apprently poling is wrong.

myflossybear started this discussion · 8/21/2012

I was talking to someone the other day and i mentioned that im learning pole dancing. This person then immediatly turned round and called me a skank. I explained i do it for fitness and it helps to build strength and flexibility. She then assumed i had been brainwashed and then continued to insult me just because she had poling in her head as something sexual and i only do it to get guys. I am asking has anyone else had people like this who think badof you just because you pole? And how do you deal with it?

31 replies

chemgoddess1 · 8/21/2012
I don't want to sound rude but there have been so many discussions regarding this. Basically it comes down to...there will be a point in time where you don't care what others think. People are going to be ignorant and rude and condescending. You don't have to justify your love of a sport to someone who is close minded....it is their issue not yours. I suggest reading these 4 blogs: https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Step_4_12_Step_Program_For_Pole_Addicts_20120702101708 https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Step_5_When_WRONG_Feels_So_Right_an_open_letter_to_God_20120709105447 https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Step_8_Coming_Out_As_A_Pole_Addict_20120730123454 https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Step_9Defending_Ourselves_Against_AntiPolers_20120806121446
muroo · 8/21/2012
if it's someone worth caring the opinion about (a good friend or something, who would be open minded if given the chance) I just show them a favorite video or two. :-) I tend to go with the popular Jenyne Butterfly one to Dogs Days Are Over since the lighting is bright, she's just wearing some plain ol' black fitness stuff and you can see the muscles at work. it's changed the minds of many of my friends. =P I hope it's not a bad thing (call this a confession of a former skeptic), but I'm sure I did a double take the first time I heard someone who pole danced for fitness. I was a quick believer since I knew this person through an athletic context first and admired her. she was also very open about her new passion and posted awesome pictures all over facebook. If I had instead heard of it first all the celebrities doing it (as in, people I don't...necessarily respect to begin with...who also may or may not do crazy diets) or maybe just heard it in passing about someone else I might've dismissed it too. as a gut reaction. internally. but that doesn't really give anyone the right to insult you right then and there. so like chem says, you just gotta learn how to ignore it. :-) some people are just not worth it. it's just like any other kind of prejudice or stigma...whether things you can't choose like sexuality or race (I can't choose what I love, and I love pole dancing!), or things you do kind of choose like becoming a housewife/pursuing your career or being vegetarian (I choose pole fitness for exercise because of the efficient workout) ... get rid of the energy vampires and haters from your life! no need to have to justify it to anyone. maybe to yourself, but hopefully that's not too elaborate. :-) the blog posts linked here are great, btw. I'm just pretty caffeinated still and felt like sharing a bit. :-) in case you haven't stumbled across other posts of mine and witnessed this already...
Piaketz · 8/21/2012
I've had a "friend" try to get an entire house party to convince me to stop doing pole because she thought it was just so disgusting. She had been trying to tell me how disgusting I was for the longest time and I just ignored her, but it did quite take me by surprise when she tried to get ALL my friends to convince me, like an intervention or something. The worst part of it was that she chose to do it during MY surprise birthday party, right after everyone sang happy birthday to me! Ah what an idiot!!! I found her so ridiculous. I ended up just asking everyone in the room who was hotter, her or me? Of course they all said me, it was my birthday after all! So I told her "Well there you have it, the proof is in the pudding! I'm going to keep on pole dancing!" Haha! It just reaffirmed to me that not everyone thinks like her and I should just keep doing what I like to do. Though I defriended that miserable woman in real life... I slowly cut ties with her. I don't like people who are so judgemental or close-minded in general, so I am glad that I found out that she was that kind of person rather than invest any more of my friendship on her. Don't let that negative person in your life get you down either 😉 Take it in stride, you will meet other people like her, but you know you are doing nothing immoral and not harming anyone, so you don't need to explain anything to anyone. I rarely bother nowadays. With close-minded people, you just wont win, so I find it's better just to keep these people out of our lives. Sometimes when I can't help it I tell them stuff like "Well then I guess we skanks just have more fun. More fun than you. Not to mention we all have tighter tummies and hotter asses..." Haha it really gets their panties in a bunch when you're totally unapologetic about being a pole dancer. As said by previous posters, the previous blog posts on this topic are great and going through them might make you feel less alone on this issue. But please don't feel bad about posting what others find to be an old topic... We all experience pole haters at different times, and it's a little more shocking and upsetting when you are just starting off at pole and had no clue that some people could be so vicious towards pole. I just want to share with you my experience today, just so that you know there's another live person right now who is out there who feels for you as I've gone through the same before. 🌸
JeHanne · 8/21/2012
I've had a few negative reactions here or there but I won't own other people's issues. Big ole so what if someone doesn't like it or understand my reasons. Gaining acceptance of every person in the world is not on my to do list. I don't justify my reasons or passion. There is nothing wrong with poling regardless of the style. If people want to rock out in a thong and 7 inch platforms... go for it! If they want to do so barefoot in a sundress... that's great too! My most insulting comment was I am "too smart to do (pause) ... 'that'". That comment still makes me laugh. I told them that I am intelligent and I also love to pole and they should try it sometime. You will find a very supportive community of pole lovers here. Have fun with it and let those haters show themselves out of your life.
myflossybear · 8/21/2012
Thankyou. Those blogs are very good indeed. I know not everybody likes or will like pole and there will be haters. But it was just the way she completely changed her character. We were having a very good conversation until the point i mentioned pole. I know im not harming anyone. Pole works as my stress relief. I will always enjoy doing it and im glad to be part of this supportive community. For all those that hate us theres people here to support us too. I just hope in future people wont judge us for choosing to do it.
senrysa · 8/22/2012
try being in your late 50's and explaining... it gets interesting....lol in some cases when I'm asked how my hubby of 27 years feels about it... I say he's actually quite happy to have a little extra treat in his marriage and why would he need to go to the clubs when he has me at home. Well women my age tend to do one of three things...walk off calling me a name.❗...try to explain they would never allow their husbands to go to those clubs...😮uhhhh yeah right lady....and a few like my physical therapist wanted to know where I got my pole - took lessons and about SV online. Funny she looked the happiest of all the women. 🦇
JeHanne · 8/22/2012
I've had a few people like Senrysa get excited and actually want to take some classes and buy some platform heels. That is my favorite reaction of them all... joy/curiosity/enthusiasm. :)
Danielle Tillie · 8/22/2012
Haters gonna hate... they are missing out of all the fun. I don't mention pole right away to a new aquaintance, but if I feel like they might be friend material then I'll spit it out and gauge their reaction. If it's positive, then I've gained a new friend. If it's hesitant then I'll go into explanations and see what happens. If it's negative and clearly closed minded, then I shall avoid that person like the plague. They don't get the privelege of me. ;)
Hazelnut · 8/23/2012
the most interesting reaction I have had is from a really good friend who STILL, after like a year of me poling, says things like "Oh, I know YOU do it for fitness. But really, like, all the others are just a bit skanky. Not you." I'm like, er.... I do the sexy stuff for me, the fitness stuff for me, and don't really differentiate between the two, and most people are the same... thanks I know you mean well, but actually you're still insulting me and my friends with that phrase! Just gotta have faith in yourself and keep up the pole work despite these people! :)
minicoopergrl · 8/23/2012
No matter what, people are going to hate. As a pole dancer you have to have tough skin to just deal with it. You also learn to pick your battles, I know we want to defend pole so much but sometimes you just gotta let the fight die. Trust me, ive done enough correcting saying its a pole not a stripper pole. Strippers cost extra! Yeah, I may do it for fitness and sexy stuff. But Ill be looking sexy b/c of the the fitness side of it!!
Trixie Kicks · 8/23/2012
I think some people wish they could loose their inhibitions and try something new and "taboo," but they can't/won't, so it's easier to put down those who do.
Empty · 8/23/2012
I have experienced both love and hate reations since I started pole. My mother is accepting of it but always fears that its the gateway to stripping. She always thinks my teacher is trying to pimp me into it. My father flat out hates that i do it, never want to hear about it and thinks its stripper training. So I don't bring any of it up when I visit. My hubby's side is the opposite. His mom thinks its awesome and always asks me about my class. His dad is oblivious to it and his brother thinks its cool. I have friends who want to do it one day & admire that I do it. Then I have friends who think I'm a flat out heathen hooker. Guess who I hang out with more? To sum it up, It shows you who loves & trusts you for you and who's not worth your time. I pick my battles and only bring my passion up to those who i know are open minded. Others, i just say fitness classes and stop there. Not like there going to change my mind anyway! I will share my favorite saying that I absolutely love: "People would enjoy pole more if they pulled it out of their ass and swung on it." 😉
Account Unavailable · 8/23/2012
I was having a private discussion with a coworker on my lunch break at the grocery store I work at. We were talking about pole because she was interested in starting up on it too. I filled her in on the studio that I go to and how its helped me better myself. A customer that decided to listen in on our convo then went to my manager and said "I don't appriciate that you let whores handle your costumer's food. You shouldn't hire sluts, who knows what she does with those hands. I would never allow someone who works at One The Border handle what my children are going to eat." My manager asked me about it and I explained I don't strip, I don't work at a club, and I'm into other fitness dance like zumba, lyra, and silks. It strictly fitness and I was speaking on my lunch break. My manager didn't listen to one thing I said and has since informed me that I'm no longer allowed to continue pole dance. If he hears about it again at work from anyone I will be fired. I've been working there for 4 years and it is the only job I have ever had. I've never taken vacation, a sick day, I've never been late, and I've never called in once. Everytime I'm at work I feel violated. I'm not aloud to talk about my hobbies or interests. And then for them to tell me I'm not aloud to dance at all is ridiculous. They can't tell me what I can and cannot do when I'm not at work. Now my coworkers think I live this dual life and that I'm a whore. They make jokes and harrass me all the time. Someone had even broken into my locker and filled it with condoms and handsanitizer with a nasty note. I still dance but I keep it a secret to all the new people I meet in my life. As for my family they don't support it at all and also think negatively of me. The only people that support me to continue is my boyfriend and my friends.
megan12 · 8/23/2012
Becca, that sounds so awful! I really dislike uneducated people who assume things. I can't believe someone would go so far as to throw around words like 'slut' and 'whore'. That's incredibly offensive. Your manager has no business telling you what you can do at home. It's disturbing that co-workers would basically join in the bullying. Honestly, I'd keep photos of this stuff. If they try and fire you, get a lawyer. I'd look for another job too. It sucks but seems like you're in a toxic situation.
Dancing Paws · 8/23/2012
I think you would be wise to put in a harassment complaint with the high ups.
chemgoddess1 · 8/23/2012
Seriously, this is called a hostile work environment and is punishable by law. You need to talk to the HR department and if they do not do anything about it, you need to contact a lawyer. An employer CANNOT tell you what you can and cannot do when you are not on company time nor can they threaten your job. On top of this, they should never allow such childish behavior to happen in the first place. I wish that you would post so that we could all send letters to your company but I have a feeling that may do more harm than good. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostile_work_environment
en.wikipedia.orgHostile work environment - Wikipedia
PinkPhoenix · 8/23/2012
People are going to always judge people for doing this and to them I say, whatever. They are intimidated and uneducated and I don't waste my time even explaining it. We know why we are doing it and it has nothing to do with sex, so she can take her high and mighty behind somewhere else. You do you girl and don't worry about it. 🥂
Piaketz · 8/23/2012
BeccaL, that's just horrible! I can't believe these people!!! I'm so sorry that this is happening to you... I hope you find another, better job and get out of there soon or find legal help to end all the harrassment. What they're doing to you is just so wrong on so many levels. 🙁
JeHanne · 8/23/2012
BeccaL, this behavior is completely inappropriate and looks like a textbook example of harassment. File an incident with your HR department immediately. Also document these incidents. I have never heard of a grocery chain mandating that an employee is unable to take recreational dance classes. This is something you are doing on your personal time and it is not an employment situtation. Some employers mandate or prohibit additional employment or require you declare conflicts of interests etc. That behavior has totally crossed the line. Like Mikalis12 indicated, take photographs to document any other visible harassment. I am very sorry you are facing this type of discrimination, please take care of yourself and I hope it all works out for the best. Even if that means a better employer is a result. Regarding the customer... she is clearly an idiot.
Anonyma · 8/23/2012
who cares what people think, pole is good for health and confidence and much more, tell them to mind their own business and to stick to their boring yoga lol
PinkPhoenix · 8/24/2012
And another thing, they have to show you proof in their handbooks and policy where they say that you can't do that. Uhm I'm former military and they can't stop you from doing that you just can't wear your uniform and let peple know that you serve in the military. Let me tell you the military is all about the policies and what you can and can not do. They can not threaten your job over taking classes, its not like you are actting inappropriate at work. I would look for another job, but I would definitely bring this to light with your HR and document, document, document!!! I don't think that that these people are aware that they can be sued for defamation of charecter and slander. Make sure you let HR know this because suits like that can make the news and put the company under a bad light. It's also sexual harrassment too. I'm so sorry that you have little support, but you have your boyfreind, your friends and all of us here at SV.
PersianXcursian · 8/25/2012
Becca, that is terrible that your boss said that to you! He/she can't get away with that. You are participating in a perfectly legal and healthy activity outside of work and they have no right to control you. I'd find another job and when its your last day, go tell your boss he can eff himself for being ignorant and rude. You could also threaten to sue for the way they treated you and give him a good scare
jade s · 8/25/2012
It's funny...I've found that the way people react to the fact that I pole really tells me a lot about their character and the type of person they are. It's sort of the perfect gauge for whether or not I want them in my life. There is no reason to be anything less than proud of what we do.
senrysa · 9/3/2012
I normally say brush off what people say but in this case when it comes to YOUR job...no way I would stand for that. Their are like azillion attorneys that would love to jump on this not to mention EOEC and trust me generally they don't mess around with that stuff. You cannot fire someone or threaten to fire someone or coerce them into something. That is flat out illegal. Obviously this guy does not know what kind of liabilty he has put this corporation in. I would by pass the little people and send a letter to the head of the company or their legal department explaing that one of their managers is currently discriminatting agaisnt the company's employees. Corporations do not take kindly to be put in legal jepordy. I mean its no different than saying I found out you are a baptist and if you don't stop going to that church you are fired. Fro some reason ignorant people seem to compute pole fitnes or dancing or whatever you want to call as the person doing it being stupid, of low ,oral terpitude, and of all things unsanitary....RELLY?????? Sounds like he is the idiot here and not too smart in the managerial department either for doing something so ridiculous. Again when it comes to your job, education, where you live, ect people cannot pick and choose who they want to dicriminate against because of their personal beliefs. Just like you can't fire someone because of their age, color, whether they are a parent or not and host of other things. Now if you were dancing on the tables maybe...lol As for the woman customer just magine if she saw what they did to her kids food at a fast food resturant....
SadiraSimone · 9/3/2012
I ran across this blog post recently that I thought had some great advice on this topic, and I just wanted to share.: http://polestory.blogspot.com/2010/01/pole-dancers-guide-to-anti-poler-part-1.html
polestory.blogspot.comThe Pole Dancer's Guide to the Anti-Poler, Part 1 Ohhhh, you know who I’m talking about. The people who, when you tell them that you pole dance look at you and say anything from, “Why wo...

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