coping with anxiety?!? :(

glitterhips started this discussion · 11/27/2010

This might be surprising to some people because when I tell people about it they always go "really? you are always so happy i would never guess!" but as a teenager i was diagnosed with severe anxiety/depression. the depression has gotten much better but it seems like my anxiety is getting way way worse in exchange. i worry way too much about everything, when i think about things that are particularly unsettling to me my stomach even feels sick because i get that worked up about things, it's crazy. for example my most recent worry is my dog...she is a ten year old german shepherd and i am worrying so much about her not being around for much longer...but besides from arthritis in her back legs and a little bit of a limp she is just fine so i have no idea why i am worrying about something i don't even have to deal with yet! but that is my biggest problem, i am a big "what if" person or i will worry about things that are going to happen eventually but not anytime soon (like my doggie.) does anyone have any experience with this or any ways to help focus on enjoying now instead of worrying about what will happen ten years from now. i am also going to get my medication dosage increased or switched to a new one (I am taking wellbutrin now but it doesn't seem to be helping) but that takes a while to kick in and i also don't want to be so reliant on medication that i have no ways of coping with the anxiety within myself. my paternal grandma and my dad are both the same exact way and have always been huge worriers/had anxiety so i think part of it is hereditary and also just because I have seen them doing it for 24 years and I learned from their example. even my dog i mentioned above has always been anxious/nervous and doesn't like to go anywhere besides our house because she has anxiety (it's so true that pets pick up personalities of their owners) and i'm having anxiety worrying about the dog who has her own anxiety too, it's really just ridiculous when you think about it! i totally feel like a freak for even admitting all of this but if i'm making myself nauseous from anxiety i feel like i need to talk to other people about it besides my therapist (wow now i feel like an even huger freak after admitting that haha) this is something i have kept mostly hidden from people besides my family, even my boyfriend of over a year and my bff for the past 7-8 years don't know the full extent of my anxiety because i don't want them to think i'm totally off my rocker. I just don't want to be like my grandma and dad who have spent the majority of their lives dealing with anxiety, i would like to try to eliminate it completely but i don't even know if that's possible. i've done some googling but the websites that come up haven't been too helpful...any advice or coping mechanisms you guys have would be great, i am kind of at a loss for what to do about this 😐

23 replies

surfrancis2009 · 11/27/2010
wow i deal with this exact same thing..my anxiety leads into an anxiety attack..which feels wat i would think a heart attack would feel like but im 23 so there is no way but i leared to try and stop thinking about things by listening to mellow music,close your eyes and jus breath,,or jus lose yourself in somthing you love..hope that helps a lil..
MommaBear · 11/28/2010
Anxiety . . . the story of my life 🙄 I had such horrible anxiety, that lead to such severe panic attacks, that I didn't leave my house for months. Didn't take the kids to school, didn't go grocery shopping, didn't do anything at all if it involved leaving my house - the one thing I HAD to do was show up for Christmas at my moms, and I think I came pretty close to dying (in retrospect, of course not, but at the time, it sure felt that way). My aunt gave me an Ativan that night and after that I got my own script and started to take it before bed every night - it helped me sleep and eased the intensity of the anxiety incredibly. Amazing what a good nights sleep and awakening without an anxiety monster on your chest can do. Once I had a good month of feeling a bit more comfortable, I began to ease off the medication and have not used it since - unless it was desperately necessary (i.e., a trip to Florida because being far from home is a huge trigger and the other time was when meeting with a lawyer over a long standing issue with my son's school). So 2x in the past year or so ain't so bad 😀 Looking back, I feel like having the gift of a month to get in the pattern of having more healthy thoughts, and not ones ridden and poisoned with panic, was the best thing I could have done and the only way to break the horrible cycle I had gotten into. The problem with all anti-anxiety meds are that they have the tendency to be very addicting, so you have to always keep that in mind and use them with a mindful goal and short term intentions. I learned everything I could about anxiety and panic. Knowledge is power. There is a great book called The Anxiety and Panic Workbook. There is also a good website called paniccenter.net. The best tool I have learned is relaxation breathing (where you breathe super deep and fill your lungs completely with air, so that your belly sticks out and at the same time, breathe slow) and that has worked the best for me. I kinda suck at the meditation and "think of a calm place and imagine yourself there" thing, but breathing, I do that all the time, I can figure that out 😂 Since the darkest part has passed, I have done quite well. I started working with a therapist on how to completely rid myself of this crap and haven't had much success. Mine came out of nowhere and I was hoping it would leave the same way, but it still kinda lurks in the background, which is frustrating. My therapist wants me to embrace my inner child and comfort her and tell her it's okay to be scared - whereas I have less compassion - I get anxiety and I get pissed - I am angry that I have to deal with it and that it interferes with my life in any way - I want my old self back. So, that whole issue is still a work in progress. She wants me to embrace it, I wanna kick it's ass 💪 My anxiety and depression has been diagnosed as free-floating; meaning there is no specific cause. It comes in ebbs and tides, certain times of the month I seem to fare better then others. And, it appears it is not going away. So, since it wants to continue to bother me, I'm just going to continue to fight it. Things that have helped me: 1. The Anxiety and Panic Workbook 2. paniccenter.net 3. Learning how to breathe through panic 4. Stopped watching the news 5. Making time for myself & exercising (pole) 6. Journaling whatever I feel like journaling 7. Made a list of all the things that make me happy 8. Made a list of all the things that I like about me 7 & 8 are way corny, but they do work. Depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand and running through my mental list of "happy thoughts" now and then has helped - I'm already thinking about Tootsie Rolls and smiling. Also, my mental list about what I like about me and what makes me a good person helps when I have anxiety that deals with social situations (where I generally feel the most disconnected and uncomfortable). I hope some piece or part will help in some way. Since I have opened up about my little demon, I am amazed at how many people deal with the exact same stuff. Sometimes it just helps to know you aren't the only freak.
chemgoddess1 · 11/28/2010
I love L-Theanine for days that are difficult for me to get through. I do not suffer daily but there are some days that life just seems overwhelming and I rely on this. It is what is in green tea that calms you. I recently have had some nasty things going on in my life and this was the only thing that got me through it, and I do not worry about nasty sides or becoming addicted.
LittleC · 11/28/2010
So sorry that you are having a tough time, Glitter! I come from a big family of worriers as well and for several years I took medication to control my anxiety. Over time, I felt like they were becoming less effective - and even though they lessened the anxiety to a degree, they made me feel really strange and I didn't like that either. I started seeing an acupuncturist and that is what made the biggest difference for me - after some time I was able to stop taking medicine completely. That is not right for everyone but I am grateful that it became an option for me. I do take herbs to help me stay panic free that my acupuncturist gives me, and besides poling I also do a lot of yoga. Talking to other people helped me a lot too - I hope that knowing other women understand makes you feel better too! Good luck - it CAN get better. I am so much more relaxed and able to live now than I ever was. 🌸
MrsNaughtywed · 11/28/2010
For a second I thought I wrote this post. Glitterhips, I am the exact same way too! I was diagnosed at 16 with having anxiety and depression. I don't think I'm depressed anymore but I would say my anxiety is still a problem. I haven't been on meds in several years. I've been able to cope well. I have found pole dancing to really help me cope. It distracts me from anxiety. 🙂
glitterhips · 11/28/2010
Thanks everyone for the responses! And thank you Mommabear for sharing all of that with me, I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one out there that is experiencing this. I will have to try the remedies suggested here, I have wanted to try hot yoga after reading that thread on here about it and now even more so if it helps with anxiety. I will pick up that green tea stuff as well and look into other natural herbs/pills to take. I'm hoping some of that stuff will help me so I can maybe eventually wean myself off the medication like you girls have done 😀
Journey · 11/29/2010
I have anxiety and depression problems, too - I used to be on medication for the panic attacks (chest pains) but all it did was change my daily, dull panic attacks into a once a week, completely debilitating one. I stopped taking the meds when I got pregnant because I didn't want to risk the effects on my baby. I never got back on them. This is obviously still a struggle for me, but I have had to learn just to make myself change the subject sometimes; worrying and stressing over stuff obviously doesn't help or solve anything, so I've just had to learn to think about something else. And if I can't get my mind off the stressful subject, then I physically go find something to do that will keep my mind occupied. For me, my mind is my own prison; getting my mind to shut down has always been the biggest challenge. However, there are a few things that I've learned that help me "stop" thinking: reading and writing. I find a book that isn't very long, doesn't require much to figure out what's going on, and has good pacing so it holds my attention and won't let my mind wander. Cheap romance novels work pretty well for me. Also, I like to write fiction, and the stuff I write is similar to what I read (not the cheap romance novel part, but the other stuff 😜). Journaling is nice, too, but doesn't always help me. And pole, of course, is another outlet. Also, another thing (I'm sorry if someone else mentioned this and I missed it): caffeine makes anxiety worse. I had heard that but never really bought into it. But to test it, I cut caffeine out of my diet for a few weeks once and while I didn't notice a difference initially, I had a Mountain Dew after the break and I was a wreck for a few days afterward. Just one bottle of soda gives me chest pains, jitters, makes me jumpy, and restless for 2 or 3 days, so I avoid it. It doesn't help with my thoughts, but it's nice to not be in physical pain... Everyone has different sensitivities to caffeine, and you might avoid caffeine already, but just thought I'd put that out there. Good luck, Glitter, keep us posted! Let us know if there's anything we can do to help!
glitterhips · 11/29/2010
Sadly I am a caffeine junkie and drink at least one large mug of coffee every day plus diet soda, ugh I'm a bad girl I know 🙁 But I had already been thinking about limiting myself to one caffeinated drink a day anyway so maybe I should try to wean myself off of that and see if it makes a difference.....hmmmmm 🤔
Journey · 11/29/2010
Maybe just try what I did - go without for a trail period (trick yourself and switch to decaf *shifty eyes*) and see if you notice a difference??? 🤔 But like I said, with me, I didn't notice a difference until I went back to caffeine and it was like, "Holy crap! This SUCKS!!!" and that alone was enough motivation to make more of an effort to go without. Oh, just FYI: if you're used to that much caffeine, backing off slowly might be a good idea because you can get addicted to caffeine, and it's most likely that you are if you drink that much of it... So have painkillers on hand for those withdrawal headaches. 👍
Stacy · 11/29/2010
I used to have anxiety issues; then I had the haunting experience of being stalked by a suicidal kid who lived next door to me for three weeks when I first moved to a new state and when my husband was freshly deployed in Iraq. To keep a long story short I was able to learn about myself and my higher power by concentrating on all the contributors in my past and present (repression) that instigates anger and anxiety. Sometimes we can reach a level of maturity when the core symptoms of PTSD emerge from childhood. Maybe if you read up on hypnosis and the unique frequencies our brains operate under can help you, for example breathing, pain control, relaxation techniques, etc. Getting educated on specifically what happens in your brain can help because it allows one to better self parent. Knowing when you get low blood sugar is good because there are so many grumpy people cruising around and all they need to do is have a small snack to cheer up. Please remember that life isn't perfect, and when we're at a low, and learn to control it, more balance can be achieved, and the adrenaline we get addicted to can be limited to the pole only (or whatever floats your boat) It will be okay 😀
NaughtyLibrarian · 12/7/2010
Hey, I'm new here, and what thread do I post to first? Just goes to show, even when your depression and anxiety is under control, it's never forgotten. I'll try to keep it short, because everyone has already given wonderful advice. First off, thank you for being brave enough to ask for help and to reveal a part of yourself that most of like to keep hidden. I firmly believe that the stigma of mental illness will never go away until we can all stop being ashamed of who we are. The worst part for anxiety sufferers is that trying to keep it hidden causes more anxiety. You're so afraid of being seen as "crazy". In that vein, try opening up to your boyfriend. Chances are, he'll just want to help. Just make sure to let him know what the best way to help is. If you have at least one person you don't feel you have to hide from, it can make a world of difference. And of course, keep dancing. It's good for the soul.
monica kay · 12/8/2010
i was diagnosed with depression as a teen & I have been to several therapists and tried many anti depressants... no offense to anyone, but i personally feel it is all baloney. Everyone i know has depression, and seems to be common- some are just better at dealing with it than others. I have come to realize that being diagnosed with depression absolutely does not mean you are crazy- i think quite opposite. I believe that if you never experience sadness and depression... THAT is crazy. I no longer seek the help of therapists or pharmaceuticals- they cannot help because there is nothing to cure. The way I deal with my anxiety and depression is to realize I'm perfectly fine the way I am. I have a personal mantra too- something to say quietly to yourself in times of stress. Mine are usually, "Fuck it! Everything is going to be fine..." or "butterflies and unicorns, butterflies and unicorns" lol... others have more poetic mantras like, "This too, shall pass." or even the serenity prayer. I think it is good also, to consider people that are less fortunate that myself. It puts things into perspective and makes me realize that everything is truly going to be ok. My life is great- sometimes even pampered. Some places in Africa, where people starve for days and dont have clean water. There is still slavery in parts of the world, genocide, etc. Meanwhile, I have a home, food, internet, central heating, etc... also- processed sugars and alcohol make me depressed the day after i consume them, so I know to look out for the blues. It helps to deal with depression if you understand WHY you are depressed. When i'm in a hopeless funk and nothing gets me out- i call upon my friends. That's what they are here for- to support you. If they are a good friend, they will not make judgments or think you crazy. Talking about it always helps.
Tiger Leahy · 4/26/2011
I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression when I was 14...I'm now 25 & last year after having my son was diagnosed with post natal depression on top of that.....I learned meditation when i was 21 and omg it's amazing...i got off meds and haven't needed them since....since the PND diagnosis I started pole & joined a gym & try to get out & walk as much as possible....exercise does wonders for the mind:)
Veena · 4/26/2011
I feel for each and everyone of you....I also have this demon 😈 to deal with. Sometimes it seems like there is no escaping it and it can feel like too much. For a while I didn't leave my home. I too end up sick to my stomach but I think the worst part is I don't know when it will hit me. I'll think I'm fine and then boom, panic. What works for me.... I have to take things one day at a time. If I think too far ahead the worry and what if sets in.There is really not much you can control so there is NO POINT in worring about it. It is what it is..... I have used meditation in the past and when it feel it coming on I use it again. I have a big week ahead of me and to be honest...I'm trying not to think too much about any of it or I know I'll freak out! Big hugs to all of you....remember sooooo many women suffer from this, your not weird or broken, or alone. I think its just something most of us go through. I cannot change others, I can only change myself. Remember you do have control over you, our bodies and minds are far more powerful than we know!! ❤️
Dancing Paws · 4/26/2011
I was having anxiety issues a lot after losing my job, having to move away from friends and family, finding out how bad my daddy's health was, etc. They put me on clexa and I got WORSe. i has in panic mode 24/7 for 2 days stright. They took me off of that and put me on prozac, which has helped the depression. For any stress release I do several things. I have made a point of volunteering at the humane society as a dog walker. I get especially excited when they have puppies (they made me squeal with joy.) I have gotten back into things I love doing, but fell out of due to lack of time such as painting, dancing, and reading. I have probably read 100 books these last few years. I'm reading all the time. I enrolled in a painting class through the park's and rec out here. Painting is really soothing. I've had to teach myself to stop worrying about the small stuff. When it comes to your doggie, I totally understand you being upset that it will eventually die, but it's best to enjoy the time you have with it. It is one of the hardest things to lose your dog (we put our dog down in 2005, and I still think about her and get teary eyed) but we have since adopted 3 more crazy woofies, and I would never change that for the world.
Runemist34 · 4/26/2011
Hey guys, I figured I'd chip in my bit, too. When I was younger and in high school, no one knew that there was anything wrong with me...I was just shy, and quiet. Everyone besides my mom, whom I would go to every day, and I'd cry, and I'd tell her all the horrible things I felt every day, and it just got worse and worse. I eventually dropped out...and it took me four months of constant, severe depression before I bounced back. Since then, I've seen any number of counsellors, my doctor has tried and tried to give me drugs (which I will not take, ever), and NO ONE ever bothered to tell me that depression and anxiety sometimes go hand in hand! I wish I had been told that! I took a year "off" of life about five years ago, because I was lucky and Husband and our roommate had good jobs, and i could go on EI, and I went about trying to fix myself. It was difficult, but I did, eventually, make huge leaps in getting rid of my depression. It's almost completely gone at this point. But, lo and behold what was lurking behind it...anxiety, which was getting worse. Much worse, now that I wasn't burying it with depression! And, finally I had an explanation about why I would freak out at bars, and why presenting things at school would make me feel like i wanted to die. Unfortunately, I have two types of anxiety: Social anxiety, which makes me appear shy even if I'm not, and can (apparently!) result in panic attacks, and Generalized anxiety, which doesn't result in panic attacks...it's more like I worry all the time, as my "normal state" as compared to other people. So, through my dealings with depression, I came to several conclusions, and found that certain things worked well for me. I intend to apply them to my anxiety...though I don't feel like I have "time" right now. Silliness. First off: Identification of the problem. I found a lot of people with depression seem to identify it as a personality trait, rather than an issue that is separate from themselves. Yes, it lives inside you, and yes, it's hard to tell when YOU end, and depression begins. That's kind of the point, I think...just the same as we can have physical diseases, and they aren't a part of us, either. So, it's not "I am a depressive," it's more like "I have depression." And, on that note, figure out what it means for you. What happens when you are depressed or anxious? Do you torture yourself with all of those horrible things you MAY have to deal with in time? Do you go through the motions in your head? Do you consider all of the "what if's" before the situation plays out? Do certain things or situations trigger you? And the big one: How do you talk to yourself? In your head, I mean. We're always talking to ourselves, and it's important to be aware. I believe this is a part of "Mindfulness." On that note, meditation can help a lot. Just simple meditation, where you sit, and you listen to yourself. It's a tricky thing, I haven't quite got it yet...but you let yourself think, and you just see where it goes, and you're aware of it. Even if it's painful, because you learn about yourself that way, and you can really learn to slow down and be in the moment. Next up: Getting rid of that stuff. It's hard. Really, it's hard. But, it's doable! I found for me that it's about balance. I started with "Three things that made me happier today," and that's not necessarily that they made me HAPPY, just a little bit (or a lot) more happy than before. Sometimes even three of those things is hard, but they are there. Then, I moved to five or even ten things. I also stopped participating in the News, because that's just a great big freak out waiting to happen. It's so sensationalist, and I don't like it. I haven't watched television in 5 years, and I'm far happier for it. But, you don't have to do that...I just found that it allowed me to stop having so much horrible input. Depending on what goes on for you, the challenge is to find a counter for it. Things like "What if a car hits me when I cross the street?" could, potentially, be countered with something like "What if it doesn't, and something wonderful happens to me instead?" The "something wonderful" can be filled in with whatever you want...but it's important to be as realistic as possible. You've gotta be able to believe it could happen! Like I said, it's tough. But, it's doable! I wish you all luck!
Bluesioux · 4/26/2011
After reading all of this I can really connect with how everyone feels. My whole life growing up, family and friends would say that I was just shy around people. As I went through school, I knew I was shy, but I also noticed that my shyness was different from a "normal" shy. I felt like a deeper shy, and I felt like a weirdo. I've always struggled with fitting in, with impressing others, with making friends (I don't approach people at all, I only make friends with people who approach me first. I'm afraid of people I don't know). Since I was 13 (i'm now 18) i've struggled with self esteem and waves of depression. Sometimes the depression would have a reason, like how I was bullied in grade 7 for my looks and for my "wierdness" and my withdrawal type personality. Other times I would be depressed for no reason at all, or just a bunch of little things overwhelming me. This past year i've been dealing with a lot of stress, panic, anxiety, depression, because my parents started having really bad fights that lead to a divorce and then a dead beat dad who used to be my best friend and now has nothing to do with me (everyone thinks i get my withdrawn/shy personality from him). Lately i've been withdrawing even more than usual. I got better in grade 10 and tried to seem less like a freak who sits in the back of the class and who talks to no one. But I find when something upsets me, I go back to my withdrawing ways. I've lost a lot of friends due to my on and off depression, when the depression is gone/lurking under the surface I tend to make new friends but as soon as it comes back, bam, i'm alone. I also constantly feel separated from the world, and sometimes i'll have a sudden realisation that I exist. For example i'll be watching tv with my boyfriend and suddenly i'm like "Woah, i'm here, watching tv. With a boyfriend... I exist...?". I haven't talked to anyone about my anxiety/depression aside from close friends and my boyfriend. I want to tell my doctor about it, but im scared of antidepressants and im also scared of talking to a therapist, like I mentioned before I'm afraid of strangers, plus I hate crying infront of others because I was brought up being told to stop crying everytime I did. For the past 2 years i've been struggling with trying to get my first job and getting my lisence, my anxiety is what prohibits me from those things. I've done my driving test 3 times already and can't pass it because my anxiety is out of control and I can't concentrate on doing good, i'm so focused on what the tester is marking down and what they are thinking, I even forget who I am or what i'm doing. As for a job, i've applied to many places but my resume doesnt stand out much since once again, i'm afraid of strangers therefore my skills section and experience/volunteer section are lacking. I also stutter or say "umm" or lose my train of thought a lot when I force myself to talk to a stranger. This anxiety makes me feel worthless and like I won't go anywhere in life because it keeps me from doing so many things. I'm constantly talking to myself in my head about how stupid I am and how my life is a waste.
Runemist34 · 4/26/2011
Bluesioux, I know how you feel. It's like you're a feak in a normal world, and no one seems to understand what you're going through, or how they can help, or if they should. People are scary to us and it seems like we miss out on everything because we aren't some kind of social butterfly or something. I'll say this, though: it's not your personality. It's something that you may have gotten through heredity, but it's not there for life, it doesn't have to be permanent, and you aren't broken. No one here is. With social anxiety, I've also seen it called "Social Phobia," and there's one very good thing for phobias. It's not good to the person with the phobia, but it will get results! It's that "confront your fears" thing that people always bang on about. It seems so huge to you now, and people seem so scary, and you get all caught up in what they might be thinking, and what you look like, and how you must seem to others...but I've tried it, in my own little steps, slowly...and it has worked for me. I'm still not all the way there, yet, on the social thing...but I'm a lot better. So you can always try stuff, just really simple stuff, to help you out. You could say "Hello," or "Thank you," to someone, like if they hold a door open for you, or look at you directly. You don't always have to do it, but when you feel strong enough to push yourself. Or, if you're on the bus, you can say Hi to the person next to you, or ask them how their day is. It's hard, yes, but like I said...you don't have to force yourself to do it ALL the time. Just...when you feel you can. When you feel just strong enough to step a little bit out of that box. You could even get someone to go with you when you go out, so they can be a bit of a safety net. And, as for looking for a job...it comes in time. Trust me! It really does! I've had to find jobs more than I've actually HAD a job, so I've got practice. You could rehearse your answers away from the potential jobs, if you can figure out a few of the common questions. I do it all the time, in my head. "I'm availaible all the time," or "I left that job because of school," or whatever. Sometimes I try to make it seem funny. Like I said, it's not your personality...it's a disease in your head. You didn't decide to be this way, and you have the power to change it. Really.
starryeyed · 4/26/2011
Oh man, I have SUCH bad social anxiety! And it only started about 5-6 years ago (when I was about 20) out of nowhere. I've had issues with depression and general anxiety since I was a kid but I was always pretty confident and was even quite the entertainer. Then all of the sudden my self-esteem took a swan dive and now I’m incredibly fearful of social situations (I get the shakes); I get super paranoid where I think everyone thinks badly about me (and I end up twisting things into something negative); I have horrible body image issues (I’m naturally really skinny and have always gotten hurtful comments about it but used to have the self-confidence to not let it get to me but now I look in the mirror and think I look disgusting). I push ppl away because maintaining relationships is so stressful and now that I’ve moved to California I don’t have any friends anyway (except my bf) because I feel like I’ve become so awkward and unlikeable—how can I make friends if I don’t even feel like myself anymore?? Sigh…..sorry, I’ve been keeping a lot of this bottled up. It just sucks being irrationally fearful all the time and feeling like it has almost entirely erased the real me. On a more positive note, pole has done WONDERS for my depression…I don’t ever get that drowning sensation anymore, thank god! Also, putting on a bit of muscle weight is slowly changing my body hatred and it helps knowing that it’ll only get stronger. Some other things that have helped are getting lots of sunshine, proper nutrition, a regular sleep schedule, and limiting caffeine. Now I just need to tackle the anxiety somehow…Anyway, I had to get that out, just talking about it and seeing that it’s not just me helps a lot—thanks for listening. 🙂
Kira · 4/26/2011
ahhh I love you guys! Just came on here to cheer myself up and I find this thread and it has made me feel better now. I don't have anxiety as such, I don't really know what I have as I tend to avoid diagnosing myself. I used to have depression and self harmed but that was down to crazy hormones and the usual stress of being a teenager. I went travelling to 'find' myself and I did, I came back feeling on top of the world, I knew myself inside out and was happy with who I was but being back I've slowly gone down and down... I recently started a new job and earlier went on post work drinks with 4 other colleagues. I wanted to get out of it but I forced myself to go (I never go out, I've lost contact with a lot of friends since coming back because I reject invitations and they have slowly given up contacting me) and I left feeling crap. I can't do social situations. I'm scared of people judging me, I get tired trying to have conversations and hearing about people's amazing achievements, I get REALLY uncomfortable if people notice me so I never dress nice or in bright colours, I just want to fade into the background but yet I still want people to get to know me. I know I am genuine and a nice person but I am so closed off people think I am rude, cold or disinterested and I don't mean to be but I just auto act like that :/ I often let people talk about themselves and ask questions about them and I just don't speak. If they are nice they ask questions about me and I'll give a short, vague answer but more often than not they love to talk about themselves and inside I'm screaming "ask me what I do!!" I don't know why I don't talk about myself. I feel ashamed and like I am boasting just talking about my hobbies! It's weird. I bottle things up and I go quiet, I just don't know what to do. I get really upset and nervous and it's just such a nightmare :/ I'm also feeling so lonely right now, losing contact with apparently 'close' friends - some just ignore me for no reason and I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 years. I'm terrified to let anyone get close to me apart from the select few that know me. I don't know why I'm so nervous and scared to let people get to know me, I'm my own worst enemy... Anyway, I agree with everyone about pole. I truly am myself when I pole and dance, it makes me so happy that I just get over myself and show off my moves. Now if only I can apply that to 'real life'....
Bluesioux · 4/26/2011
Runemist, I think that's a good idea, to start small. Something that I find terrifying is talking to strangers on the phone, or answering the phone. I can't even order a pizza because I get so self conscious about it and feel like im too stupid to know how to properly order a pizza. I know it sounds pathetic, but something in my head just makes me feel like talking on the phone is like talking to the devil. I can't even bring myself to return stuff at the mall because i'm too scared to approach the sales person or i'll feel embarassed and like im an amateur. Ollie, I TOTALLY understand what you mean, i'm the exact same way with pushing people away and slowly losing friends. Everything you said in that post really hit home to me, and i'm scared that since i'm starting university in the fall i'm going to be all alone with no friends except for my boyfriend. I want to make some new friends, but I don't want a huge social circle. I'm one to feel more comfortable having a few good friends and some buddies here and there. I also don't party or drink, and that's basically what goes down in university at least where I live. I want to make friends wtih people who are my type.. you know?
Kira · 4/26/2011
Bluesioux - yeah!! I have a rather narrow view of making new friends now which I know is kinda 'wrong' but I've had too many fake friendships I don't want to waste my time being used by such people anymore. I feel people have to earn my friendship, so they have to work to get to know me almost... like I love films and pole and other normal stuff but I don't talk about it unless someone asks me or engages in a conversation with me. Otherwise they aren't my type and I have no interest. I used to drink and party a lot but I've changed and it seems to be so hard to find others of that mentality because it's somehow seen that people that don't drink or party or like to get pissed a lot are not normal people or cool thus they don't talk to you. It's pathetic and part of me doesn't care but part of me yearns to be part of a crowd, to be accepted. It's lame and I'm always at loggerheads with myself about it, sometimes I fake it and go out party and etc. but I always end up feeling rubbish and a fake. Sorry I went on a rant there, just so glad that others are as conflicted as I am in social situations lol
PowerTwirl · 5/7/2011
Journey said it, your mind can be your own prison. I feel that way. I can't really comment on depression issues... but as far as anxiety, it is a real problem. Someone on an earlier post said for teenagers the idea of being medicated for depression was "baloney" and to SOME extent I agree because ALL teenagers are at a rough time and all teenagers think highschool is difficult and it's just something to go through, not something that needs medicating. As a teacher, it was especially hard hearing about children who are on medicine when it's just their personality... they're just shy! But if you are an ADULT who has their life pretty much together and STILL have anxiety with physical symptoms like chest pain then YES it is real. I have chest pains and racing heart. My heart beats at around 95 even just sitting around. I'm in the process of going to docs to make sure my heart itself is ok. It if is.. then they said they could prescribe me Xanax if I wanted it. I do NOT want to become a zombie but lately I have been feeling like I am nearing the end of my life. I'm scaring my husband. If it is just anxiety and I'm really ok, then I would think Xanax would be a healthier alternative than talking doom and gloom all the time like I am. xoxo serenity now! 🙂