Dancing for the boyfriend for the first time

ShyGirl started this discussion · 9/7/2009

So I've been taking classes for about 4 months and I just bought a new pole for home. I want to eventually give my man a show complete with low lights, music, costume, etc, but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions or tips from experience? He's been waiting a long time, and I don't want to make him wait much longer. 🙂 But I feel like if I'm not very good he won't like it a lot. Well, I'm sure he will like it, but that's just my low self-confidence talking. I guess I'm hoping you guys could help and just give me some pointers, and that would give me a little self-confidence boost. I am still uncertain that my x-pole is up securely in my house, but I hope to post some videos here soon. Thanks everyone!! -Meredith in Salt Lake City

22 replies

Castleoutsider · 9/7/2009
heh ur not the only one trust me... ive been at it for a WHILE (.. like almost 2 years while) and i still have yet to dance for him.. i just dont want to embarrass myself T_T of course we're our worst critic but still for us alot is easier said than done =\ i think a part of me also feels for some reason i cant be as sexy at home as i am at the studio;; lolol;; cuz im totally not used to the pole here at home.. =\ waaa so yea.. i feel ur pain and id LOVE to show him what ive learned~
SusieQ · 9/8/2009
I think one of the reasons why we are unsure about performing for our boyfriends is because they have most likely all been to strip clubs and therefore seen a professional dancer in action. It is scary because we think we will be compared to the professional dancer, and I know for me, there is no way I would be as good. The thought of being judged / compared doesnt really lead to a confident performance. My advice is to make a few videos of yourself dancing first, and let him see them and gauge his reaction. If he is encouraging and positive, then this will make you feel more confident for the actual performance. Hope this helps!
Castleoutsider · 9/8/2009
LOL i have several of me dancing.. just the fact im dancing for him terrifies the shit out of me lol were told if u fk up.. play it off cuz best bet is they didnt even notice.. but its like.. we know? so then it just throws us all off~ rofl its hard really..
amcut · 9/8/2009
When I have successful dances for my husband (the ones that don't end up in a 'stop looking at me like that' conversation), it's because I closed my eyes and danced with the pole. A lot of times if I close my eyes and just -feel- the dancing, I feel like the sexiest woman in the world. Most of the things we do feel sexy as we're doing them if we've overcome pole burn. And who the hell cares what the sexiest woman in the world does, really. She could do -anything- and it would still look undeniably hot. I've -faceplanted- while crawling.. but I had my ass in the air. If my husband can find a negative thought while my ass is in the air, no matter how it got there.. he isn't a very good husband.
rubberstarlet · 9/8/2009
i danced for my guy once, not the pole. just a lap/floor work. i guessed he liked it cuz he was throwing himself all over me -_ x which ruined my end performance haha. he saw my pole video before i posted it here. and he said he liked it. haha hes not a mans man, like getting all loud about it. but.......yea he enjoys what he gets!
hoho · 9/8/2009
Stop over-thinking this and just do it! The best dance your boyfriend will ever see is the one you are going to do. He will be amazed at what you can do. He will adore your athleticism, grace and heat. He does not pour over forums and videos cataloging what you can and cannot do. Everything you do when you get up there is right. Pole dancing is an individual art so simply do your thing. I would not show a video of you dancing. It is cold, impersonal, passive and seems a bit instructional. No! Bring the smoldering girl he loves, live and in-person. Nothing beats 3-D! Give yourself the luxury of interaction. Most strips clubs are based on fantasy...you will be an amazing dancer for him in that you are bringing fantasy and reality. Feel the music, don't be running obsessive 8-counts in your head and HAVE FUN! If you unplug the self-doubt segment of your brain, simply do what you know and enjoy the dance FOR YOU, your boyfriend will have an exceptional show. So, put away the laptop, turn up your ipod, try on outfits until you find the one that puts a devious smile on your face and get your booty to The Main Stage!!!!!!!!
Jonnie · 9/8/2009
Amcuts right, but seriously guys point of view... Hes gonna love it. Just the fact your doing it hes gna feel brilliant. Make it fun too. he wont be able to take his eyes off you and if you focus like on the pole and not him its gna be a real tease. I really wouldnt be nervous. best thing iv seen is during a thunder storm a girl picked up my fire poi, she danced in the pouring down rain whilst thunders cracking around us, she was soaked i was there I couldnt believe how hot she looked, but abviously couldnt touch her because id get whacked with balls of fire. Honestly even thinking about it now best thing iv seen ever. You'l do great, im sure your gna have alot of fun. 🫡
Veena · 9/8/2009
Ok so heres how I feel.....you have nothing to be shy about because you should dance for YOURSELF and HE is lucky enough to get the privilege to watch you 😉 So don't think about dancing "for" him, just dance and enjoy yourself, its all about you not him. LOL You can pay attention to him when your good and ready. Be confident and don't worry about what he is thinking. Have fun! 🥂
miss fern · 9/9/2009
Exactly Castleoutsider! So what you have to do is change your mindset, or the situation so you are dancing for YOU! Closing your eyes is a good tip. Or tell him you're not ready to dance for him yet, but he's welcome to watch you 'practise'. Then start practising (with music and dancing, not just humping and grunting and trying hard things obviously) - without him and when he comes in just keep going. Also - don't worry about the girls he might have seen in the strip club! All the girls in the clubs are just regular girls too, and they make mistakes, they feel embarrassed, they have wobbly thighs and bellies. But the lights and the atmosphere disguise most of that. So dim the lights, pick your mood music, and pretend like he's not there. Good luck! ☀️ LOL i have several of me dancing.. just the fact im dancing for him terrifies the shit out of me lol.
LittleC · 9/9/2009
I totally understand your nerves - I felt the same way the first time I was going to dance for my hubby. It sounds like you *might* be a little bit of a perfectionist (takes one to know one 😉 ) and the more I planned the music, the lighting, what I would wear, the more nervous I became. So one night, after we'd had a good dinner together, I just did it. I wore what I felt like wearing, used the first song that popped into my playlist, gave a little disclaimer that I didn't have a routine or anything and I hoped he would like it, and you know what? He liked it. And believe me, it was far from perfect! Your boyfriend doesn't care about your transitions, or a costume - he will care that you are putting on a little show for him and making an effort. And he will love it. Good luck and have fun with it!
SissyBuns · 9/9/2009
The first time I danced for my hubby it was completely unproffessional LOL. I don't even think I did any real good spins LOL. I'm still a beginner and was a real beginner at that point. I had actually just gotten my pole. I turned down the lights, let him choose a song he wanted me to dance to then moved, and wiggled and shimied all around the room. I smiled a lot and involved him in the dance by touching him and dancing directly in front of him and on his lap and he loved it! My husband is not impressed by inverts and crazy spins because that's not sexy to him. He doesn't see the beauty and sensuality in a beautiful gemini or a one handed pinwheel. He enjoyed the simple things that reminded him of sex basically LOL. Hip rolls, sexy bending over, floor work with my legs open and closing in a teasing way, trailing fingers lingering over the "important spots", hair flips, slow pole walks...all of the easy sensual stuff. I didn't concern myself with pulling off good spins or impressive tricks 1 because I didn't know many and 2 because it was personalized for his tastes. Remember there are no rules when dancing for your man. Like some one else said, he doesn't pour over forums studying the art. Usually the site of his woman and a pole is enough to peek his interest and then his woman, on a pole, being sexy and seductive....is enough to cause him to end your performance ahead of schedule LOL. I think most relationship pole dances end before the song is actually over. And that's a good sign in my book 😁 It will probably only take a few minutes before he has had enough already and just wants to touch that sexy fox working her body for him. Do it playfully with no big frills promised and you'll be fine. When in doubt...touch him. Kiss him. Then back off and dance some. Tease him. That'll get his motor running alright! 👍
SissyBuns · 9/9/2009
Oh...and taking off your clothes doesn't hurt either! Remember...no rules!
Dirdy Birdy · 9/23/2009
Hey hun, from what I've learnt from personal experience is that the guy is turned on by your confidence more then anything else. If he sees that you're enjoying it, and that it's turning you on, it'll turn him on. So whatever dance moves you do, do them with an air of 'I'M THE SHIT' This might seem daunghting cause you'll have thoughts racing through your mind like, 'do I look good?', 'is he enjoying this?', 'is he laughing at me?', 'is he looking at my bloated stomache?' and son on. Try to squeesh those thoughts as they're not true. The guy will be looking at YOU. Think sexy thoughts! Cause you know what they say- 'you are what you eat' Huh?...hang on a sec
jellycat1 · 9/27/2009
Pick a SLOW and SHORT song, and keep it simple. The first time I danced for hubby, (which was strangely enough just this week) I rocked it out a little too hard. By the time I was done I was sweaty and out of breath. He had "other things" in mind and I just wanted a rest. So skip the inverts and climbs and all the impressive stuff you've been working on. And a schoolgirl skirt usually helps. Good luck.
yourloveismydrug · 6/11/2011
let me just start out by saying that i have yet to dance for my boo. and that i am no where near good. but that aside, i can tell you this, if its you he wants to see, then he'll be happy with that. as others have said, he doesn't know much about this, unless he's an instructor or something. he won't know that you have stepped a little too far or switched your hand wrong or were supposed to do a different spin. in fact, the best advice i could give is to improve. take a few of your most favorite moves and just throw them into a sexy little strut/dance for your man. remember , keep it simple. men are "microwaves", hit one button and then they are on. wear your favorite underwear, go barefoot, and just let your hair hang loose. the fact that you aren't putting in a sh*t ton of effort to look perfect shows more confidence in you than anything else, and that is THE turn on. REMEMBER, HE IS THERE TO SEE YOU DANCE, NOT YOUR SHOES, MAKEUP, OR FRILLS!! just have fun with it. make it intimate but stripped down
ShellyBelly · 6/11/2011
Oh my gosh, lucky him! My first dance for my hubby... EEK! I decided to do a slow sexy dance... Didn't go COMPLETELY right lol. Wanted to take my hair down and flip it down, so I took my clip off and threw it and hear "OW"! I hit him in the face when I threw my clip lol, so stick to hair down! Just have fun with it, I think that was my problem. Feel the music and embrace your sexy. Men dont really care about the tricks, so don't worry about that. They just want to see skin lol. Good luck hun! I know he'll love it!
JessesGirl96 · 6/12/2011
I have yet to dance for my guy too. Even though logically I realize that he really won't care as long as there is a lot of skin and a lot of booty shaking I still can't get up the nerve! I think the trick for me will be to have a set routine and perfect it. Freestyle would be entirely too scary!
JeHanne · 6/12/2011
Confidence is extremely important!!! If you do not have it entirely use the 'fake it until you make it' technique. Stay within the moves you are comfortable with. Have a few 'fall back' moves to go back to if you start to feel nervous or forget what you were going to do. You can do some slow back arches, touch your leg, twirl your hair, brush against his knee... you get the idea. It is your dance, you are in control. He will love it! Have fun. : )
MissMegi77 · 6/13/2011
I can immagine how stresfull it is, didn't dance for my hubby yet but I have to agree that for him it's most imortant that it's HIS GIRL DANCING FOR HIM, not how many inverts you did. Sexy moves, some floorwork and his yours. :D
Cherished · 6/13/2011
If you are super nervous you can make a routine and practise without a mirror but film to see how your body moves even if you think you suck at the first viewing (I was shocked lol) keep practising and you will see your improvements and become more confident. In front of the BF do the moves you are most comfortable with or best at then distract him with a striptease once you run out of energy to pole ;)
ennifer2277 · 6/14/2011
I've done two performances for my boyfriend, one in person (an no pole, just floor stuff) and the next one, since I've been abroad, over skype. I felt like my confidence was definitely better the second time since I could imagine myself not being looked at by a camera, but for the first dance I did for him I was very nervous! What helped me is my friend, who's a stripper (and even if she's not, she's very confident! lol) showed me only a few things...the rest was really what I knew. But having her there to help me do a very "rough" coreographing helped my confidence sooooo much! Also, having her watch it about 10 times helped as well. Even still, when I did it for my boyfriend and made some terrible embarassing mistakes (one of which involved me hitting my head hard on the floor on accident), I realized he didn't care! He loved it, and when I screwed up, he actually just saw the quirkier side of me and found it attractive, he said later. So relax, if you have a friend that could even just watch a rough draft of it, it'll help a ton, and don't worry if you make mistakes! 🙂
glitterhips · 6/15/2011
If you can do it, get a copy of the idiot's guide to pole and exotic dance. the book has entire chapters on this subject exactly and covers tons of stuff you wouldnt even think about and gives suggestions for themes, costumes etc. and the girl who wrote it has a good sense of humor so its a fun read regardless, but it does have some pole and chair/floorwork in there too and comes with a dvd. i am not getting paid to say this that was just a really good resource i have used in the past. and for transtions and such or sexy poses to do on the pole veena's lessons are awesome!!!!!