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The Bachelor Party/Strip Club Dilemma
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I understand where you are coming from completely and feel the same way. My boyfriend was supposed to go a few weeks ago and I basically had a nervous breakdown envisioning all the things that could possibly happen. His friend was home for a weekend from the military and wanted to go out with his friend’s to celebrate. Now I have been to clubs with him and groups of friends and have seen what has gone on and am definitely not comfortable with it. I talked to him about it (post nervous breakdown!) And he told me I should have just said my concerns instead of getting worked up about it! He was only going to make his friend happy and see him obviously, but because I was uncomfortable he did not go. My lesson learned is to just talk it out! And yes Im sure all my boyfriends friends all think hes “whipped” and im the prude pole dancer lol. But he didn’t go and that’s all I care!! 🙂 Talk it out with him hun!
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Alicia very valid point. When I first started dating my fiancé, I would also get worked up about it. ( he personally doesn’t like seeing strippers) but I would always tell him how I felt about it because I knew it would always come up eventually.
The best thing to do is be calm and talk to him about your concerns. Tell him why you don’t want him to go and then the ball is in his court. It is up to him to respect your wishes. It would be so much easier if there were no outside influences.
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I do not know if it is even necessary for me to make this disclaimer but I just want to for my own sake:
I RESPECT and APPRECIATE all of you, regardless of your lifestyle, relationship, sexual, or marital preferences and/or values. I am a huge believer in the idea that "it takes all kinds to make a world!"
BE KIND to each other! Studio Veena has always been a safe haven for me to discuss and express myself in so many ways. I do not want my original post to inspire any kind of negativity here!
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I knew I remembered chuckling through your story Joel. 🙂
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You’ve already communicated your boundaries really well, and honestly, that’s the most important part. Marriage is about mutual respect, not about bending to traditions just because “that’s what everyone does.” A bachelor party should be about celebrating friendship and brotherhood, not pushing someone into situations that cross the lines of their relationship.
My husband faced a similar situation once when the main plan was a strip club. He simply told the group, “That’s not really my thing, but I’d love to join for dinner or drinks.” To our surprise, most of the guys didn’t push back and the night turned into bar-hopping and laughs instead. Sometimes presenting it as a personal preference rather than a judgment on others makes all the difference.
The fact that your husband respects your comfort level shows strength in your marriage. People may call him “whipped,” but those comments usually come from misunderstanding what real partnership looks like.
If you want to suggest alternatives, Wowzers has some fun party ideas that avoid strip clubs but still make for an exciting night. That website could be useful to share with the groom or best man. Boundaries don’t make you controlling, they make your marriage stronger.
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