Anybody have tips or routines for beginners?

lazarenka started this discussion · 6/2/2015

I really want to do a full routine, and since my spins and so limited, I would like some good floorwork ideas. I am watching Alethea Austin's Floorwork DVD, but I feel like a flopping fish, COMPLETELY unsexy and inflexible. I just want something sexy for "a certain someone", but I want it to be sexy... Like, when I do wavy legs, I look like I am falling and trying desperately to get my foot on something!! This is a very general and wide-ranging question I know... But maybe there are some moves that don't require flexibility or strength I don't quite have yet, but I can still feel fluid and sexy. Alethea kinda scares me.

27 replies

poleisnewtome · 6/2/2015
Man, you are SO down on yourself. It seems you have a very distorted view of yourself compared to how others see you. Not saying this to be mean but to point out something you may not be aware of. Speaking of being sexy, I am definitely not the authority on it, but what I've observed from watching other people is the minute they try to "act" sexy, they look ridiculous. I think trying to lengthen your lines and fully committing to moves should be first and foremost, and then you will look instantly project sexiness without even trying.
VoodooIdol · 6/2/2015
I have that same dvd and it really comes down to practice and patience. If you take the bits and pieces you *can* do, and refine and do them to the best of your ability, i.e. saying ok, I can only get my leg this far, but I'm gonna keep my lines straight and point my toes etc you'll be surprised at what starts to come together. Getting better at anything is largely repetition. Veena has floorwork videos on here as well that you might find more to your liking. And don't limit yourself by assuming you can't do something just because you can't do it right now. I have almost all of Alethea's DVDs and she makes several comments throughout that it took her three years to attain her flexibility and eight months to get her bodywave. Nothing is instant, unfortunately :)
Runemist34 · 6/2/2015
Hey Lazarenka! I agree with Poleisnewtome: You seem to have a very distorted view of yourself! Being able to get ANY spins within your first month, safely and consistently, is a big feat. When I was first starting, I did spins and I definitely should not have- my injured shoulder is testament to that! But, the other things I learned are a lot of other moves, things that you don't necessarily need strength for, and things you don't necessarily need any big dance background or anything for, either. They help get you used to moving around the pole, get you used to moving as a dancer, instead of just being athletic, or in my case, instead of not moving at all! It's taken me a LONG time to learn about being sexy, and the research and learning continues all the time. I'm still finding out what it is that makes things sexy to me, things that I love to see, and how to make them happen for myself. Getting past the beautiful, strong body types that are commonly shown in Pole dancing videos is also a big issue for me (I have many wobbly bits that I'm still a little insecure of showing off, which is why I post videos so infrequently). So, what is sexy for one person is not sexy for another person. I really enjoy many Russian dancers for their flow and exotic nature: Eva Bembo is a big one for me! Some of her dances aren't quite my style, but many of them push all the right buttons. And, while she is ridiculously strong and crazy flexible, I still feel like some of the moves and much of her style is accessible. Alethea Austin is one of the big powerhouses of the Pole world. She has amazing DVD's and a great sense of herself, she's super strong, super flexible, and super sexy when she wants to be... BUT, did you know it took her a few YEARS to achieve the splits? Have you thought about how long she's been pole dancing in order to look as good as she is, and to do the moves that she does? These things take a long, long time. A great way to look at is this: Most kids, when they learn to write, find it boring, cumbersome, and often, a little stupid. Some hate it. It's a skill we all use as adults without thinking about it, whether we write by hand or on the computer, but when we first started out, it sucked! Some of us learn to take it further than others. For me, I found writing very difficult at first... but, then I started writing and reading stories. It's been over ten years of writing stories, and now I can say that I'm proud and comfortable with the work I do, of the stories I write. Sometimes I still struggle, I have a lot of "false starts" and issues, but... that's human! I wouldn't be where I am with my writing today, though, without more than ten years of practice, almost nonstop, practice practice. So, are you really going to look at yourself, and judge yourself against someone who eats, sleeps, and breathes Pole for YEARS next to your beginning? Beginnings can be fun, you can learn a lot and you can grow and become strong! But, is it really going to be fun if you're constantly pushing yourself, judging yourself, constantly looking at all the things you cannot do? Are you going to feel excited to touch your pole when all you get from your own self is "I suck because I can't..."? Sexiness, in it's essence, is confidence. If you are confident with your pole, you can slink, slide, and slow down your movements. You can let that special someone see you- you can show off for them in ways that you may not be able to normally. You can wear the sexy pole wear and the heels and get into your flow, turn it on, and feel the music. I guarantee that confidence will make your special someone more turned on than a very-well-executed split, or a perfectly done spin. Here's a good example of something EVERYONE, even the very beginners, can do with some practice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtwMQPKF0BM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6t_kqFIvVI Notice how they move slowly, how they allow people to look at them, to see what they look like, and to see that they are enjoying themselves. They touch their bodies. Much of the movement is simple, slow, and easy- nothing crazy. You can always substitute spins you can't do with spins you can do, and then work the floorwork into that. At some point this week, I'm really wanting to get on the pole and just dance. I'm tempted to make a video for you of all the moves I know that are beginner level: there are nearly 50 of them. I have them all written down on an Excel spreadsheet! If I do, I'll post it up here and bug you to look at it! (It's a busy week this week, so if I don't get to do it this week, definitely next week!!)
Marie Hale · 6/2/2015
When I first danced for my boyfriend, (in fact the only man who has ever seen me on a pole in 3 years of lessons) I was coming off two knee surgeries and was truly a beginner again. I was extremely nervous, and not confident at all, not strong, not really resembling myself at all at my peak skill level or strength. And I was certainly very far from flexible. But I knew I wanted to dance for this man. And so I did. I had no routine prepared, I picked a song that was short and slow (lol) and I just danced. I knew he loved my body. And so I loved it too in my movement. My advice would be to spend some time with yourself and the pole, or even just free dancing and moving near the pole, to music YOU think is sexy. Feel your body flow, slow waves, slow movements, get rhythmic with what you feel in your core. Be sexy with and for yourself, and then your movement will be organically sexy. You don't have to look a certain way. You don't have to put on a show. He already thinks you are sexy, and if all you did was walk around it, he would be crazy psyched and turned on by that. Good luck! Get out of your head and into your body. Get into YOU and stop comparing yourself. You are the only one that matters.
lazarenka · 6/2/2015
Thank you for the responses. I just need to not worry about whether I am being sexy enough and just dance. Thanks for the videos. I HAVE to stop comparing myself to people who have been at it for YEARS and get mad that I am not there yet. It's going to take a LONG time to get that to sink in my thick skull. I'm just nervous because he is a really hot doctor, whose exes were all jaw-dropping GORGEOUS... They were beautifully muscular and VERY confident. I don't even come CLOSE to measuring up to their body, and it doesn't help that I recently gained about 25-30 lbs. I have been working it off.. But I am still not to the point where I would want someone to see me without clothes on. And because I KNOW what body type he is USED to seeing without clothes on, I KNOW I don't measure up to those standards and I will be a huge letdown.. that's why I wanted to be COMPLETELY awesome on the pole to make up for it. But you know what.... I have copied down your advice, and I am going to internalize it, and if he doesn't like what he sees, then **** him. I am a catch! He would be LUCKY to be able to watch me READ A BOOK, much less DANCE for him! I just have to repeat that to myself... over and over.
Runemist34 · 6/2/2015
Hah, I love how you say "I have to stop comparing myself to people..." And then go on to talk about how this hot guy has dated so many women whom you consider to be more beautiful, more muscular, and more impressive than yourself! Ever since getting together with my boyfriend, I've struggled with his long list of previous girlfriends. My other two lovers- one of them my Ex-Husband -had zero previous lovers, so my current boyfriend is quite a bit of a difference. Some of the women he's been with I would consider more beautiful, smarter, more cunning... something better than me. And, I think he's ridiculously sexy! But, there's a reason these people are "ex-girlfriends"! If their physique was so important to him, he probably would have found ways of making this work. And, if you consider their beauty an expression of their selves, then... well, their selves and his self didn't really work out, did they? So, maybe he needs a woman who looks different, doesn't spend hours in the gym, perhaps didn't win the genetic jackpot (though, if I may say, you sure did in the face department! I haven't seen the rest of you much though ;) ) and act as if the world is made for them because of it. On the 25-30lbs gain... the scale will lie to you very soon! Pole dancing builds muscle a lot, and that muscle takes up a lot less space than any fat you may be carrying. Good example: I am the heaviest I've ever been (200lbs), and I'm also one of the smallest sizes I've ever been! The only time I was smaller than this is when I was actually, seriously starving (bad living situation). So, don't beat yourself up about some extra pounds, give yourself giant credit for building strength and doing things you love! Your body is an amazing thing. You'll get there :) It's a big step, and there's a lot of social conditioning to get through. Women are often "trained" to compare themselves to others, to judge other people as either better or worse than them, to worry about whether they look "good enough," often in relation to how a man would perceive them. The "conventional sexy" is something that works for some women, and not for others. If that's what we're looking for, then we might not be looking in the right places for OUR kind of sexy! This guy is looking, more than likely, to see YOU without clothes on, not anything else, or anything more. :)
flyingchiro · 6/2/2015
This brings up something that I have been thinking about a lot lately about the sexy part of pole. In a way, this art is oriented towards performance - we do it because it is exciting to be the object of desire. In a way, it goes with the dominant paradigm. The culture objectifies women. We have internalized this message. Do we look hot? The clothes, the heels. I jokingly say that these are cultural rites passed down to us by our stripper ancestors. There is a way that we dance that is oriented toward our own expression of our sexuality. Do we feel strong, sexy, sensual? Are we in the flow? For me, I am after the second one. If I am too aware of the male gaze aspect, I am too uptight (and self-critical) to be involved in what I feel and get stuck and self-conscious and inhibited. I am trying to identify which moves I find beautiful, and which feel like the "formula" for sexy dance but are inauthentic to myself. For example, crawling doesn't work for me, but hip circles really do. I am also a beginner, so I am working it out as I write. But I am thinking that you might want to wait to dance for this man, until you can feel your authentic and internal sense of beauty and your very own brand of sexy.
Tamarinda · 6/2/2015
Lazarenka. I like your "he should be happy watching me read a book, much less dance for him." The mantra I repeat often is, "the day I feel like a need a man and he doesn't need me is the day I loose." If he doesn't appreciate the time you take out to do something for him then send him on his way. He dates gorgeous women and you're gorgeous. I saw your video. He's seen what you look like with clothes and is pursuing you... he'll probably like you. We're meaner to our bodies then men are. Take him down a couple notches. Maybe he has student debt or something. Remind yourself that he is human and is not perfect nor can not have every facet of his life together and in no way better than you just because he's a doctor, his looks, or his dating history.
lazarenka · 6/3/2015
I just uploaded two more videos. I have a LOT of work to do before I can be very fluid and have more in my arsenal... but I CAN do a candlestick, as long as I don't move ANYTHING!!
Marie Hale · 6/3/2015
Watched your videos... You don't have anything to worry about from the outside perception- relax. Slow down. And I am giving you an assignment. You said in one of your comments "I blush at some of the compliments"... Look at your videos, and on every one, give YOURSELF three compliments. I don't care what they are. My legs were straight, I have an amazing body, I like my toenail polish color. Whatever. Just start giving yourself what you crave from others. Attention, care, and love.
Veena · 6/3/2015
You're doing well!! Don't be so hard on yourself. If you're looking for routines have you tried the lessons found here in the routines section? None of the mini routines require inverts and there are 30 of them.
poleisnewtome · 6/3/2015
Also, keep in mind that you could think someone is really hot but your friend may have a totally different opinion. Look at famous actors and actresses and models. Not everyone thinks Brad Pitt is hot. While a lot of men might think Kim Kardashian is gorgeous, there are many other men who are not attracted to her at all and might find someone like Emma Stone more their type. It's all subjective. I am sure you think your boyfriend is all that but I guarantee that there are other women who might not give him a second look.
lazarenka · 6/3/2015
Yes, I guess I DO allow myself to fall into the trap of "what is considered sexy, and what isn't." I went through a REALLY dry spell for a pretty long time, and NOBODY seemed interested in me. I obsessed about that, "Am I ugly? Why aren't men asking ME out? All my friends are dating and/or married. What is wrong with me?!" But, the mere fact that I am asking myself those questions reveal to me that I am not ready for a relationship, because I have to unconditionally think I am the bees knees and a deserving man just hasn't come along to recognize what an amazing person I am. @Veena- Yes, I started watching those videos last night. They seem awesome and I can't wait to watch them all. I DO have one question.... for some reason, my inside ankle doesn't wrap around the pole in order to do spins with one leg extended... like the "Extended Leg Spin", "Half Cradle", and even the "Fireman". I'm tired of banging my ankle bone. If it doesn't involve both of my legs above the knee on the pole, it's a colossal flub. What's wrong with the way I am approaching those spins? Also, V-leg ANYTHING is too hard for me... the Prance doesn't even work. Which I guess means I have a problem with having my bodyweight off the pole. Do you have any ideas about something I could be doing wrong, or is it just something I can't do right now?
Veena · 6/3/2015
I doubt you are doing something wrong,I would guess it's a matter of strength. How long have you been pole dancing and have you been working through the lessons here in order or have you done the 30 day take off program?
Cherry Blossom · 6/4/2015
Think it this way: he is soooooo lucky that you take time to do a sexy pole routine for him. How many guys would like to be at his place?...hundreds! Men are not like us. A woman in bikini + pole+ Sexy eye contact+high heels = super sexy even if it is not the perfect technical routine or the perfect body. They don't know anything about poling. you just need sexy attitude.
Tamarinda · 6/4/2015
I think you're doing good right now. You're base level of strength seems better than mine when I began. You're too hard on yourself. You're also doing spin which in my opinion is more difficult. PS. I used to work with a beautiful model who would always complain that guys didn't like her or "bark up her tree" as she described it. It happens to models too so don't be so hard on yourself.
lazarenka · 6/5/2015
@Veena- I am on day 7 of both the Flexy and the Take Off programs. I haven't actually TRIED any of the routines yet, but I have watched several of them. I think I just need to work on strength in my abs or something to control my spins where either one or neither of my legs are on the pole. I will get there! I ain't the quittin' type!
skramamme · 6/5/2015
"And because I KNOW what body type he is USED to seeing without clothes on, I KNOW I don't measure up to those standards and I will be a huge letdown.. " Personally? Don't do it. Seriously, it doesn't sound like you're into it at all, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean that in a "why put yourself in a situation that makes you unhappy and stressed" way. You are setting your expectations so low, you aren't going to feel good about yourself going into it feeling like this, so why push it? Wait until you have some more confidence and aren't so down on yourself. Pole dancing is about letting go in many ways and, unless you're dancing for work (which I assume you're not) it's something you should be doing for yourself and the enjoyment of it. I don't understand why you are pushing yourself to do something that seems to be making you so unhappy with yourself. It makes me feel really sad :(
poleisnewtome · 6/5/2015
Lazarenka, you're giving this guy so much power over you. He he is just one dude. I understand wanting to be attractive for your man, but you shouldn't lose sleep over what he thinks. I guarantee he has issues with his own body and all his previous gorgeous girlfriends also had issues with their bodies. If he is the type to be so critical of yours he's not someone you'd want to be with. But it seems that all the criticism is coming from yourself and not from him.
polebravely · 7/2/2015
I just watched your videos....you're hot and you dance damn sexy. I have body issues and yours is the kind of body I envy. We are hardest on ourselves. Your man should make you feel like he thinks you're hot just the way you are. Despite my body issues, I know my man thinks I'm sexy and loves me and just standing by the pole turns him on. Have fun with it, roll with it, and if you're not ready wait to do this. It should be fun! But anyway, you're sexy as hell.
lazarenka · 7/2/2015
WOW, I was having a crappy day, and then I read that. Thanks!!! I work on it EVERY day, and I have gotten better, stronger, and a LITTLE bit more flexible since then. I will post a video soon. Thank you for brightening up my day!
polebravely · 7/2/2015
I just tell it like it is
Runemist34 · 7/2/2015
Don't forget the power of rest days! Taking a luxurious day or two off and letting your muscles relax is definitely important ;) And boy do I know it, double-injured as I am (sigh). I can't wait to see your video, Lazarenka! And to get myself up on the pole again!!
mystical · 7/2/2015
I just watched your videos your beautiful and your dancing is sexy. I think we all see ourselves as not being sexy or pretty but in our own ways we are sexy.
lazarenka · 7/5/2015
I just posted another one... I think I have better videos, but I liked the song...

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