stilett05 started this discussion ·
My bf of 5 yrs who I live with does not like poledancing in general, or watching me do it at home 🙁 I was just wondering if anyone else has a spouse or bf/gf who doesn't like it either. I find it really odd and it bothers me a lot since it's been my favorite thing for almost a year now. He does appreciate that I'm in better physical shape because of it. Hmmm…
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Rubi ·
I wouldn't sweat it. In this case, I think it's the same as any other hobby someone might have (knitting, jogging, painting, etc). Just like someone's significant other might not be interested in knitting, he may not be that interesting in pole dancing. As long as he isn't trying to stop you from doing it then I'd just keep on doing what you do. 🙂
I think for some men it's like we are taking their fantasy away when we start pole dancing...don't get me wrong I think most guys would love to have a gf or wife that pole dances...but say for the guy who likes to occasionally go to the strip club (because he thinks he is being bad) to watch lovelies dancing around a pole, having a pole at home may lessen the "naughty" aspect. Does he not like strip clubs either? What part dosen't he like? the sexiness??
As long as he doesn't make you feel bad for doing what makes you feel happy, I would say ignore it. When he starts putting you down or making you feel like what you are doing is wrong or shameful, get rid of his ass. If pole dancing makes you feel happy and good about yourself and stay in better shape, KEEP DOING IT!! My bf doesn't like strip clubs and is fine with me pole dancing so long as I don't go to a strip club and get on stage and strip for others. Forget all the nay sayers, they are just haters and will be your biggest fans LOL. 🙄
I think Will is a bit torn on the issue w/me dancing. On one hand, he enjoys the fact I can do these moves and have a sense of empowerment. On top of having better self esteem. Will also likes to brag that hes married to me, hes plugged my YT site a few times. But then again, hes worried I may run off and become a stripper and show everyone my cash and prizes. He knows as of right now being a stripper isnt a career, but pole dancing could be. We have lots of discussions about music, moves, costumes, performances etc. I would find out the method behind the madness. Sometimes theres an underlying issue that hes afraid of bringing up.
I agree with everyone else. And.... maybe he feels threatened by your confidence and skills? Maybe he doesn't understand your reason for doing it and he's worried he might somehow lose you if you were to go public with it? I think jealousy and a lack of self-confidence play a big role in a lack of support a lot of the time (not just in poling!) 🙄 I think if you were to start by making him feel extra secure in your relationship and let him know more often that he is a catch, you could slowly start to include him by asking for input and advice. Maybe you could get him to spot you for a new move and then let him know how much you appreciate him being there for you. Poling does NOT = skanky. Just because you love to dance doesn't mean you're going to start sleeping around.
My BF doesn't really care for my pole-dancing either. I think he liked the idea before I bought a pole, but as soon as he realized that it was more for exercise and fitness, and not for seducing him, he lost all interest! Now, I can barely get him to spot me when I practice new moves, or even watch me when I want to show him a new skill. But, that's what the forums and YT are great for! I have my pole buddies to talk to about it. Likewise, he has his own hobbies that I don't really care about, and he has buddies to share those with. It's okay to have different hobbies and interests from each other, as long we are both respectful of each other.
I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who's man isn't into their pole dancing!!!! At first I thought he wasn't into it cause I was terrible, huffing and puffing and falling on the floor from exhaustion isn't really sexy so I just figured that was the issue, but now I'm getting moves like the scorpio and gemini and when I'm excited to show him a new move he acts so much like he doesn't care. His brother stayed with us for a while and my husband got upset when I wanted to show a girlfriend some moves because he said it made his brother uncomfortable, but when I questioned his brother later he said he thought it was so cool and he was telling his friends at the gym he worked at about how cool the athetic side of pole dancing is. I wish my husband would be more enthusiastic about my progress but every time I pole dance he acts annoyed! He started playing the guitar and drums and he is so good, and I always encourage him and boast about him to people but he doesn't when I found something I love. I feel so frustrated because I spent so much time just doing everything for our family and I finally have something I love that I can do for me and he gets angry when I show people. I wonder if it is because he is jealous. I'm gonna try what 2dyzzi said and make him feel more secure, and ask for his help with spotting, i really want to get the CAR but I'm afraid of falling back and landing on my head, lol. Good luck with ur BF and I'm glad I'm not alone!!
I see a big difference (and I'm sure others do, too) between BF not being interested b/c it's a form of exercise vs being threatened by it. I know this is a generalization, but for BF/Husbands that feel threatened by the pole, I would take that as a pretty clear indicaiton of who he is as a person, at his core - and it most certainly translates into other areas of life - it's all a matter of how you want to live your life and comes down to a simple question of "is he worth it?" I could not imagine being in a relationship like that; I would hate walking on eggshells and having it be my "job" to make him feel comfortable. I went through my fair share of that and the stress can shorten your life! Luckily (though it's not all luck)I found a partner that is proud of me for who I am and encourages me to be who I am. Life is tough enough without having to worry about jealousy/insecurity.
My hubby isn't thrilled about me poling either because of what its associated it. I get excited when I learn something new and want to share, but I can tell he really doesn't care. We basically have just agreed to disagree about it.
My boyfriend and I live together. My pole is brazenly in the living room. He doesn't like that I put 'half naked' photos and videos of myself on the internet (I wear bra and undies, sports bra and bike shorts or hot pants over that, and then a spaghetti string top over all of that...hardly half naked). He 'jokes' that I am 'his' and he doesn't want to share. He doesn't stop me or make me feel bad about it, so it's cute to me as long as it's still half joking. He also doesn't get when I try to make myself look different to go out (with clothes or makeup) when I look good to him already. We have completely different diets and activity levels too. So, he doesn't like it if I have to consciously change things about and around myself to do pole dancing. I think to explain: he prefers me natural, especially as it's easier and more comfortable for me that way and I get stressed sometimes picking outfits and doing my makeup when it isn't perfect. His gentle objection does fit in with the values he knows I normally have that natural, for me, is best. I envy fake tanners, doll facers and girls with the perfect hair and will sometimes try, but it's not for me... my body refuses: one of the main reasons I haven't stripped for money. He might also feel a little left behind when I go to classes and make pole friends and he doesn't want to, can't or won't, join me in being healthier, more active and more social. For the most part, my boyfriend isn't too interested in pole dancing itself. That's cool with me because I'm not entirely interested in PC games, physics, engineering, geek forums etc.. He regrets the bruising and sore muscles I can get, but he's not against me poling at home or in class because it makes me happy. I support his hobbies as they make him happy, and he supports mine as they make me happy. He loves spin mode and trying to spin me fast when I'm in a hold, for some reason. (He's in one of my vids, actually spinning me in the pretzel, while my brother is shooting a nerf gun... boys 🙄 ). We'll have to readjust if I get to performance and teaching level, perhaps. I think he'll have to work through his feelings and thoughts a fair bit with me before I can officially start that (aka. go to instructor training or perform my first routine in a public place). I'm getting pretty pole addicted, so I just have to make sure I still have time to do the things we love together between me working and poling and his studies.
Mine doesn't care either. He doesn't understand what I'm trying to do when I actually do it so he's not impressed because he's not sure if I meant to do it or not. The whole thing bores him and he makes fun of me grunting when I straddle and the sounds the pole makes. He's not intimidated by it, he just would rather see what's on TV. He isn't impressed when girls do it at clubs either- he just cares about whether he sees tits or not. And he thinks I spend too much money on pole stuff.
Mines not fussed either. He loves that he can tell his friends that his girlfriend pole dances, but at home he doesn't bat an eyelid. Just like others are saying, he was all excited until he realised it wasn't all about me being sexy for him. However he does respect and support my love of it, and he is supporting my desire to eventually become an instructor so i'm lucky in that respect. However he did get stressed the other day because he went to a strip club and found himself analysing the pole dancers performances..... so I've ruined that fantasy for him! hahaha!
when i first got my pole my boyfriend hated it! he has warmed up to the idea since then & now he doesn't care about the pole dancing. he doesn't like that i post pics & he would shit his pants if he thought i ever had posted videos, lol! hopefully your man will come around too!
At first my hubby was kind of freaked out by it because he didn't get it - I still don't think that he totally gets it, but he's figured out that I'm not going to use my skills to try to hook a new man and knows that I do it mainly for fun and exercise. I have to admit that I was really glad a few months ago when his parents were coming over to hang curtains and I offered to take it down, and he told me not to, that he was proud that I had found a hobby that I loved. That definitely was not the way he started off, so I think it can get better with time.
My bf of 5 yrs who I live with does not like poledancing in general, or watching me do it at home 🙁 I'm wondering why or what exactly he doesn't like about it? I don't care for baseball because it's boring to watch, but wouldn't mind at all if my boyfriend played it. It sounds like there is something else behind it. I don't mean to brag or rub it in, but rather show how it can be a positive in a relationship. My boyfriend is very supportive of my pole dancing, and I actually dance at a bikini club! (Although, he doesn't like the lap dancing part, but he doesn't make it a problem...at my club they are very G-rated, and I'm not much for "hustling".) The fact that he doesn't judge me for what I do, and supports my interests is what I love about him! I have a 9 to 5 career as a graphic designer and don't even have to dance at a club, but I do it for the excitement of pole dancing on stage and I love the people! It's not the typical "strip club", it's more like "Cheers" for Hollywood locals. Anyhow, back to the subject, pole dancing is something my boyfriend and I actually enjoy together! I joke to him how lucky he is that his gf "drags" him to the strip club! We frequently go to another local bikini club because I LOVE to watch the dancers (Jumbo's Clown Room -- some of L.A.'s most talented pole dancers work there!), and of course it's fun for him. He's also taking me to the Pole Show at Bespun in L.A. this Saturday. His only concern w/ me pole dancing is safety -- he convinced me to get Veena's lessons so I can learn properly to avoid injuries. I hope my rambling about my situation helps in some way, or even the way you look at it. Bottom line is that pole dancing builds self-confidence, is great exercise which increases mental and physical health, and is fun! Making yourself happy is necessary for any healthy relationship, and you obviously care about your boyfriend's feelings. He's lucky to have you, and I have a feeling things will work out fine! 😉
my hubby was all for it if i want to stay in shape and being healthy, when i first introduce pole dancing to him, he was a little withdrawn. after a year of having the pole at home and seeing my changes, he's ok with it and even encouraged me to get on a pole to show it off at a bar on an island last year. but i always have a stage fright and i also know that the pole must be real slippery since i watched many people attempted to climb but most did not get there halfway. guess what, i said to him, ' why don't you get on it yourself? ' and he did, TWICE! i think the hubby/boyfriend should get a chance to try it to see it is not just about sexy but it takes guts and strength to do this and to do it well. ok, once he had a fit about it, i don't even remember how it came about 🙄 but he said my aspiration to become a stripper is lame. i laughted then asked him these questions: what are you afraid of for having a very strong,confident beautiful and sexy woman for a wife? why should i feel ashame that i can do wonderful things on that pole? then i told him i am very proud of it and i love my body that is why i am treating it very well. he never put me down about it eversince. i read somewhere that sometimes men feels threaten by other things that theire women have interests in. it can be your hobby, your other activity that takes you away from him. but this is good because this is what keep them want you and value your time with him since he knows that you have a life beside of him too. sorry for the long rambling...hope i contribute something here 😛
i think maybe he feels a little threatened by it sometimes and other times i think he thinks its trashy. i've never asked why he doesn't like to watch me so that's my own fault. he doesn't like strippers or strip clubs. and he doesn't find outright sexiness sexy...he prefers more subtlety. he likes to tell other people i pole dance & he seems proud saying it, but will have nothing to do with it other than occasionally picking me up from the studio after class.
stillet05, my hubby is quite similar to your boyfriend, about what he thinks(or maybe wants me to think) that he doesn't like strip club or other sexy sweet things for men. i think men are still men, i don't mind him going to the club if he wants to go have fun with his best friend who seems to like going, AS LONG AS he keeps his fingers off the candies! but i feel that your bf must be quite proud of you to be doing some really gutsy workout(really, it takes guts to be on it and you know it too) maybe you can find a good time to speak with him about this? i have seen some trashy ones and those are (most of the time) meant to have that look, but then there are SO SO many classy and artful pole dancers out there that perhaps you can pull some up from youtube to show him that pole dancing is not always all about sexyness? just an idea 💡
Great thread 🙂 My bf just doesn't get it, but then that might have something to do with me cursing, swearing and getting red-faced when tricks don't work out or when I get bruises 🙂 Once he realized it was all going to be about fitness and sort of gymnastics he quickly turned back to the PS3.
From a male perspective: I think women often tend to read too much into why their significant others aren't as enthused about pole dancing as they are. Unless you are dressing up specifically for your man and planning some special evening involving whip cream and strawberries that will end in making him feel like he is king of the world, pole dancing is just exercise and fun for YOU. You wouldn't sit and stare at your mate lift weights and run on a treadmill every single day so why would you expect him to do that to you? How excited would you be if one day your husband/bf said, "Today I bench pressed 200lbs!", then the next week he says, "Today I bench pressed 205lbs!", then the next week he says, "Today I bench pressed 210lbs!" You would say, "Good for you honey" and move on. You wouldn't throw a party. Eventually, you would stop caring how many pounds your signif benches. Not that you would resent it, be jealous, harsh, or stop caring about your signif other. Deep down you are happy that your loved one is happy and successful in the hobby and endeavor they are pursuing but the actual details about that endeavor become trivial after a while. Just because you don't care to know how many lbs they can lift or don't want to stare at them the whole time they are exercising, doesn't mean you don't still love them. Especially if you live together and see them working out all the time. I just think sometimes our ego causes us to tend to read too much into things and over analyze situations when we don't really need to. That is why we have a loving pole family to encourage and support us. We always get exciting when we see others learning moves for the first time because we all relate to each other. We all have the same struggles. We shouldn't expect non-poling people to relate to us the same way we do to each other. They don't know our struggles and don't understand the issues we have. We need to stop caring so much about what other people think about our hobbies and just enjoy spinning and climbing to our fullest potential. Just remember to occasionally dress up and do a special performance for your special person in your life to show that you love them and are thinking of them. 👍 J.C. 🐱
