Competition woes, needing some encouragement

ptkells3642 started this discussion · 3/18/2018

Hi everyone, I signed up to do a pole competition that is now 3 weeks away. I have 95% of my routine down, the pole passes are fine, tricks are strong, etc. For some reason, though, I have developed a mental block of sorts where I just do NOT want to go to practices anymore. We do group practice and training every Sunday where we watch one another perform. I'm quite shy, if not a bit socially awkward in group settings, so I feel often like the odd one out and I don't talk to anyone and no one really talks to me. We are all supportive of one another when we are performing, but I don't know - given my shyness and the fact that my routine and music are very different than everyone else's, I just feel like an idiot when I'm there. The actual performance on a stage is less worrisome for me than these silly competition practices with my peers. What to do?! Way too much time and money have been spent on this competition that I absolutely want to go through with it, but I'm also getting so nervous with this mental block happening 3 weeks before the event!

12 replies

grayeyes · 3/19/2018
Well I've never competed so I'm probably not the best person to answer but I have all the same characteristics as you--shy, introverted, socially awkward. Do you have to attend these practices? I would feel exactly the same as you, I believe, if I was competing. Looking at your profile I see you have performed on stage musically so being on stage is probably not a huge deal for you so I don't understand why you would have to be part of these practices. I don't really fit in when I go to the studio either especially at the beginning of class when everyone else is very chatty and giggly and sharing stories and I'm standing there thinking, let's focus and get on with this. I paid for class not social hour--I know, not cool but that's what I'm thinking every time. I tend to chill out as the class goes on but I'm at least something of an oddball at the studio too. Doesn't help that I'm pushing 50 and everyone else is a good bit younger so I imagine they don't know what to make of me for a lot of reasons. If you're only three weeks out I suppose you only have a few more of these practices to get through. If they are required, perhaps you can buy yourself a week off with some "other commitment" you have at that time that you simply can't miss. Maybe even that would give you a little mental break to get away from it. Good luck with the comp--let us know how it goes.
ptkells3642 · 3/19/2018
Thank you, grayeyes, for your thoughtful response! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling like a misfit at the studio. I technically don't HAVE to attend the practices, but it is part of a competition team I signed up for, and paid for, back in December. I have definitely grown as a poler because of the performing and coach feeeback and extra practice time, so it hasn't been a total bust, but I feel like I can't bear to be awkward and shy at these things even one more time. I skipped the past 2 sessions for this reason. It's embarrassing! The performing itself isn't so bad, but I don't know...considering quitting this whole thing and going back to being a one-trick pony in my living room, haha.
Colleen · 3/20/2018
I can relate to both of you ladies. I'm 55; most of the women in my pole classes are significantly younger than me. I'm also the kind of person who wants to get on with it. I can chatter and be friendly, but when I come to class, I'm ready to get on with it. That's just my Type-A personality. ~~~ I've been on stage before, and I'm currently practicing for an upcoming competition. Ptkells3642, if I were you, I would skip those practice sessions. It doesn't matter that they are part of the money that you paid. You deserve to nurture your mind and spirit, not just your body. Good luck with everything!
ptkells3642 · 3/20/2018
Ooh, Colleen, you're also training for a competition? Let us know how it goes, and thank you so much for your response :-)
Colleen · 3/21/2018
Thanks! I will!
RoMo · 3/22/2018
Hey ptkells3642! First of all, best of luck in your competition. Second, don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. Pole should be fun and should energize you, not drain you. The sunk cost fallacy says that people are likely to keep investing in something when they've started because they don't want to lose the money they've already put into something. Your time - Sunday mornings - are no less valuable than the money you've already paid, if not more. Keep practicing in a way that helps you. And compete! Do it for yourself. Just getting on stage is hard. I've competed several times and each time it felt wonderful. I'm curvy and awkward and I don't have flow for the life of me, but (after all the nerves and fear!) I enjoy getting on stage and I bask in the feedback I get. I usually go for artistic/happy songs. I smile at the audience and I love hearing from people how they saw how much I enjoyed performing. There are tons of women who dance much better than I do, but most of them don't have the courage to get on stage. Best of luck and have fun!
ptkells3642 · 3/23/2018
Thank you for your response, RoMo! And you're right - pole should be enjoyable and NOT draining (well, physically draining sometimes but that's just the nature of the beast)! I had a good practice today; I was the only one there with one of the coaches and she told me that I am not the first person to talk to her about possibly quitting this, and that I won't be the last. So far, I'm staying in the game! It's only two weeks away at this point and while it's scary, it will feel like an accomplishment, for sure! It's great to hear that you enjoy performing, as well!
ptkells3642 · 3/27/2018
So, I decided to drop out of the competition. I had a good practice session last week, and a ho-hum one last night. After all the wavering over the decision and stress that was equally divided between actually MAKING the decision and the practice schedule itself. I made lots of personal gains as far as endurance and learning long combos on both static and spin pole, so all was not lost!
Colleen · 3/28/2018
Actually, I'm sorry to hear you dropped out. The only way to cross that bridge is to just cross it. That said, I'm glad you made personal gains. Maybe you'll compete in the future.
ptkells3642 · 3/28/2018
Hate that I feel the need to defend myself on a “supportive” thread. I'm crossing a couple other bridges right now: moving to a new place in a new city and leaving my job of 8 years all within the next week. These weren't foreseen when I started the comp training, so sometimes one bridge need not be crossed.
Colleen · 3/28/2018
I've responded to you earlier in this thread, and I was anything but unsupportive. I'm not unsupportive. I'm an honest person, and I was encouraging you to try again in the future. I'm sorry you took my honesty the wrong way.
davidlynchmeetsxpole · 3/30/2018
Hey hey! I've been in exactly the same spot. It was so awkward and uncomfortable. But it only happens because it's your first time in such setting. The more you do the comp team thing... the more you are forced to run your piece rain or shine in front of your peers.. the more you are running your piece at open poles with the bunch of strangers...then the magic thing happens! You stop caring. Like at all. And you start only focusing on yourself. Everything else becomes irrelevant. So the key thing for me was to keep doing it despite feeling VERY uncomfortable and reluctant. Treat it like a pesky item on your daily todo list, like say, filing taxes. I hate filing taxes but it needs to be done, I mean, Uncle Sam doesn't take 'Im kinda not feeling it today' excuses. Lol. Eventually you'll stop caring at all and just go and do it, do some little formal exchanges with your peers, then go on with your day, no stress. Hope that helps! Just keep at it and don't give it much thought!