StudioVeena.com Forums Discussions Sexuality and Pole Dancing

  • Sexuality and Pole Dancing

    Posted by Mindy4pole on January 17, 2010 at 6:51 am

    So, this has been bugging me since I first got into poling. Why do we have to deny that pole dancing is sexual??? For that matter, LIFE is sexual. I mean, none of us would exist if it weren’t for hundreds of thousands of years of sex!! The sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces we have, yet we are supposed to deny it. Why do we have to insist — "its only for fitness!" Heck — healthy sexuality IS part of fitness.

    I really want to start a "sexual pole" movement, as it seems hardly anyone is doing that. The girls who are dancing in "sexually oriented businesses" are not (as a whole) doing sexual dancing — they are doing business.

    Don’t get me wrong… I’m not advocating mass masturbation sessions or anything… It’s about energy. Where in your normal life can you be full-on sexy and attractive without having to "do" anything about it?? Men have the whole testosterone thing to keep their fires going all the time, but we women need more.
    Love YOURSELF!! You are the sex partner that you will ALWAYS have. Claim your power for yourself! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

    <whew! that was a RANT!>
    Somehow that didn’t come out as elegant as I want, but I’m tired from our pole jam. What do y’all think?

    Mindy

    deetron replied 14 years, 3 months ago 31 Members · 63 Replies
  • 63 Replies
  • vodka

    Member
    January 17, 2010 at 9:12 am

    i loved this…this is something i have been kinda 50/50 on for a while…while part of the reason i started was the fitness aspect, the whole sexy side of it definately attracted me to it as well! i have tried explaining this to some of my fam, and they think there is something wrong with me, almost! i come from a super-conservative home, and the prospect of doing something, being "sexy" or anything of a sexual nature is pretty well shunned..idk! i love it–sexuality and all! it all comes down to loving yourself, as you said, and more or less embracing your sexual side! so..well put! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

  • halfjack

    Member
    January 17, 2010 at 1:25 pm
  • Runemist34

    Member
    January 17, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    You know, I’ve always believed that sexuality, and sensuality, is a part of good pole dancing, but also that it can manifest in many different ways for different people.
    We’ve had a few dancers come out and say "I can’t dance sexy!" and I, personally, think it’s an unfortunate social bias. Touching ourselves (such as running a hand down from neck to hip and up again), splaying our legs (helicopter, anyone?) and other things I can’t think of right now don’t HAVE to be part of a dance to have the dance be sexual. On the other hand, for some people these things are very sexual.
    Everyone has their own version of sexuality, we’re all different in how we attract our bedmate, whoever that may be, and that person we attract likely doesn’t think much of it. For some women, it’s the vulnerability, the absolute drop of that "big, strong person" part of ourselves, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to be seen and known by others. For other people, it’s doing something taboo, something that we "shouldn’t do," whether it was our family, our society, or ourselves that say such. For yet others, it may even BE that big, strong person that is our sexy self! Feeling powerful, tall and in control!
    What I’m trying to say is that I agree entirely…I like the sexy side of pole dance, I enjoy it very much. I think one of the reasons Felix won the world championship was because she IS sexy, in her own way, and people could see that.
    Now, as I said before, the people we attract by being sexy may not think anything of it, they might just think "That’s sexy!" However, on the flipside, people may look at that person being sexy and go "I don’t think that’s very sexy." They aren’t the type of person we would normally attract, and they don’t see what we’re doing as "sexy" at all…but that doesn’t mean we aren’t being sexy!

    So, my conclusion (I didn’t mean to go on and on!) is that everyone needs to explore and learn their own sensual, sexy selves, because it’s not the same for everyone. I love the idea of exploring that aspect of our own dance, though!
    To say that "Pole dancing is just for fitness!" is, for me, for people who either have another outlet for their sexual selves, or they’re afraid to be "labelled" or whatever, and don’t want to delve into that aspect.

    Thank you for saying something about it! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

    Disclaimer: Just my opinions. This can be a touchy subject, and I don’t want anyone offended https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cat.gif

  • Sapphirecatzeye

    Member
    January 17, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    This is such a interesting subject! I want to post my opinion, and i hope no one takes it the wrong way… please! love you all! hehe https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_sunny.gif
    Anyway, I got to a point with my pole dancing almost two years ago, (when I started my contortion videos) that I really didn’t like my pole dancing being connected with a "sexy" dance.
    Anytime it was thought of as sexy I felt the response was negative and discriminatory from men and women.
    After I had my daughter I got my breasts fixed and I wear a size DD, with dancing i really kind wished I was normal size or a C, I couldn’t get a smaller size because I didn’t want a reduction as it would scar my pectoral muscles and skin.(it also was alot more expensive than what I had) I feel like I always get sexual attention from men so dancing is not a outlet for me. I hate it when a male friend or family member sees my pole and thinks i’m doing something dirty. Or when men and women who know nothing about it (and this is true) say "only whores get on the pole" or call it a "stripper pole" continuously. My husband’s family is South American and traditional, and they have never understood my dancing. It is such a part of my life and I cant even express how happy it makes me to get more students or land a new competition opportunity.
    When i see pole dancing, ever since the very first video I watched. I saw it as some other worldly form of anti-gravity dancing. Like the dancers were almost not human. It was so beautiful to me, and I suppose it makes me sad when others don’t see it as I do. I wish poles were never at strip clubs and our pole dancing would have zero stigma like the Chinese circus poles.
    I wish alot more dancers would take off their platform shoes and either be barefoot or wear regular heals and it would help this process along. But this is just one persons opinion, its all situational, someone who finds it as a great outlet and has no problem with expressing their sexuality in a harmless manner is not going to feel the same way as me. I had a student recently who told me she found pole dancing as a way to feel confident in her body, because she never felt confident or sexy (and she had 10 years ballet experience) she told me it helped her so much to be able to dance on it and feel like she looked good and others thought she looked sexy and therefore helping her self-image. (that is also a time when pole dancing in a sexual form can be beneficial)
    I am just a product of my experiences and preferences , environment , past and desires, as are we all.
    Anything can be used for something positive or negative , it is up to the person to make it that way.
    Just thought another perspective would be interesting, also to explain why i feel that way.
    https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

  • poledanceromance

    Member
    January 17, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    As I’m not really comfy using the words "my" and "sexuality" in anywhere near close proximity, I will just say that the first time I ever encountered pole dancing was at a strip club, and I wanted to get lost in the aerial sport factor of it, but the sexual element was there because, well, duh. Heh. And all it did was make me uncomfortable. I offended one of the dancers because she was trying to be sexy and look me in the eyes and I pretty bluntly turned away from her. I didn’t even do it on purpose, I just got so instantly embarrassed that I looked down. I felt really bad. If it was a woman I had known personally, where I could appreciate the personality driving the sexual energy, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so awkward. But she looked at me like I was expecting her to flirt with me, and that made me feel 100% awful.

    Just think, for example, uspdf having floor work requirements….good lord I hate doing floor work! It’s just uncomfortable for me, I can’t figure out how I’d do floor work that doesn’t make me feel like I’m dancing too sexy. And I hate that it’s somehow thought of as an expected portion of a routine. No one expects an aerial silks performer to do floor work. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_scratch.gif
    Sometimes I just feel people *expect* sexuality in pole dancing, and when I see that expectation in non-dancers who find out what I do, it makes me feel instantly objectified. A woman should never have to feel she is "expected" to be sexual in any of her pursuits if that’s not what she wants. Owning your own sexuality as an adult means you also have the right to not show it to anybody else if you don’t want to, or the right to put it out there if you do.

    I’ll repeat the disclaimer that this is not intended to judge anyone’s dance style. Some of my favorite dancers bust some pretty blatantly sexy moves, and I can appreciate watching, and I’m not saying dancers who have a sexual style are slutty or showy or anything like that. I just personally don’t feel comfortable projecting it, so it bugs me to think I could never get away from that image of pole being tied to sex.

  • amcut

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 3:37 am

    Mmm! In my adult life, I’m so very inside of myself. I do chores, run errands, hold conversations, hold myself upright. I compile lists, I pay bills, I make sure my mother is happy, my husband is happy, my numerous pets are happy. I do not sunbathe nude, or light candles in my bath tub. When I lotion, it’s purely functional.

    When I dance, I am not inside of myself.. or inside of my body. I am my body. It’s.. almost like sex in that regard, that I am not a soul within a shell.. but an entire pulsing being! I’m nolonger the mind that sits in the body on the couch, reading whatever garbage I’ve picked up that week. I’m not the person halfway in and halfway out of the world driving down whichever street in whichever traffic. I’m not the girl doing yoga, pretending that I’m miles and miles away laying on a beach while I push through whatever miserable pose I’m in. I AM MY BODY. Not a body, extension of the mind.. just body. Pulsing, living, feeling, sensing body.

    so. for me. dancing alone, with the pole, no cameras no gawkers no husband no nothing.. just dancing, is extremely extremely sensual.

    but I also think there’s a difference between dancing by yourself and dancing with others! Kind of like it’s a private sensuality? I dunno.

    I’m just kind of throwing thoughts at the wall here. I ENJOY this post. Thinking on it. I don’t want to ignore it, but I can’t put everything I feel while dancing into words. So… just an attempt. ;0

  • Runemist34

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 4:32 am

    Amcut, I totally agree with you! When I dance, I feel the same…sometimes it doesn’t come, and I get frustrated. But sometimes, when I can let go, I dance and it’s like I become the movement, everything flows…
    I think about it in a similar way to my writing. When I write, and it doesn’t come easily, I’m frustrated. I start and start and start again, and just can’t seem to get the words, the mood, the right flow. The writing goes off track from what I wanted. But, when it works…oh, the words just come, the sentences in my head full formed, I can hear it in my head, see the scene and the conversation, the tension between the characters. I become the story outlet, rather than the godlike figure deciding what to write down. Editing comes later, this is pure energy. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
    Sapphire, I have E sized boobs. I feel your pain! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif
    One day, my hope is that I have freedom of movement, flexible and strong enough to do anything I want with the pole, the same as my mind is strong and flexible. That way, I can do any move I want, any move I feel is the natural progression from the last. It’s hard, though, eh?
    I’ve seen lots of amazing dancers that don’t do the "sexy" thing, and lots that have! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

  • Mindy4pole

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 6:02 am

    Yeah! I’m so glad folks are discussing this. Sometimes I feel like "sex" is the elephant in the room we can’t talk about.

    I guess I have two issues… 1) Pole dancing and sexuality, and 2) sexuality and culture

    It seems as if we are constantly bombarded with two big messages — SEX!!!! and Sex is BAD!!! (so, you need to pay a lot for it!) This bugs the hell out of me. Humans are the most sexual animals on this planet. We are the only females that have intercourse when we are not fertile. And we are very successful animals! Supposedly, sometime in our history, the human population almost went extinct, and only a small tribe was left… Like maybe only 100 people… And they repopulated the planet! That’s a lot of sex.

    So, I have a really hard time seeing sex as bad. Yet, I’m given that message all the time. I feel so fortunate to have had parents that didn’t tell me sex was bad. I’ve always responded to music in a way that is very sensual/sexual. As a kid, my favorite part of watching movies at home was the music in the credits. I would writhe around on the ground, feeling, dancing… I know what you mean Amcut about being your body. It’s hard to just be if my mind has to be on alert for "this is sexual, cut it out!" I believe that sexual energy and creativity are very much the same… In dancing, in writing, in painting, in anything that lets your soul flow through your body. Maybe if I referred to it as "passionate" rather than "sexual", that would be better…

    For pole, I don’t want it to ONLY be sexual or only be fitness. I want freedom to move the way I want, the way that music moves me. I think its funny that I can tell people I do West Coast Swing dancing, and they think nothing of it… But it can be a very sexy dance, and it’s a partner dance. My connection with my partner is almost always sexual, in part, and I’m proud that I connect the same way with almost anyone I dance with. I only turn that part off if I feel like its making my partner uncomfortable.
    But if I tell people that I pole dance — which I do mostly by myself, in my own house — they fill in all this "dirty" stuff in their minds.

    I suppose my fantasy is to have a sort of "women’s temple" kind of atmosphere to dance in… I love dancing by myself, but I’m also a big ham! Being onstage with no audience gets old! I want to be able to dance and not worry about being "too sexy" — in fact, I want to celebrate being sexy!

  • Runemist34

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 6:11 am

    Ah, Mindy, this is exactly what I meant! I agree, it shouldn’t JUST be one or the other! It should be whatever we want it to be! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_sunny.gif https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cat.gif
    And yes, Swing dancing can be quite sexual. I remember it in highschool! I could only dance with one guy though (and he was gay, and thus not attracted to me) and he made me feel like a yo-yo. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

  • MilienElayne

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 8:33 am

    I’ve told and do tell everyone (except my employer) that I have a pole at home and take lessons. They all keep telling me how great pole dancing is for my fitness, weight loss, muscle toning etc. It’s like they’re reassuring themselves for some reason. I enjoy most the few friends who bag me out and tell me I have a stripper pole, dance in my undies and should get paid to flaunt it. I love that pole studios (at least mine?) really promote the sex aspect. I am completely fine with either pure fitness or totally hot n sexy, or any of the inbetween. I only care about my employer knowing I pole dance because the casual me is whatever it happens to be to whoever, but the work me is a character I play and am careful to portray correctly. Pole dancing certainly does not fit in to ‘conservative, safe and personally boring’.

    I’d love to be thought of as a sexy pole dancer. I’m still trying to find my dance style… the one that’s comfortable for me, suits my body shape and I can go to everytime when my mind goes blank. We learn ‘sexual’ moves in classes in routines, and I never realised how ‘sexual’ they were… until I went out clubbing for the first time in ages and all the girls just had their knees locked together and swayed their hips a tiny bit, and maybe put their hands up and down a little if they were adventurous…. So, anything around a pole with a little flourish is uber-sexual in comparison…lol. I’d really love to be able to move well enough to be thought of as an exotic dancer. I only dance barefoot most of the time because I fall over in heels https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif

    As to actual sex… I suppose being fitter helps with that, but trying to seduce my bf with it just makes us both crack up laughing and lose it…lol.

  • deetron

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Even a Chinese pole, with a maleperformer, can be sexual. I think there is a great deal of sexiness in this Chinese pole video of Remi Martin:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaB_0LUGfjQ&quot;

    Saphirecatzeye, your opinion is really interesting. I think contortionism is *definitely* viewed by some folks as *very* sexual – the whole "sexy flexy" (bendy in bed) thing! Does that annoy you?

    Personally, I’m so in awe at the superhuman strengths and abilities of gymnasts, contortionists, pole dancers, aerial acrobats alike that the presence of heels, a sculpted male torso, or booty popping doesn’t even register on my scandal-o-meter!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif

  • poledanceromance

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Yeah! I’m so glad folks are discussing this. Sometimes I feel like "sex" is the elephant in the room we can’t talk about.

    I guess I have two issues… 1) Pole dancing and sexuality, and 2) sexuality and culture

    It seems as if we are constantly bombarded with two big messages — SEX!!!! and Sex is BAD!!! (so, you need to pay a lot for it!) This bugs the hell out of me. Humans are the most sexual animals on this planet. We are the only females that have intercourse when we are not fertile. And we are very successful animals! Supposedly, sometime in our history, the human population almost went extinct, and only a small tribe was left… Like maybe only 100 people… And they repopulated the planet! That’s a lot of sex.

    (science nerd warning) Dolphins also have sex for pleasure. We are the only two known species that do. Also, we were reduced to 1000 breeding adults, several thousand if you count those who were too old or too young to breed at the time. You know what saved us? We discovered shellfish and subsisted off that for generations. Go figure. (/science nerd)

    I think you all make great points, because of course being present in your body is what you have to do to really dance. Sometimes I know when I am really in the moment is when someone would tell me that I look sensual or passionate or sexy, but that usually could not be farther from what I’m feeling. Dancing to me is not always sexy. In fact, it tends to be quite painful. I dance to get my troubles out, and often times I find myself on the ground after a spin and just…falling over on my pole and sobbing. Which doesn’t feel too sexy (also why there aren’t any recordings of me that don’t involve performing some specific trick.)

  • SissyBuns

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    For me as far as pole dancing is concerned. I love love love the sexual element of it. I just do. I think my own personal dance style will always have some sort of sexual undertones in most of it, but…. that can be turned on and off. I’ve always been very open about my sexuality and body and this may have something to do with my outlook on it. I think a strong sensual dance is beautiful.

    When I dance barefoot to an upbeat song I rarely roll my hips and grind the pole, but once I put those shoes on and a slow song comes on my movement changes and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve always compared pole dance to ball room dancing, where the pole is the dance partner. In ball room there are sexy seductive dances, fun upbeat party dances and classical slow regal dances. And to me there’s nothing wrong with any of it.

    I think we as pole dancers feel the need to defend ourselves all the time and claim that our dancing isn’t sexual because we respect it as an art and want others to do the same. I don’t know many people who respect what the girls do in the clubs as art so we are always quick to point out the difference. There are different aspects to pole dancing just as with any other type of dancing. It can be whatever you want it to be. And if it’s sexy for you, you shouldn’t feel bad for that.

    As soon as I tell people I pole dance and have a pole at home they say "Oh I bet Reggie loves that" or they call me a freak. They’re always suprised to hear that I have only danced for Reggie like 3 times and that he rarely ever sees me pole. It’s so much more then what first comes to most peoples mind. But…as our numbers grow and it gets more and more popular, people will get it.

  • Sapphirecatzeye

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Even a Chinese pole, with a maleperformer, can be sexual. I think there is a great deal of sexiness in this Chinese pole video of Remi Martin:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaB_0LUGfjQ&quot; onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;"

    Saphirecatzeye, your opinion is really interesting. I think contortionism is *definitely* viewed by some folks as *very* sexual – the whole "sexy flexy" (bendy in bed) thing! Does that annoy you?

    Personally, I’m so in awe at the superhuman strengths and abilities of gymnasts, contortionists, pole dancers, aerial acrobats alike that the presence of heels, a sculpted male torso, or booty popping doesn’t even register on my scandal-o-meter!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif

    I LOVE that performance by remi martin! for me i see it as the furthest away from being sexual , the song ‘Hope there’s someone’ by Antony & Johnsons is so emotional , and if you look up him playing it live on YouTube he is known for showing such passion in his singing. I just feel it was pure beauty and expression. Like Remi was connecting to Antony’s feelings though dance. but thats just how i see it.
    And after you mentioned it about contortion being viewed as sexy, I know people do see it that way. But it doesnt have the stigma like pole dancing does. I’ve also had alot more guys think its weird and painful looking than respond the other way. (in my personal at-home life not internet) But i’m also a big fantasy (books and movies) fan, so I see contortion and pole as forms to take you to ‘another world’ almost https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif

  • RoxyPink

    Member
    January 18, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    love Remi Martin!

    Anyway, go ahead and label me!! I love pole dancing because it is sexy and sensual! It’s great fitness..but honestly that’s not why I started. I wanted to recleaim the sensuality I thought that I had lost! It allows us to move our bodies they way they were intended…fluid and curvy! Yes I sway my hips when I walk and I stick my boobbies out! I love dancing in undies and a bra and most of the time in some 7" heels…gotta love em! But there are times that I love to dance barefoot…makes me feel so connected to the earth…which is sensual and emotional! Why ignore it and pretend it’s not there?? I don’t! If I could I would love to study all of the best exotic dancers out there! Why? because they move like lava flowing down the mountain side! So smooth and sureal….but with a lot of force!!

    I love this thread! I have always been the "black sheep" of my family in terms of how I view sex and sensuality! It is why we are here…and how my two gorgeous kids were made! I celebrate it everyday!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

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