could be something they would enjoy as well. LOL. I've only done a few tricks once in front of my boyfriend and we've been together since January. He's seen all my videos and I remember feeling embarrassed while showing him them. I have promised him a live show time and time again- especially now that I'm getting back into poling. So we'll see. That was just my suggestion! ☀️
azriel · 9/4/2009
Faerie-wench- i got so sad reading your post- it's so discouraging to feel like something that you've worked so hard at & are so proud of is unappreciated, especially by the person that you want to share it with the most! And who wouldn't want their guy to enjoy watching them & find them confident & sexy? I actually just watched your video, and i really think you're doing great, and the last thing i would say is that you look insecure! Actually, you seem extremely confident in your dancing, & i give you major props for uploading an unedited video (and to all other women here who do the same)! It took me 9 months to get the courage to post an uncut video. 😳 So i really can't see why your husband would think that and have that attitude towards you about this... but then i thought about it (cos this type of issue seems to be so common & i get really frustrated by it!) & i agree with kobajo that some men just feel a little bit jealous or intimidated by their women pole dancing. Plus your man is away in Iraq, and his woman is at home dancing with a pole & uploading videos. I wouldnt be surprised if actually he did watch your whole video, but because he feels abit intimidated, he wants to make it seem like its no big deal- sort-of like a defense mechanism to ease his own feelings about it. And like you said, you can't know what kind of day he was having, being a marine surely isn't a job that fosters a stable emotional state! I'm not saying this just to make you feel better, i'm just trying to think : if i was a marine guy in Iraq, and my wife sends me a video of her poledancing all sexy (cos your dancing WAS sexy, regardless of the cute funny stuff), meanwhile i'm stuck at a base or smthg with a bunch of other men, taking orders, worried about war or whatever- I don't know, but i think i'd be a little jealous, & so i'd try to persuade myself that its no big deal, thus acting indifferent to her about it, and maybe i'd come off a lil hostile too, not wanting it "to get to her head". Don't know if that makes any sense, but i'm having a hard time explaining it! 😕 Either way, i know it sucks, but please don't let him affect how you feel about poling.. like you said, do it for yourself, and if he likes it, great, if not, OH WELL! all of us here like it, it's obvious from your comments, and most importantly, YOU like it. But you never know, maybe when he gets back home & settles down he'll have different reactions. I understand you not wanting to dance for him now, & you don't have to, but i'd let him watch if he's there & just be indifferent as to whether or not he likes it, since you're doing it for YOU. 🥂 Oh geez , sorry this is so long, hope i wasn't ranting on & on.. i just get so upset when we women get so negatively affected by men's attitudes about something that we try so hard for, and want them to enjoy watching us do. 🐱
faerie_wench · 9/4/2009
Some men are a little jealous that they're women are posting videos up of themselves dancing around what is considered a very sexy and sometimes they feel a personal experience that should be for "their eyes only." ☀️ I really don't think my hubs is jealous (we were already married when I was a dancer) that I posted it here, he seemed like he was genuinely excited when I told him that I had posted. I think it was more that he was embarassed (embarassed is probably not the right word to describe it, maybe disappointed is more accurate) that I wasn't as good as the gal he watched and that I'm just not worth watching until I am.
faerie_wench · 9/4/2009
Azriel I totally understood what you were saying. I know it's hard for him over there right now; it’s his second time actually. He was excited to see the vid when I told him about it but after he watched it he had nothing positive to say, but he had plenty of positive things to say about the other vid. He was critiquing me against someone who has been dancing for about a year. The weird thing about it all is that right before this happened I had had a dream about me going back to work at a club. I told him about it and he was all for it if that’s what I wanted to do. So I don’t know what was going on in his head. He probably had something happen with someone in his command and I’m the only one he could take it out on. The whole thing was completely disheartening though. So for now, poling is for me; he can be a part of it when I’m ready. I have been trying to have a new outlook on life lately. I no longer chose to feel down about stuff. I have tried really hard to remain upbeat even when I’d like to crawl into my bed and ignore the world around me. I am the one in charge of my own happiness. I am no longer allowing people to take that away from me.
azriel · 9/4/2009
Some men are a little jealous that they're women are posting videos up of themselves dancing around what is considered a very sexy and sometimes they feel a personal experience that should be for "their eyes only." ☀️ I really don't think my hubs is jealous (we were already married when I was a dancer) that I posted it here, he seemed like he was genuinely excited when I told him that I had posted. I think it was more that he was embarassed (embarassed is probably not the right word to describe it, maybe disappointed is more accurate) that I wasn't as good as the gal he watched and that I'm just not worth watching until I am. Although that wasnt me you quoted, i just wanted to make clear what i mean by "jealous" in my previous reply to this post. I don't mean jealous as in feeling angry or threatened by other guys seeing you, or worried about you doing it in public. I mean "jealous" in the sense that he's away at work, and you're home & get to play.. this type of jealousy can actually lead to a sort of competitive attitude, where a person wants to make the other feel that what their doing isn't so great. And this in turn can actually make himself believe that it's really not so great, and this eases his envious feelings. I just honestly cant believe that he thinks you're not worth watching- your video had many sexy elements in it, even if some of your moves weren't exactly perfect. but whatever, like you & i & others said previously, doing it for yourself is what matters most. 🥂
faerie_wench · 9/4/2009
I know what you mean lol. I'm sure he was just having a rough day because that's not typically like him. He's normally VERY supportive of everything I decide to do. He even told me that on payday I can go ahead and get the one year membership here. He has been out of sorts lately so it might be that there is something going on that I don't know about at work. (He doesn't like to talk about work if something crappy is going on because he doesn't want me to be worried about that too) I'm over the whole thing and am now using it as a motivator. Maybe he'll get a welcome home dance when he gets back in Feb. I feel bad... tashatasha I'm sorry the convo has sort of tured towards me I was just wanting to let you know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do 😀
azriel · 9/4/2009
Ok.. i'm glad you feel better and are motivated 🙂. sorry if i dragged this on, i tend to over-analyze issues like this sometimes! Come to the chat room if you feel like chatting- there are several of us there now!
Monz · 9/4/2009
My husband found my camera while I was taking a bath and watched three of my practice videos that I took last night. quote] Everyone is different with this. When I started last fall, I was a highly private person with this. I would only let my husband see me poling if I had the spin down pat. The amazing thing for me is that poling gave me so much confidence that I started practicing while he was around the house and now he helps spot me when I'm trying new inverted moves. I want to re-iterate that everyone is different and some people said that they still don't practice in front of their man, but I wanted to share my story as well.