Hey there!
It can be really frustrating to come up against your own challenges, head on and face-to-face, and feel like you aren't up to the challenge. It can feel like a defeat, and further from that, many people start to tell themselves that they are failures, that they aren't good enough. That they might as well give up. I hear a lot of this in your post.
So, my suggestion would be to take a step back and get some distance in your head about the issue. You are obviously feeling emotionally charged (not necessarily a bad thing) and passionate, but I also think you are defeating yourself before you even get there! Let yourself look at it from a different angle.
First off, you start out telling US that you're not very good at the gymnastic end of pole; how many times have you said that to yourself? How many times have you judged yourself against others, and decided you came up short? How many times have you looked at one of those moves and decided you just aren't good enough to even ATTEMPT it, even in it's most basic form?
Next, well, I think you need a little perspective from those of us down here at the beginner level. I can't really do an advanced plank without shaking. I can't do a CAR, or a basic invert. Anything past that is well beyond me. And, while I would LOVE to be able to practice, practice, practice until my arms fell off... I'm dealing with a chronically injured shoulder and am BANNED from any kind of heavy lifting, including trying to pole dance. I'm not going to get any better at all, for a long time. And I've been this way, for a long time. So, if you can shoulder mount at all, then you are amazing to me. You are superwoman to me. You have achieved the impossible.
Finally, I think you are judging yourself against others, but only in a bad way. My suggestion is not to judge or compare at all: You are all on a different journey, and you have absolutely no idea how hard those other ladies might be working to do what they can on the pole, or what kinds of things they say to themselves. You have no idea what they think when they see you doing what you do best, and judging themselves against you! Which means that our journeys are unique and individual, incomparable. Judgement only means that we put ourselves down.
What you're not saying is what you are good at. You probably don't say it to yourself, because rarely do people do that at all. We're told it's bad, to be proud of yourself, because others might think it's vain. But, who else is going to celebrate you, if you don't? Wave your flag, girl. Even if that flag is completely grounded, wave the hell out of it. If that flag is the most graceful Gemini you ever did see, wave it till everyone knows about it. And look for other things you do well. Is it your beautiful feet? Your bendy back? Your transitions, or maybe a special move you love? Are you particularly good at spins?
Do you know?
Get out there and celebrate what you are GOOD at. And, when you come across something you're not good at, but want to be, work on it, slowly and in your own way. Learn about it. Find out what's blocking you, be it fear, an injury, or something else. It's a chance to go deeper, to trust more, to love yourself. It's a chance to learn about you, and why you come to this challenge so often.
So keep going!
