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Pole “shame” How do you deal with it?
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Grayeyes that’s very comforting to hear that you have no issues at work. My plans are to become an RN and one day an anesthetic nurse. (Long time away) I figured the medical field was catty and it wouldn’t be taken well and used as an excuse and fuel to fire… I also worry about how future schools would see it. I worry too much but I guess because of past experiences. I’m glad you have had positive experiences and I’m glad you got past the shame and feel good about pole. I especially loved your last line 🙂
Romo I loved the cat comment. I’m also glad to hear you have no issues at work. I understand the feeling of not wanting to post videos, I didn’t want to for a long time and I didn’t like how my videos looked. Over time I have gained more confidence. I’m glad you videod yourself and felt pleasantly surprised. I think many of us are crushed when seeing our first videos. Lol. Hopefully pole brings you to a place where you are more happy. I’ll be looking out for you and good luck on your pole journey 🙂
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I work in surgery as a surgical tech. all the nurses, surgeons, techs know I pole. they even come to my showcases. I have found them to be very supportive and encouraging. they love to ask questions about my progress. I have been surprised at how many people are supportive. I live in California, so I dont know if that makes a difference or not. I am originally from a small town in Alabama and i’m not sure how people there would accept it. I feel how I feel about it , is what influences other peoples attitude towards pole.
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I’m in my anesthesia residency training and I’m very open about pole. Some of my colleagues have come to watch me perform. Even my attendings have taken videos of me and shown them around the OR to the surgeons and nurses. The only time I’ve had a catty comment at work was actually from the nurse manager on one of my ICU rotations. And I corrected her, but she clearly wasn’t used to people who wouldn’t just bow down to her opinion (I was wearing a sweatshirt that said pole dance on the sleeve and had the logo of my friend’s studio, she thought it could be seen as unprofessional by patients… note this was the ICU, where the majority of patients are intubated and sedated!).
But as far as the OR goes, I haven’t had any issues! And even when applying for residency I listed “aerial acrobatics” on my application under interests… that wording allowed me to explain it if I was asked (instead of people jumping to their own conclusions) and also made me stand out because it was something different and unusual. It was always an interesting conversation point in my residency interviews!
I’m not sure if the medical profession/nursing profession in the states will be different – probably yes, depending on your region and the cultural attitudes there, but that applies to anywhere in the world.
I just think a big part of getting a positive reaction is the way in which I present it. I just try to normalize it – treating it as if it’s any other hobby – and people usually follow my lead. It’s definitely great to know that my program director and my attendings are supportive – that way I have this additional security that they will back me up if anyone else tried to make it an issue. -
Romo, I laughed out loud about the cat and the feats of strength. Your friends sound cool.
I meant to include this little story about “getting over myself” in my original post. I had a coworker who was having boudoir photos taken for her husband so I offered to let her borrow my beautiful thigh-high leather boots that I bought on a whim from the clearance rack. Mind you they had never been out of my house because I couldn’t figure out where or how to wear them. She loved the boots and I told her I’d never worn them in public because I thought I would look like a 45-year-old hooker. She said, “So?” And that was it. I thought, “she’s right, so what if someone thinks that.” And so they have gone out and about. She’s an interesting gal who is wise beyond her years (and at least ten years younger than me). Sometimes you just need somebody to re-frame things for you or just say, “So?”
🙂
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“Those who mind don’t matter
And those who matter don’t mind.”I have no pole shame.
People who think pole is shameful are ignorant. Why keep small minded people in your life?
If someone wants to understand you, they will try to. They will ask questions and listen.
And don’t let them play the “it’s inappropriate” card on you either. Our culture loves to shame women (especially moms) out of enjoying their sexuality. Don’t fall for it. You’re allowed to be a strong happy person; spiritually, emotionally, physically, sexually. -
LolaSlaytor — I laughed out loud when you mentioned your ICU patients usually being intubated and sedated. 🙂
GreyEyes — Gotta agree with your coworker who said “Who cares!?” and glad to hear you ended up wearing those boots in! I’m sure you looked amazing in them! 🙂
I enjoy reading this thread!
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I enjoyed this thread so much. Glad to hear of everyone’s luck with their pole hobby in their professions. It brings me much comfort you have no idea, it’s always something I worried about. A yoga instructor or hobbyist can be out with their passion and receive no flak. I understand if I ever do decide to ‘come out’ the way I present it will be a huge deciding factor on how it is taken. Even if I sterilize it as much as possible I will still expect some negative when that day comes but oh well…
Lol Pheonix Hunter I live in Alabama right now. The Conservative South/Bible Belt… I’m becoming a repressed little ball of rage out here. lol
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I’ve been a member of the pole dancing community for so long now that it seems like a regular part of my identity. Most everyone knows about it and it they don’t it’s just because of random chance it’s never come up in conversation. One advantage of being real old, lol–is that you can get away with more, I guess. And at 53, you just don’t care as much about critical opinions.
Poledancefan is Joel Lessing
Forest Park, Illinois -
I’ve had couple of ‘friends’ who made snide comments or were funny with me when they found out i poled. Lets just say they aren’t friends anymore!!
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Boy, did I get “outed”, LOL!! I closed the door upstairs where I have my pole and mirror. My family was here from Georgia and I mean all of them. Three uncles that are pastors! They wanted to tour our new house and my aunt decided to go in, closed door or not! Uh oh. In she went and kind of gasped. I was explaining it’s a workout program (I was sweating bullets, hahaha) while she looked at me disapprovingly. Then my other aunts and then uncles all started filing into the room and everyone was REAL quiet!!! I was explaining again that it’s a great fitness program and great core workout, yadda, yadda, but I could tell that I could stick a fork in it!! They were probably all speculating that maybe that’s how I paid for my last car, LOL! I’m in my 40’s, I felt like I was 10. I know they were dying to pile down the stairs and light up the cell phones and “tell”! It was awkward, but oh well, I can laugh about it now. I’m in a conservative neighborhood. If I had any “cajones”, I would put it downstairs in our living room. I am wasting 14′ ceilings!!!!!!!
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Oh Cool Change, that sounds perfectly hilarious but only because it didn’t happen to me! Life goes on. Glad you can laugh about it. I just looked at your photos–beautiful horse–I’m jealous.
Tamarinda, you are right that it is all in the presentation if and when you decide to tell people. If you are not embarrassed and are proud of if, most (mature) people will react appropriately. If you are somewhat embarrassed, etc., that comes across to them and then you get some of the weird/stupid reactions.
Also, even though I’m a nurse and have had good reactions (at least that I’m aware of), I am 100% sure there would be some cattiness if I were a regular staff nurse working the same unit over and over. I’m a float so I don’t work on any one unit very frequently so I’m not really into the politics of the unit and, therefore, don’t have the usual array of friends and possible non-friends/enemies I might have if I were regular staff. I’m just kind of on everyone’s periphery.
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I have no poleshame, generally, more of a “this is what I do, like it and stay, despise me and walk” attitude to all things in life. I admit it does not get you MANY friends, but it gets you good ones.
When someone asks the usual “you’re a stripper, then?”, I answer “if you think I’m nearly hot enough for that, you’ve been going to the wrong clubs”. It normally ends in sheepish laughter when the person realises what they said and we’re all friends again.That said, it’s an attitude not everyone can afford. I work in a gaming company. I pole. One of my best friends has half of his body (the normally exposed half) covered in tattoos and shows up to work with face bruised from MMA training. People come to work dressed in ANY way, including multicoloured wigs and corsets. And I love it.
And nobody is gonna give me any pain about my poling.But if I worked in a law firm (this is from past experience, it probably applies to many jobs), I know things would be different. I used to be a secretary and I remembered my boss giving me trouble because during the weekend he had met me at a bar and I was drunk. On a weekend.
If you think sharing your pole is gonna give you real trouble with your job, studies, career homelife, whatever… weigh it VERY carefully.
If you keep something secret, you can share it any time. If you share it, you cannot unshare it if you change your mind.
We all love pole and we should not be ashamed to. But if you let the fact you pole ruin your life (because others are stupid), you might end up hating pole, and nobody wants that. (nobody wants your life ruined, either!!!) -
I’m new to pole but I haven’t felt any shame to date. I haven’t shared my new hobby with many people but that has more to do with the fact that I’m a fairly private person not because I’m ashamed. I’m sorry that some of you have had to deal with the comments and treatment you have.
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I am in the “political” world. I have no shame about my poling but I am realistic. There are certain positions /jobs I probably won’t take simply because not everyone thinks like I do. doesn’t bother me. I am willing to trade promotion for the ability to do what I want in my private life. Also I am very open about my poling because making it seem like a secret defeats my claim that there is nothing wrong with it. 😊
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For me, pole is just another aerial apparatus. But I don’t post pictures or videos of pole the way I would silks or lyra. I guess I just don’t want to deal with the stigma. If I decide to get a silicone pole, I will start sharing more. I’d like to see my fellow aerialists embrace it and I feel like that’s one way to make the cross over. I guess I’m saying I don’t hide it, but I don’t flaunt it (so to speak) either.
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From what I’m reading from all the posts in here I conclude that we are not ashamed of what we do (or we wouldn’t do it) but sometimes people around us can be less understanding than we’d want them to be. I guess it depends also on where you live. There are areas of the world where people are just more open minded. Anyway, this whole thing has made me think about what we ladies are supposed to do or supposed to be in our societies. We are not hurting anybody but some of us still fell the need to be careful about “exposing ourselves” as if it was something bad because some people may not be able to see beyond that. Obviously pole is a very important part of my life, but I’m more than that, we ALL are. I am really glad that a lot of women are proud of their poling, of their bodies and of themselves (besides pole). Way to go ladies! This is why in a past post I stated that you ladies are my heroes, you are strong, confident and powerful. Every woman in this planet should feel like that. I truly respect you 🙂
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Well if it’s your mother’s house then she has the right to tell you to take it down temporarily, it’s when it’s your house that it would make me say, “Really”? Everyone that I’m close to knows that I pole as well, but if I lived in my mother’s home I would take my pole down too because there is no need for me to have it up all the time and for the sake of possibly embarrassing her,it would just be better to take it down. Why leave it up? For what purpose? Is it to start a fun conversation, or ( fill in the blank) it’s different for different people. I keep mine up cause I’m too lazy to take it back down. =)
My mother’s friends don’t really need to know in that way. You know walking in and BAM there is a pole in the middle of her living room. They can learn about my hobby in a conversation. If people are going to be all sorts of negative about it then Oh well, that it on them. If they are open to it then I’ll educate them, but if they aren’t I kick them to the side and keep doing my thang. There is no shame in poling, so never let anyone make you feel that way, but just know that not everyone is open to this sort of sport and you don’t want to make your mother uncomfortable. -
My friends and those family members that have come to my house have seen my pole. They laughed when they saw It but I really do not care if they have a negative opinion or thought. During the summer one of my managers came to my house and his wife wanted a tour of my house, of course they both saw the pole, but made no comments. I did not feel embarrased at all, after all this is my house and while some people like to use weight bench, steps, and other different tools or machinery to do their daily exercise, what is wrong using a pole for your daily exercise or as hobby? My kids see it all the time, they have seen me dancing and they do not care. My husband just built me a beautiful bird cage, now that is a little too much and I would love to see some of my friends faces when they see it. 😜 some has already seen it and they loved it. They all know I like to dance and that my husband and I go dancing almost every Saturday.
Now, location might be an issue when expecting company, but not because of what they might think, but because it might be on the way or people might want to use it and that could be dangerous if they do not know what they are doing, they can get hurt or hurt someone walking by.
I would remove it just to prevent any accidents and to please your mom. But let her know that you are not ashamed for pole dancing. This is part of who you are.
Good luck.
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I wanna see your bird cage! 🙂
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Here it is. He even added lights . I was impressed with the outcome
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I would probably remove my pole for company if it were in my living room. Two reasons. #1 being I have a tiny house. #2 being that I would hate for company to feel uncomfortable in my home. I hate when people “force” their world on you. Just because I believe something to be fantastic doesn’t mean I expect others to. No reason to stick it in their faces. I believe that we live in a world where we tend to force others to accept our beliefs and visa versa. Just because you put your pole away doesn’t mean your are feeling shame or trying to hide yourself. It just shows a respect for others. JMHO.
Beautiful bird cage Caribbean. You’re husband is a talented man.
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