Discriminated against and outcasted from other parents

Rosanna Danna started this discussion · 12/12/2012

Hey veeners! So tomorrow I have my very first show that I'm doing (hopefully ill be putting the video up soon) and lo and behold my sons little friend who is a girl comes over. They play and whatnot and malek (my son) goes into my room and spins around. The little girl stays outside and watched, I said "malek u gotta get out bc she's not allowed to spin with you" ( her parents have already told me they do not want her playing on it for whatever reason :/.... THEY'RE 5!!) so he leaves and they continue playing in the living room. the little girl goes home, and within minutes he posts a snarky, rude ass comment about his daughter schooling him on how to spin on a STRIPPER pole.... Umm what!?!? First off, I, nor my son or boyfriend have EVER referred to my pole as a "stripper" pole, so that's all you, buddy! I'm so sick of having this stupid stereotype over my head! Ive busted my ass working and training for pole. So all of my blood, sweat, and tears, are whittled down to "stripper"... Great. Has anyone else had similar experiences with other parents?

20 replies

Dwiizie · 12/13/2012
People will judge. Just try to remember that they are so underinformed, you almost have to pity them. Chin up :)
CapFeb · 12/13/2012
I would inform him that stripping isn't your occupation, and then call him an offensive word that he isn't. Remind him that talking shit to people across the internet isn't at all a positive role model for his kid, and makes him look like the douchebag. Pole fitness isn't stripping just as EMT'S aren't doctors. They both heal people and save lives, but it's two different things. And there's nothing wrong with stripping anyway. There's tons wrong with prostitution, and some girls use stripping as a cover to whore themselves out, but these are the minority. If he see's something wrong with this form of entertainment, fitness related, or exotic dance related, then he can get over it. If it was your husband's sport pole I bet you 50 bucks he wouldn't have said a word. But because you have tits and a vagina, it makes you a stripper. SMH. Owning a pole doesn't make you a stripper anymore than owning a gun makes you a serial killer. Some people are just too dumb to understand this concept, and too narrowminded to understand pole as an art or sport. Your son is young, and can make handfulls of friends just by walking up and saying, "hi,do you want to be friends" at a playground. If this D-bag continues to harass you for your passion, apologize to you son and help him make a new friend. After all, our parents can be our worst or best influence. How long before her father starts starts pressuring her into his opinions of other people and she strts saying ugly things to your son?
Runemist34 · 12/13/2012
First of all, I don't consider calling it a "stripper pole" a derogatory thing- it's kind of like calling a Katana a "samurai sword." That's not technically what it is, but that's how people know it socially, so... it's just a name. Next, I'd also like to point out that I don't find the connotation of "stripper" to be derogatory, because those ladies work HARD, and need respect for what they do! That said however, this person is using both of these terms in a derogatory sense, and sounds like he's trying to express a certain amount of insecurity when it comes to your hobby. He's trying to belittle you and make you feel bad, likely because he feels that pole dancing is not a "normal thing to do," and it likely scares him because of the unfortunate stereotypes that we place upon strippers (being loose of morality and addicted to drugs, that kind of thing). My suggestion would be to ask him why he feels so unhappy about your ownership of your dance pole, and why exactly these things are not acceptable to him. Tell him point blank that you did not allow his girl to dance on your pole, as you had specifically been asked by him to enforce that rule. It's not anything about YOU that he's judging- he's placing his own stuff on you. He's handing it to you and asking you to deal with it so he doesn't have to. The tricky bit here is that you don't have to accept it. Many people in our lives with continue to hand us their "stuff" and ask us to deal with it- we automatically take it because we feel that's the right thing to do, especially if pleasing people is a high priority in our lives. But, we don't need to take it on, and it's not OURS to fix! It's THEIRS. So, if they throw it at you like this guy, and you don't take it and continue to be happy, unphased by his comments, he will have to deal with his stuff, because now it's made a mess on the floor. You can just help him out by asking pointed questions, such as the ones I suggested: Why does he feel so unhappy about a hobby you choose to do for fitness? What's wrong with strippers?
PinkPhoenix · 12/13/2012
There are so many uneducated people out ther ein the world that think that all pole dancing is the same. I wouldn't call him a name I would be the bigger person and just pitty his narrow minded views. Calling him a name will start a whole new childish war. I don't tell anyone what I do because people are misinformed and fear what they don't understand. So I haven't had that issue. I would also block that dude so you don't have to see his commets. Or maybe you could send him a link of well know dancers so he can see that clothes stay on and its all on ability, artistic technique, and strength. Instead of the red light district type, which I don't see an issue in as long as your grown, but its not a thing I'm in to. Any who he seems like he is just a biggit and needs someone to "school" him on the difference. Let it roll off your back. I have realized that people love to hate people for just about anything.
Tovah · 12/13/2012
I have come to the conclusion that I am not responsible for other men's or women's thoughts in ref. to pole fitness/dancing. If and when their thoughts are perverse then that is on them and not on you or me and again not responsible for them. I just don't take it on or defend pole as it defends itself quite well. Judgmental and critical people are in every walk of life and when you point your finger at someone then 3 more come back at you. It is their ignorance ...i.e. when people thought the world was flat and it wasn't i.e. Henry the TH killing his wives for giving him daughters when he wanted boys. Ignorance for a King I would say as it is the sperm that decides on the sex of the baby due to high or low sperm count. Henry the TH had a low sperm count...LOL I have more examples but you get the point.
Rosanna Danna · 12/13/2012
Thank you, guys ! I feel all the same way as all of you guys in reference to this dude. For now I havnt said anything and just let him be. BUT, I really needed these comments because I'm about to go on for the first preformance ever in a couple hours !!!! Your positivity lowered my stress level a bit. I've got a bit more of a strut in my walk now. Thank you!! And wish me luck :/
KenzieCaliente · 12/13/2012
Post a video of your favorite pole dancer. Zoraya Judd is a strong, confident woman who has more muslce and body control than any man I know. Use one of her's! If that doesn't shut this guy up, nothing will. He's probably just jealous because you can do more pull ups than him! It's also a good opportunity to teach your son acceptance. Tell him if he doens't understand something, ask questions instead of simply putting it down. I recently went through this with a friend who is pretty closed minded. I told her if she wanted to learn about it, I'd be happy to explain it to her. Otherwise, I'd prefer if she kept her comments to herself, because I won't allow myself to be judged or shamed by anyone.
PinkPhoenix · 12/14/2012
You will do awesome there is no doubt in my mind. Know that you are strong and fearless and that no one can make you feel bad unless you allow them to. Go kick that routines BEHIND!!! We're all behind you. Don't forget to post it. I'm dying to see it now.
Rosanna Danna · 12/14/2012
I ended up doing pretty well, actually!! Everyone loved my performance (and a few told me mine was their favorite in secret ;) ) I was so nervous I though I was gonna barf. I was super shaky too and as soon as I walked out on stage I forgot EVERYTHING! And then I scrambled to remember, lightbulb went on, and so did I. Whew. Everyone going crazy over my Ariel shoulder mount was my favorite part :) and not dying is a plus too. It was recorded but apparantly it was at a weird angle. If I absolutely have to I can redo the routine at home, no biggie. Havnt seen the video yet, but I'm excited!!! Still stoked about last night :)
Anonyma · 12/15/2012
why people rant all the time beeing called a "stripper" pole, its IS a stripper pole, where do you think it comes from, carebears and unicorns lol
Rosanna Danna · 12/15/2012
Well I used my stripper pole to make a bad ass strippery routine and it was hot :D
CapFeb · 12/15/2012
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mallakhamb There's no proof what so ever that burlesque performers (who had the pole before strippers, so the pole should actually be called a burlesque pole :p ) didn't see the indian pole sport and make it suitable for adult american entertainment.
en.m.wikipedia.orgMallakhamba - Wikipedia
firebird · 12/15/2012
At a "Mom's Night In" w/like 12 moms from 1 of my son's (3rd gr) classes, this topic came up (I've taught at a local pole studio for cpl yrs now). In my mind, I was like "oh please no, here we go..." while the mom who "outed me" sometime back told the story of the private party she came to at our studio and I happened to be the instructor for their party... Anyway, she was floored and felt compelled to go and tell everyone @ the school the very next day... Ayayay, I had specifically kept this under wraps bc I could already anticipate the variety of reactions, most of which I just don't have the energy to deal with... (I have a busy household plus 2 other jobs & regularly get 3-6 hrs/sleep per night, so I pick my battles carefully.) Anyway fast-fwd to this evening a cpl weeks ago. We're all seated around her huge dining table, and at this point the other mom (sitting right next to me) who is telling the story of "discovering" my pole dance job now has everyone's attention of course. Then, sitting clear across the table from me (so picture 1/2 the crowd on either side of us), the hosting mom (her family is new to our school this yr) says "No wonder! One day my husband came home & said someone at the school was wearing a jacket/shirt that said 'Pole' on it & had images of dancers on the pole" (yup, our logo) then she exclaims "so that's YOU!" I didn't say anything this whole time, mind u... But here's the kicker: she goes on saying I don't remember what, then ends with "well, if you don't mind, please stop wearing that stuff around school, because some of our husbands don't need anymore things to be fantasizing about!" OMG... like I said, I didn't speak the whole time, but even if I'd wanted to, after this my stomach wouldn't let me anyway. I was already in a "mood" as it is, before walking into this gathering... I stuck it out thru the rest of this "party" (like any good tough poler would), even lingered a bit in the end to politely help clean up & thank her for coordinating & hosting this. But of course, I am now more self-conscious than ever walking in & out of school every M, W&F at drop-off & pick-up, as those are the says I teach AM classes in the studio. More interesting still tho is that ever since that night, this 1 mom in particular has REALLY gone out of her way to be friendly w/me, stops me in hallways & emails me to ask random ?s or see about getting my son involved in a sporting activity w/her son, etc... Kinda weird. Told my boss @ studio abt this and she was shocked, but also suggested the crazy (to me) notion that maybe it's this mom who is the one fantasizing abt me (gotta love her -- um, my boss I mean)... Who knows, but oh well... Anyway, never a dull moment in the pole world, that's for sure! There's no stopping the love we have for what we do, friends, so let's keep holding out heads up high & enjoy the journey no matter what it brings along...
glitterhips · 12/15/2012
OMG firebird if anyone ever told me what to wear I would kick them in the junk! You are just a mom dropping her kids off you're not a teacher at the school wearing your pole logo attire to teach classes, so I don't see how it's your problem that your attire could cause her husband to fantasize about anything, I guarantee you a man would find a woman in miniskirt or low cut top reason to fantasize whether or not their clothes have a pole on them so she needs to STFU. That is garbage and she should wonder why her husband is fantasizing in the first place, clearly not your problem! Also how has no one made a comment to the mom who ATTENDED the pole party?! If I was her I'd be like, you don't tell if I don't! And called it a day. Wow. I don't have kids but I do have tattoos and once I was walking in a mall parking lot and heard a little kid go "mommy why do people get tattoos?!" the mom proceeded to answer "Because their parents don't love them" SERIOUSLY?! These are probably the same parents who are calling it a stripper pole and feeding their kids all sorts of garbage-y false information about everything else important in life. Sadly people are always going to be stupid and wear their Judgey Pants, all we can do is know how awesome we are and how great our butts look when we put our pole shoes on! I'd take that over the lives of these moms anyday because I can only imagine what they are like and I guarantee they are projecting issues in their own marriage/self-esteem onto you and a lot of it probably comes from jealously. I even think the asshole dad of the OP probably wishes his wife worked out on the pole too, any semi-sane man would want that!
firebird · 12/15/2012
Ok I wasn't gonna say anything more but this has now gotten quite entertaining, so I can't resist! Glitter, luv ur passion! Thx for getting my back. So some funny add'l background for u to enjoy the soap opera further: on the characters... The original mom who "outed" me was "just invited" to that party, so she can always back herself up w/"not my idea, I just went for my friend", plus she happens to be a loud, in-everyone's-face, majorly conflictive drama-queen of a personality... So no, it is NOT in her nature to ever shut up abt ANYTHING... :) As for the husband in question, ironically my 1st interactions w/that guy happen to be in recruiting him onto the school's finance committee (I'm also known for volunteering insane amounts of my time at this struggling independent school), of which at the time I was doubling as interim chair as well as Treasurer of the school's Board of Trustees. On days of our FC meetings, I was not in studio so not wearing any pole garb whatsoever (no need). His (and his wife's) only knowledge of me was this role I had, given my educational & work background (couple math degrees & many yrs as a statistical analyst). Haha, and as for me, numbers-geek-turned-pole-dancer, very deep down BENEATH the very-much-on-the-surface sense of offense taken at what I think was somekind of jab at best, full-on attack at worst, secretly I have to admit feeling flattered... Oh well, I'm a hot mom juggling priorities and struggling to strike balance as much as the next, and I may not have a lot (materially). But in the process, I've prioritized the health & strength of my family & myself (nevermind the sleep part), so we eat great, have healthy energetic lifestyles, and I'm blessed to have the pole be such a big part of my daily life. Helps me feel and look fantastic. And luckily, in part due to all the right focus of said priorities (for US, anyway), my hubby and I enjoy NO LACK of passion and fun and TRUST and major love in our relationship. Thank God, and yay for us... And sad for them that I sense maybe DO lack this.
Tovah · 12/15/2012
This song came to mind but somehow I can't paste it. The sond is called "Harper Valley PTA" by Jeannie C. Riley.
abcollins1 · 12/15/2012
Firebird, I would have told that lady maybe if she took a pole class then she wouldnt have to worry about her husband fantasizing about anything else! Omg how rude to say something about what you wear! its not like you are wearing pole specific clothes, its just a logo for crying outloud!
Runemist34 · 12/15/2012
Sorry Firebird, but I had to laugh at this little "outing" thing that this other woman did! I can't believe what some lengths some people will go to in order to create drama! Oh man! And for them to think that you'll feel insecure about your dancing. I bet they were hoping that you'd stop and they could all keep teasing you because you were shy and worried about what they'd think. And, honestly, I sure hope that's not the case! Keep on going, girl! It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship and a busy life full of amazing things! You're doing GREAT and if anyone tells you otherwise, they should probably be looking inside, rather than at everyone else!
FlyingFireBird · 12/17/2012
I hate people who intentionally create drama. I've been outed a couple times. I bookmarked the Natasha Wang On the View performance from YouTube on my phone so that I can show anyone who doesn't get pole, then I explain that before pole was in strip clubs it was a circus sport in China and India. Then I explain that some women like the sensual dancing; others use pole as a vertical extention for ballet. In otherwords, I do everything in my power to get them to realize pole is a tool for any type of dance/gymnastics/aerial expression. Usually it works, but sometimes people are just stupid and too dense to get it.
PinkPhoenix · 12/17/2012
Firebird I think that the husband brought it up in hopes that maybe it would spark intrest in his wife and instead it blew up in his face, lol. You know its not your issue what her husband is fantisizing about. If it has nothing to do with her then there is something wrong withtheir relationship. If he decided to say, "Oh I had this great dream about Charlize Theron " is this woman going to tweet Charlize and tell her not be so sexy in her films? It reminds me of a friend ( I dated like 5 years ago) that found out that I was doing it and he was asking me questions (legit questions not pervy questions) about it by text, his wife found out and was calling me nasty and a whore and all sorts of names including homewrecker to make her feel like she had a right to because of her new last name. I told her, "They are just questions, its not my profession and honey to be a whore I have to have sex with your husband." I told her, "I have not touched that man for 5 years when you were not even in the picture because Oh that's right he caught YOU CHEATING. I told her if he is still fantisizing about someone from 5 years ago then you never had a marriage to begin with, don't take your intamicy issues out on me" . Women lash out when we feel threatened and I think that their husbands at least some of them get a kick out of watching them act liek that. What we do is eunique and fun and the ones that were taught to be ashamed of their bodies will always be on their soap box. They don't understand that you con't have to take your clothes off to give a good show because you do it it doesn't mean you are a slut and sleep with any man that will have you. These professional for the most part keep their clothes on and I do not have time for these catty insecure women that live to look down at their nose at people and for the women that like to use the bible as a weapon they themselves are in violation of the 9th commandment so they need to back it up and get off your junk. We do have amazing butts because of what we do. I do not ever want to get one of those saggy mom butts. KenzieCaliente is right this is the time to teach tolerance of others and what they choose to do in and with their life, just because we may not be into it doesn't make it any of our business unless its causing damage and harm to others. I wear my pole gear proudly and I don't care what anyone says. I'm happy I'm fit, and I'm free. No has the right to make you feel ashamed or even judge you. You can either give in to their comments or you can educate when you can. Yiu can't educate them all, but you can hope that they gain some understanding. Then of course there are the ones that are set in their ways so why try. lol