Does your father come to your pole performances?

ljsch59790 started this discussion · 10/13/2013

Hi fellow polers! I'm facing a really difficult situation at the moment. At my studio at the advanced level we are required to make our own solo performance for the final week of the term, to be performed at the studio. Everyone brings about 4-5 people each, so theres a small crowd and we go all out with costumes, music etc. My father overheard me inviting my sister (its next week) and got really offended and upset that I wasnt inviting him. I just feel a bit weird about him coming to watch! I mean even though the performances are very trick based, they're still super sexy and we wear little mini butt cheek shorts with heels.. I just don't feel comfortable doing that in front of my dad!! And it might seem weird to the other girls if I bring an old man there! But now I just feel so bad because he feels left out and just wanted to come to support me. I think maybe I would be ok bringing him if it was at a big venue and I was competing at a professional level or something but I just dunno, not in this context in a tiny pole studio! Can I get some advice from you girls? How much involvement does your dad/parents have in your pole hobby? It's hard when it's such a big part of your life to keep it secretive.

26 replies

Runemist34 · 10/13/2013
Personally, none of my family have any direct involvement with my dancing... but, they don't have a lot of direct involvement in a lot of my hobbies, other than supporting me and telling me that they're proud of me. I think that you could talk to your dad, and explain to him that you'll be doing some sexy dancing and perhaps wearing very little, as well as doing tricks, and that you feel a little uncomfortable with him being around for that. While he might understand that less clothing means more grip on the pole, he probably will also understand your reluctance to share your sensuality with him around. By talking to him, you can also tell him how much you appreciate his support and wish to be involved, and that if there is a time in the future that you're doing a less sensual style of dance, you would love to invite him. I think it really depends on a lot of personal relationships with one's parents- some people are perfectly comfortable with sharing those sorts of things with their parents, and some who would want their parents to know nothing about it, ever. Most of us are in the middle.
tacha666 · 10/14/2013
If you don't want to offend him, maybe just tell him it's a girls-only-thing?
Veena · 10/14/2013
I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your dad. I danced for my dad and mom in my own home because they had never seen what I do in person, but the songs and my outfit we appropriate for the relationship I had with my conservative dad. I would not have been comfortable taking either of my parents to an event like USPDF. However, I was at a Dita von teese show and her mom, dad, and other family were there watching her burlesque performance and they were soooooo proud! So I think it just comes down to how open your family is.
poledanceromance · 10/14/2013
After four years of pole dancing, neither of my parents had ever seen what I do. They struggled with the notion of me pole dancing and didn't really know how to take it although they tried to support me even though they had never actually seen it. When I was cast in Girl Next Door Chicago, I asked the cast whether I should invite them to the (very sexy but also very powerful) show. Everyone said I should and Natasha Wang told me "you'll regret it if you don't." So I did, on very short notice, and they came that very night. I chose not to tone down the sexy for the show and tried to really go for it...I figured, they won't be able to deny the strength and skill, so if they don't like it, whatever, it's not FOR them. I didn't have to worry, though. Both my parents loved it and I feel they supported me even more after than they did before. The cast went out to greet the audience after the show, still in all-black lingerie and heels. That's what I was wearing when I saw them after the show, and they barely batted an eye before embracing me in a big hug and telling me it was fabulous. It does depend on your relationship with your parents. If they truly love and support you, I say give them the chance to do that with pole. They may surprise you.
miccie · 10/14/2013
My dad always comes along to my performances, and he's always proud and impressed. He knows how hard I work at them and he knows I don't do it for male attention, he knows I'm a fully grown woman and he knows it makes me happy and keeps me healthy, so he's fully supportive, just like if I played soccer. Definitely ask him. He'll be shocked by the athleticism more than anything sexual.
MrsNaughtywed · 10/14/2013
My dad is too misogynistic/patriarchal, I'd never invite him. He's never asked either. I'm jealous of all you ladies who have good relationships with your dad and support your pole dancing. You are so lucky!
Saphyre · 10/14/2013
I haven't actually performed in a studio or on stage, but I can share this with you. My Dad is so dang proud of me. He is 80 years old. I brought my pole to an intimate family weekend and showed off what I had learned. I was wearing booty shorts and the proverbial tiny top. My Dad was so impressed. I don't even think he noticed what I was wearing. Also, I recently had a photo shoot with Don Curry. I had quite a few shots wearing a very, very tiny pretty much thong underwear and a super tiny top. Sexy as hell heels. While showing him the proofs I said, "Oh, gosh Dad. Sorry. These are a little risque" . He said, "I used to change your diapers, ya know." Personally, I think you should tell him you would love to have him there, but explain what will be worn and that it may be risque. If he is okay with that, let him share in your joy! As long as you will be comfortable, do it! It is a wonderful feeling to have your parent's acceptance of your passion. It reminds me of when I was little and both my parents came to my cello and then choral concerts.
skyhigh · 10/14/2013
My dad came to my last one. I have to admit, it was a weird thought at first, but he has always been really supportive of me, and understood that this was no different than my old ballet recitals. And to make it even better, he invited my almost 90 year old grandmother who enjoyed the competition just as much as he did. I think it's important to let your family see what you do, and allow them the opportunity to be proud of you. Your dad obviously loves you, and wants to be involved in your activities, and I think you would be doing a disservice to him by not letting him.
PoleFitMom · 10/14/2013
Neither of my parents have come to any of my performances, but they are 100% supportive. They haven't come because neither live close enough to attend. They have watched me in my home and I taught my mom a few spins when she visited last. I would absolutely want my parents to see me someday. When I first started reading this thread I couldn't help but think of not only Veena and her loss, but also of Cleo from the Blood, Sweat, and Sequins documentary. I am a huge baby and I cry (very easily) at the idea of never getting to share something so important to me with the ones I love. I would say invite him! You should be proud of yourself! p.s - Here is the link for the trailer to the doc listed above. xoxo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBoHowVRwzI
Anya123 · 10/14/2013
@polefitmom where can you watch the full documentary?
PoleFitMom · 10/14/2013
I streamed it months ago when it came out, maybe try their facebook page for their website!
Anya123 · 10/14/2013
Here ya go girls :) http://go2films.ru/video/dWlkPTQxMDQ3MDEmZ2lkPTE2NDIxOTc3Ng==
kmccool · 10/14/2013
I think it really just depends on what is most comfortable for you both. It sounds like he wants to be supportive, however I completely understand the hesitation as I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so in front of my own father (old fashion thinking and whatnot). Just certain aspects may not be considered appropriate based on the father/daughter relationship. I don't completely believe in the saying "If you are doing something you wouldn't show your parents, then you probably shouldn't be doing it". There are just some things you do and don't do in front of certain people for various reasons. I do hope you invite him though. It could be a great experience for you both and you'll have the support of your father there.
TheDiva · 10/14/2013
I am very, very lucky because my parents have been real cool with pole since day one (six years ago now). I know the dilema -- I was performing a lot, but it was always to super trashy music and I usually ended up topless, lol. My father used to be a gym teacher and is a huge sports junkie, so he looks at pole from a trainer's point of view (after he say me dance last year: "you should start doing some bicep curls and shoulder presses . . ."). My coming out dance last year wasn't just for my father, but BOTH my parents, three aunts, a whole bunch of cousins and my 71-year-old grandmother. I was nervous because I know how nasty I am in my heart, but I picked a song that let me still have a lot of fun and get everyone singing along with me. Perhaps you can invite your Dad for a rehearsal instead of the full show? That way he can see the "behind the scenes" and you can wear regular practice clothes. It might also be cool for both of you guys to have a private tour of the studio and maybe meet one or two of your instructors. I think that would be a good way to ease him into that side of your life and give him a special place that nobody else gets. Above all, I think your father is fucking awesome for wanting to be there for his daughter!
bugsy monroe · 10/15/2013
i'm very glad to be able to say that my parents have always trusted and respected my choices - my dad must be my biggest fan, often giving me update on developments on my youtube pages, etc. my mum once proudly announced to her workmates that i was a 'lap dancer', before realising that this did not reflect my skill set! though i reckon they'd be upset if i were to work as a stripper, they've been excited by opportunities i've had to pose as a stripper for feature films. i've never yet invited them to watch me dance live - i don't usually invite anyone if i can help it, feeling it will add to my nerves - but reading some of the touching stories above makes me realise that i ought to find occasion!
quancutie23 · 10/15/2013
Let your dad come he seems like a support cool supportive dad. Wear clothes that dont make your booty pop out.your dads lil girl he just want to be your rock so let him who cares what others think. My mom supported me in everything even pole dancing my dad he old school so whatever. Im team dad let him show his support
Wonder Woman · 10/15/2013
Both of my parents came to my Christmas recital last year. I was reluctant to let them come, but they've been wanting to see what I do because I always talk about how much I love pole class and how much fun it is. I was so nervous about getting my routine right and not falling down I didn't have time to be nervous about my dad watching me, and he was very proud and supportive. I say let your dad come!
Veena · 10/15/2013
Yeah, PFM I am so happy my Dad saw my dancing and hooping too. When he would come to visit he watched me practice new things and always said "I just don't know how you hold yourself like that!" Lol
unicornpower · 10/16/2013
You ladies are so lucky you have such supportive fathers! :) My mum is totally cool with me doing pole and even wants to have a go at it (I'll be taking her when she comes to visit me next month!), but my dad is a little weirded out by it. When I first started poling, I told my mum first who in turn told my dad, who then told his sister in passing. I remember while we were having a conversation one day about what I'd be doing for the rest of the day, I was reluctant at first to say I'd be going to my pole dancing class, but I thought there was no point in hiding it as they already knew so I came out in the open and said I'd be going to my pole dancing class. That was when they both got extremely embarrassed and flustered, and told me I shouldn't say things like that because people might get the wrong impression of me. Huh?! With my dad, it's always the case of "if we don't talk about it, it means it never happened" whenever he finds the truth uncomfortable. Hahaha. I'd like my dad to one day come to see me do a routine so at least he knows what it's all about, the only experience he has with pole dancers is when he's been to strip clubs with his brother so he he's always made that association in his head. But I think my dad and MrsNaughtywed's dad seem pretty similar in that they're both misogynistic/patriachal so we'll have to see! Bring your dad for sure, I'm sure he'll be your biggest fan there! :)
portableninja · 10/16/2013
This is an interesting thread, and I debated sharing my story. I'm envious of those of you who have parents who support you in pole, or any hobby, really. I have been poling since 2010 and I still have not told my parents. When I first started taking classes, I was a little embarrassed and not sure what they would think. My parents teased me quite a bit growing up, making fun of any interests and hobbies that they didn't understand. Telling them that I was taking pole dance lessons seemed like asking for trouble. So if I was going to a pole event, I would just say I was going to see friends. They never asked what I was doing with those friends. Or I would just say I was going to a yoga class. Now, I am a lot less concerned about what people think of me doing pole - some of my in laws know and are supportive, and all of my friends know and think it's cool. But my parents still don't know. I hardly see them anymore since moving two hours away and we are not very close. I feel like we just never became adult "friends." The last time they were here, almost a year ago, I thought that would be a good time to tell them since I have a pole in my house! But they never saw it. It's upstairs in the guest room, and they didn't even want to go upstairs to see the rest of the house. They were just dropping in on their way back from a trip and in a hurry to get home. We talk briefly on the phone every other week or so, but it never seems like a good time to blurt out "by the way, I've been working on landing a difficult pole trick and finally got it this week." I'm past the point of being embarrassed to tell them, and I want them to know and be proud of me. But it's hard to just put it out there. I once visited them in the summer while covered in pole bruises. I figured that would be a good time to bring it up, and reassure them that I was ok! But they didn't say a word about my bruises. I'm not sure if they even noticed since they were drinking heavily (another sticking point I have with them). My parents have been to Cirque shows, so I think they would understand the level of skill and strength involved in pole dance. But sometimes it seems easier just to keep it private.
dustbunny · 10/16/2013
My parents are great. They helped me buy my first pole. My dad drove the whole family to Michigan (from Ontario, Canada) for my birthday and to see my first showcase. They also both came to the showcase I performed in Toronto, and the second showcase that I wasn't even really in. I was working for the show, cleaning poles, selling tickets etc. and they still came, just to support our sport!. My dad sees and comments on my photos and videos on facebook, it's not a big deal for us. He's happy if I'm happy. :)
MelCat · 10/18/2013
Like everyone else has said, it totally depends on your own family. My dad passed a few years ago, but my first big pole competition was close enough for my grandpa to attend, and he did. I had another family member (who I was never very close to to begin with) disassociate herself from me because I poled...and for which my same grandfather defended me and said what I did was amazing. I'm the type of person that is very upfront with who I am and what I do. As for you presenting an invitation to your dad, it also depends on the type of person he is. If he can accept it for how you view it, it might not be bad to introduce him to what you do. If you think it may not be the best for your relationship with him, then say you respectfully don't want him to have any awkward feelings about what you do, but you would be happy to find other ways to integrate him into something that has become a part of your life.
CloSmo · 10/20/2013
I've never performed but I would definitely invite my dad. Dad is very supportive. I've practiced in front of him and when I get the move he gets excited for me and I get a lot of "Mum, did you see that?!" And "That's really good baby!!" Dad puts my pole up for me, takes it down, tries lifting himself up on it himself. But I know others who just can't tell their parents. I think you'd have to go on your comfort levels. I know my parents and I are 'friends' as well as having a regular parent/child relationship.
Mhoney · 10/20/2013
I had a similar thing happen. My studio was doing a showcase and neither of my parents were coming. I just didn't think they would be comfortable going. But then my mom asked to come and so I got her a ticket. And then at the last minute my dad asked to come too. I realized he had felt left out all along! He said he had never missed any of my shows (plays, etc) and as long as I wasn't doing anything crazy that I wouldn't want him to see (which of course I wasn't)... It was kind of a strange situation at first but I was so glad he came and he was in awe of the strength and has been so supportive of pole ever since.
Mhoney · 10/20/2013
I had a similar thing happen. My studio was doing a showcase and neither of my parents were coming. I just didn't think they would be comfortable going. But then my mom asked to come and so I got her a ticket. And then at the last minute my dad asked to come too. I realized he had felt left out all along! He said he had never missed any of my shows (plays, etc) and as long as I wasn't doing anything crazy that I wouldn't want him to see (which of course I wasn't)... It was kind of a strange situation at first but I was so glad he came and he was in awe of the strength and has been so supportive of pole ever since.

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