custom bumper sticker causing drama

GlitterSteph started this discussion · 5/14/2015

https://m.facebook.com/usawtfm/photos/a.391474713605.169598.242181938605/10153346213578606/?type=1&theater&mds=%2Fsharer-dialog.php%3Ffs%3D7%26sid%3D10153346213578606&mdf=1 So I had this made for my husband's car while he was deployed. Because I love it. And I love pole fitness lOl. He's been driving it for over a year. We moved to hawaii and only been here 2 weeks and I get a friend telling me is on a "WTF army" facebook page. I laughed. I think it's funny it has so many likes. the comments are harsh but I understand they don't know who I am and that it's not personal. But I thought I'd share the ensuing drama with my pole family lol. Hope you all like the sticker!

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37 replies

GlitterSteph · 5/14/2015
Stefana of Light · 5/14/2015
:) love that sticker!
GlitterSteph · 5/14/2015
Thanks!
catmoves2718 · 5/17/2015
I've seen that on t-shirts, and I find it funny too, but given all the stereotypes about military wives, I'm not surprised by the harsh comments. I started pole when my husband was on his first deployment, and while he was proud of me and would tell people he knew about it, it wasn't the sort of thing we announced. As a personal decision, I don't think either of us would have put it on a car that he drove on to base. Also, honestly, I would have worried about it being held/used against him either at promotion time or just because someone felt like being an a-hole--but my husband was in the MC, where I think on average they get f-ed with more about every little thing.
firebird · 5/17/2015
Yes seen this many times (the graphic) funny and cute, tho part of me feels it's a bit mean, tho admittedly I can't quite put my finger on why... Anyway, besides the point -- sort of... The main reason I'm responding is because -- pardon the ignorance (& feels worse yet considering I grew up in a total military town surrounded by folks in every branch here!) -- WHAT stereotype abt military wives? Please do explain, enquiring minds wanna know! Bc I'm certain I don't! Is it sleazy? Or conservative? Or ...? Haha, sorry to be so nosey but curious to understand better the reactions you guys have gotten from the bumber sticker... Which overall I do have to commend you on your ballsy-ness for sporting it around, military or not!
GlitterSteph · 5/17/2015
Haha so I have seen this but it always said girlfriend not wife. So I had it made because I think it's funny and it opens people up to ask about it and more for me to talk about pole fitness. I wouldn't have made it if I thought it would be found rude or offensive. If the other girl was obese or purposely made fun of I wouldn't have made it but because it's your average girl symbol I loved it :) I am a military spouse but unfortunately military spouses get hated on alot. They often get called "dependas" or women who depend on their husbands. "Only married them for housing, pay, and benefits " usually talked about as being lazy or fat or mooching because many are stay at home moms. Also usually labeled as cheaters because many do since thEir husband's are always gone. Now I don't say any of that, I don't belong in any of thosE categories either. I have unfortunately seen many spouses who cheat and can't live while their husbands are deployed or at training. it's awful ... b u t it's not only military wives who cheat. So yeah... they assume since my husband has that sticker and is in the military that it automatically makes me a whore/stripper/cheater. And pages like that are just set up for bullying really. But I got a good laugH. My husband said he had multiple people find him the next day and I apologized and he said "no, it's ok. Gives me a chance to explain about pole fitness" he got several people asking where I take classes and where I bought the sticker. So I'm taking no harm in it but was a bit surprised at all the attention it got lol
Tamarinda · 5/18/2015
The comments on that are disgusting, I hate male dominated facebook groups cuz they usually get very disrespectful and degrading toward women... Then you have a few snipey random women coming in and agreeing with the guys to try and make themselves seem cool and like one of the guys... Cool sticker though!!! You got a lot of people's attention. I wish people would get over pole dancing and stop projecting their hang-ups on us, but probably not in my lifetime... It's fun, endorphin rushes are great. Dancing is fun lol let's get over it now. If you choose yoga as a release and had a sticker in a flexy yoga pose then nobody would have said anything... PS. Judging from this post it seems army wives have a lot to go through, much respect. But it was so cool that you had some support from people you know too :D
GlitterSteph · 5/18/2015
Thanks tamarinda :) I had posted it on my personal page and knew if I had tried to defend myself or my sport it would only get worse. Plus... with me being a "plus sized dancer" I knew it would be extra harsh once they stalked my profile. So instead my friends tried to defend me lol. I had told them I knew it wasn't about me personally since the comment or didn't know me. But it was still harsh and my friends felt the need to speak up. It was touching lol
catmoves2718 · 5/18/2015
Firebird: Perhaps those sorts of comparisons make you uncomfortable because there is an implication that one is better than the other. Just a thought.
SToast · 5/19/2015
Being married to a Deputy has made me realize that our whole family is scrutinized and held to a higher standard than the average person. I'm guessing it's the same with the military. If the "average joe" had this on their vehicle the comments would be different. But since it's on the vehicle of a military person people are a lot more harsh. It's totally unfair, and unless his superiors advise him to remove the sticker, just ignore the haters and be proud of your skill.
PinkPhoenix · 5/19/2015
My husband has it on a shirt and people love that shirt. He is in the military and he just make sure for the sake of the ear noise that he only wears the shirt around people that are not up tight. I served as well and one of my friends actually stripped when she was on liberty. They can't do a thing about it as long as she didn't wear anything that pertained to the military, so maybe it's the Army sticker next to it that upset people, but if people truly wanted to get bent out a shape I would think every service member would be brought up on charges because you aren't allowed to copulate in any other position other than missionary, so people need to gasp and clutch their pearls over their own OMG's.
poleisnewtome · 5/19/2015
I don't have a problem with the sticker, but you need to question yourself why you decided to put it up to begin with. Clearly to get some kind of reaction, no? The sticker is kind of snarky. It's not like it simply says "My wife loves pole dance." It compares one wife (boring, conservative, maybe kind of prudish) with another wife (sexy, outgoing, a bit of an exhibitionist). I'm not saying you're one or the other, but this is what the sticker implies, so people will most likely have a negative reaction for this reason.
lazarenka · 5/19/2015
Oh that's hot s***!! I love it
GlitterSteph · 5/19/2015
@pole is new to me... I didn't see the sticker as that in anyway. And have actually had it for more then a year with mostly possitive reactions. If it was negative no one said so :) I was surprised it took so long for someone to post it on a page like that. like I mentioned I never would have put it up if I thought it would be offensive to any one. I already get people who give me grief for pole so I like to advertise it and thought this was more fun then a sticker that said I love pole fitness :) and none of the comments say anything about making women look boring or conservative (I'm conservative and very religious too lol) they all just assumed I was a whore/skeezy girl who sleeps around. So I don't think they took it that way either l
GlitterSteph · 5/19/2015
My husband's response is that yes it's snarky but really it's in the perception of the person who looks at it. People who pole dance love it, people who think strippers are bad are offended, and people who think pole dance is inappropriate won't like it either. Most people just laugh or smile about it but it's all in how you perceive it :)
PinkPhoenix · 5/20/2015
Your hubby is correct it all comes down to perception. I got that for my hubby in shirt form and he knows who he can wear it around and who he can't. His last command was a really laid back command, so everyone thought that it was a cool shirt and that I was the coolest person that they ever met, but on the flip side he would never wear the shirt around some of his relatives because they are still in the dark ages of pole dancing, so it would not go well. people are going to hate if it's not "normal" to them or if it doesn't fit into their perception of life and behavior. If you like the sticker and you know that you aren't skeezy then leave it. If it's starting to wear on you then maybe you should take it off and just put it on your fridge or something. When you post things you open yourself up to everyone's opinions.
poleisnewtome · 5/20/2015
I would not go so far as thinking people would be OFFENDED, that would be way oversensitive! I guess it just runs along the lines of those rear windshield stickers with the mother, father and 2.5 children. So, you have a perfect nuclear family! Good for you, who cares! LOL It's just the "me better than you" thing that sticks out for me. At least that's the way I'm thinking some people MIGHT interpret it. But maybe I'm overthinking it.
PinkPhoenix · 5/20/2015
I don't take it as I'm better than you. I see it as someone being proud of their accomplishment no matter what it is. If I took everything I see as a "I'm better than you gesture", then I would have to take time to myself and figure out what is missing in my life that I see this person's choice to post their accomplishment as a Nananana-boo-boo? That's usually why people hate on others anyway. It's negativity in themselves (which ever fashion it should show up, bitterness, jealousy, self-hate etc.) that is rising to the surface. Other times it's just what people were taught to believe and never challenged it. To each it's own.
nancyb8888 · 5/20/2015
It's no different than when the Pussycat Dolls sing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"
catmoves2718 · 5/20/2015
That sticker/shirt is pretty snarky regardless of who is looking at it. While I find it kinda funny in a snarky sort of way, I do think the comparison implies that one of these women is better, or more desirable, than the other. Personally, I feel like there is a difference between being proud of one's accomplishments and pointing out what others can't/don't do. For example, I worked on the shoulder mount for a long time before I got it, so when I did get it, I was really proud of that accomplishment. I told a friend who doesn't pole dance what I could finally do, and she was happy for me, presumably because she could tell I was excited. What I did not, and would not do is point out that she can't shoulder mount, even though I doubt she was capable of doing so (at that time). My point is, I can be proud of my accomplishments without making comparisons to other people and what they cannot or choose not to do. Good or bad, I think that sticker/shirt says more than just, my wife pole dances and I'm proud of her. I do wonder, if you already get negative reactions about pole, why would you put a sticker on your husband's car? It seems to me that a more effective way to start positive conversations about pole based on a bumper sticker would be to put a sticker that said something like "I love pole fitness" on your car. People who are uncomfortable with pole probably aren't going to like that either, but I think people who are neutral, or don't know much about pole, might be more likely to respond positively to that message, especially if the word "fitness" was used.
catmoves2718 · 5/20/2015
I just wanted to add that I'm not trying to say that anyone is wrong for liking the sticker/shirt, or finding it funny, or even displaying it on their shirt or vehicle. I'm just trying to explain why it makes me uneasy, even though it made me snicker at first.
Mike Burns · 5/20/2015
I started pole fitness when my wife was in the Army. It was our little secret for a while. After a while, I kinda loosened up and mention the fact to a few friends. Generally, (after a quick comment about dollar bills and thongs) they would commend me on my physical displays of things they couldn't even dream of doing. Also, knowing I was an elite gymnast, they were not surprised at my choice of this extracurricular. They had a knee jerk reaction that was biased and based on prejudice but when they thought about it for a moment, they realized that I'm still me. The majority of people are clueless as to what "pole" means to the majority of us veeners. I feel like the bumper sticker never offers an opportunity to get to know you or set aside any misconceptions... it's sort of like rubbing what you do in people's faces. While it "shouldn't" be a catalyst for such negativity, it definitely shouldn't be a mystery why it provokes harsh comments.
GlitterSteph · 5/20/2015
It's not a mystery. I know that people have that reaction. I was surprised at it on the page but not really. I am happy with it that's why it's on my vehicle. I am a bit snarky any ways but sadly I have to defend what I do regularly whether I had that sticker or noT. I am a bit more surprised at some of these comments more so then the people trash talking it :) but still not offended or hurt or anything. I still feel it's unique and funny to me. And my husband supports it :)
Phoenix Hunter · 5/21/2015
I think you're right marinebarbie, the bumper sticker is just a bit of humor. I see snarky bumper stickers of all sorts. I don't take them as a personal offense nor do I feel someone should be made to feel bad about being proud of what you do and having a sense of humor about it. I'm surprised by some of the comments here myself. It's a funny sticker.
PinkPhoenix · 5/21/2015
Well it's like stated before it's all on perception if you see it as a snarky my wife is better than yours then oh well that's you. my hubby wears it cause he loves that I pole. It's no different then the cross-fit stuff that is out there. Some merchandise gives off the "If you don't cross fit then you aren't working hard enough. I don't see it that way, but some people do. Remember that uproar over that lady that was in a bikini with her 3 children and the caption said "What's your excuse"? So many people thought that she was "Fat Shaming" I didn't not feel that way. I mean dang she has 2 businesses and 3 children, and she was in phenomenal shape. I however don't have any kids and I work one full-time job. Why am I not in better shape. (Not her shape, but better shape). So what is for one person isn't for another that is society and reality, it's where we live. If you can't do it that has nothing to do with me. That's ALL YOU. There are classes and lessons that will teach you how to do it. Then you will cross over from not being able to do it, to attempting it and if you stick with it, being able to do it. People aren't going to always like what we do. I'm just not sensitive, to what people post. My Hubby better think that I'm better than someone else's wife or I may have a problem. Hello! =) I'm not out to appeal to other women's husbands, i don't think any of us are, but if we feel sexy, strong, and confident doing this then screw the haters! Let them sit in there self doubts and whatever low self-esteem that they got going on and you do you. Make no apologies. Life's too short to overly care about what people think of you. As for comparing I did it with a 9 year old. Lol, I was in a contortion class and it's mostly kids and the little girl did a chest stand and brought her little feet to her head and said, "Can you do this?" Knowing good and darn well I couldn't. So I smiled at her and said, "No, but I can drive and stay up past 9P.M., can you?!" That was snarky and funny and we had a good time in our class together she gave me one of the best pieces of advice. "Don't eat before coming to class cause you don't want to fart on your head." We compare even when we don't know it, we may not always say it out loud or post it for all the world to see. We're all different we all live our lives differently. If you don't post things like that, good on you you're not that type of person. If you do rock on, but be mindful that not everyone is going to like what you post.

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