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Pole Dancing…And Depression.
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I’m glad to hear you’ve found our support comforting, Shadow. You are most definitely not alone. Most likely, you’re not alone in your community either, other people are likely dealing with the same problems, even if they don’t talk about it.
Research does suggest that our thoughts and everyday activities can change our brain structure and chemistry, just as, for example, some people can learn to bring their blood pressure under conscious control. There is also evidence that certain experiences, particularly early in life, can have a long-lasting impact on the chemistry and structure of the brain. But none of this information is a substitute for care by medical and/or mental health professionals.
Depression as an illness and its treatment can vary a lot from person to person. There are people who, with the help of qualified mental health professionals, are able to treat and/or learn to cope with their depression without medication. There are other people who are prescribed medication because their doctor thinks that medication is in their best interest at that time. Some people are fortunate enough to have a single bout of relatively short-lived depression in their life. For others, myself included, depression seem to be a chronic illness that must be managed through a variety of strategies. Still other people fall somewhere in between.
I think the best advice we can give someone is to work closely with their doctor and/or other mental health professionals, and follow the advice of these professional. If they don’t feel they can work with a particular doctor or other professional, then they should continue to see that professional while they find someone they feel they can work with. Beyond that, I think we can reasonably share what as helped us, so that others may be able to discuss these strategies with the provider of their mental health care and possibly try them along with the treatment advised by professionals.
From the thread above, clearly many of us find exercise to be a valuable tool in managing depressive symptoms, and there is research that supports the general effectiveness of exercise in improving mood. Other strategies that help me, personally, include:
– Getting plenty of natural light. Exercising outside is great for this, opening blinds can also help. When I lived further north and days were short during the winter, I found a bright light (prescribed by my doctor) and full spectrum light bulbs helped.
– Getting enough rest. Depression both makes me tired and causes insomnia, but I’ve also found not allowing myself to get enough rest tends to make my symptoms worse, so I make a real effort to consistently get sufficient sleep.
– Making sure I don’t eat too much sugar. Some is fine, but I don’t need to be living on Skittles. I tend to crave sugar when I’m depressed, but I’ve also noticed eating a lot of sugar (and other junk more generally) over a period of days or weeks seems to make my mood worse. Generally, the healthier my diet, the better my mood tends to be.
– Making sure I take at least some time for me every day. This might be just sitting quietly, chilling with my cats, or listening to music, but it can also be dancing or doing some other exercise. For me what is important is that it be something I enjoy, that I do on my own.
– Helping others can sometimes also help me to feel better about myself. Volunteering with some sort of organization can be good, but something less structured also works.
– Keeping in close, preferably face-to-face contact with supportive others. This isn’t always easy, especially when I’m depressed, but it does tend to help.
These are some of the things that help me, personally, in addition to the treatment recommended by my doctor. Other people may or may not find them useful.
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Wow, what a lot of great advice and support! I have struggled with depression since my teens, and I am 34 now. I am one of those people that does require medication for chemical balance, but before it could really help me, I had to do a lot of work in therapy…I needed to learn how to think in healthier ways and how to structure my life.
Exercise is really important for me, and so is awareness of times when my depression may be worse due to stress, poor eating habits, etc. I have to be very holistic in my approach to managing my depression.
Please know that it does and can get better, so if you feel like you are in an inexplicable black hole, know that there are a lot of ways to climb out. Look forward to the day when you can tell your own victory story and share your experiences with someone else. All of the people who shared in this thread had something valuable to stay, but ultimately the right solution is going to be what is right and what is safe for you. We are here, and we care about you!
You are not a freak; you are a lovely young woman who is struggling right now. It’s going to get better. *hugs*
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I am very glad someone posted about this because I had a feeling pole was not just a physical workout but could provide mental benefits. Personally, at points in my life where I have had quite a bit of anxiety, I found pole to be very useful. I think it is perhaps because my mind has to focus simply on not falling on my face. 🙂
Aerial Amy posted this interview with Tarakarina where she talks about pole and how it helped her with GAD.
I am also very glad all of you are writing about this because so many people can feel alone with whatever problem they have, while other people are experiencing the same thing. Shadow22, the words you used to express your experiences sound so much like the students who have come into my office and told me about their depression. They can have the same sense of looking outwardly at their life and thinking it looks great, but knowing things feel off inside. There is a book called Speaking of Sadness that is about people’s experiences with depression in general…and it may help those who are depressed see how they are experiencing some of the same things as others.
I am more familiar with the research on some other mental disorders rather than depression, so I don’t want to wade into too much. However, as some posters pointed out, there is a lot we don’t know about disorders. I will also say that there can be interactions between our biology and our environment. Shadow22 you may also find it interesting to read the latest research on depression. I don’t know if you have access to those type of articles, but if you search journal databases and find something you want and can’t get, let me know and I will see if my library has access. One place to search for such articles is http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed If you are interested in complementary therapies, you might want to check out this site. Just search for depression. https://nccih.nih.gov/ -
Hello!
You are most certainly not alone in this struggle, but finding your own balance and inner peace will most likely be entirely unique to you. I don’t feel right telling you what depression is or isn’t, but I can offer a little insight into what it has been for me personally.
I am 30 years old. I have had issues all my life with instability (mentally, physically, emotionally) and when I was the age that you are now it became almost unbearable. I will spare you the specific details but, once again, please do not feel that you are entirely alone or that you should “suck it up, buttercup”.
Many people are completely ignorant of what you’re going through. They get a case of “the blues” when something doesn’t go well for them (break-up, financial stress, school, work, somebody messed up their latte’ at Starbucks) and then they bounce back into full function in a fairly short amount of time. Depression, however, is all-encompassing. It has no trigger, it is a part of you, it usually has cycles that you can recognize over time but never feel fully in control of. This is why some who suffer from it try to balance out with medication, distraction, isolation, etc.
I cannot tell you what will work to help lift you out of the depths of your despair, but I can tell you what has helped me. Firstly, I am unresponsive to medication. I’ve tried a full catalog of antidepressants/antipsychotics/mood stabilizers/sedatives and the like. The side effects for me were terrible and nothing seemed to improve my functionality. I felt dead while I was on them, no drive to carry out even the most basic task, and I’m pretty sure that if anyone were to drop dead in front of me while I was on that junk I would’ve been unable to feel either way about it. This is not to say meds haven’t helped other people, I’m just saying that for some it is not the best option to deal with their depression. Talk therapy helped me, but it is extremely costly and without a compassionate/patient/trust-worthy/professional counselor it is no longer an option for me. I have learned to self-soothe through a book that someone mentioned earlier (The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Workbook) and I have also found sanctuary through dance.
The overwhelming feelings of dread and, at times, total disillusion of my life and societal role still hit very hard sometimes. I am not entirely where I feel I need to be and, worse yet, I don’t even understand WHERE that even is or how I’m supposed to get there. Sometimes I wish I could just think and feel the way other people seem to. How they remain unaffected and everything rolls right off their backs instead of crushing them. How speaking to others in a way that isn’t awkward, unnatural, boring, or distressing comes so easily. How perception is not an issue for them, or…at least it seems not to be. I often have to fight these thoughts because they only weigh me down further. I am not wired the same as “other people” and sometimes it flat-out sucks to have to reprogram manually for my own sake.
Seriously, that’s what it’s like some days. Metaphorically, I’m driving stick with barely a clue as to how it works, no one to instruct me, but full knowledge that I need to somehow make it work to get where I need to be. People with automatics fly past me effortlessly. Some say “What’s your problem?”, some shout obscenities at me, and once in awhile a kind soul will stop to try and help me. It’s unfortunate that no one knows how to drive this thing, you can only find out as you go. It does work, but finding out WHAT makes it work is constant trial and error. I will say, there are great minds that have done great things throughout history who drove stick and that somewhat fuels me to keep going. I don’t need to be destined for greatness, though, I really would rather be able to enjoy my journey. So I focus on my surroundings and the people who choose to ride with me instead of pass me by. I attempt to appreciate my own vehicle and continue to try each day to figure it out a little better. Sometimes I almost fly instead of drive…like an alien in a spaceship. lol
Sorry for all the metaphors, this is another way I make sense of my struggle. The formal diagnosis jibber-jabber is from a perspective outside of my situation, so I often redefine it in a way that makes sense to me. It’s your struggle, you can own it and make it work for you. This is your life, no one else’s, and you have every right to pull over, refuel, stop at rest areas, ask for directions, enjoy the scenery whenever you need to. Keep going, though, it’s a wild ride and it will surprise you how awesome the road less traveled may lead you.
I hope this helps. I may have trailed from my original narrative of this post, but I want very much to be uplifting about this. It is difficult to deal with depression and all the names associated with it. I suppose I’ll end it on this quote that has stuck with me since childhood:
“Of course it’s hard. If it wasn’t then everybody would do it. The ‘hard’ is what makes it great.”
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Hey Shadow!
I hope you see that you have a lot of support! So many great suggestions!
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety many years ago. I chose not to take meds, but that was my personal decision because I saw close relatives on meds have that zombie-like experience. I have been seeing a LMHC (licensed mental health counselor) on & off for years. When things are hard I may see her once a week. When I’m doing well I may not see her for months.
I’m also a writer. I have found that between cognitive/talk therapy and journaling (the old fashion way – pen to paper)I have found peace. Long ago I thought I could be “cured” but I know now this is not the case so I’ve had to learn to live with myself & make peace with my condition.
My advice is to see a professional if you can. Finding someone you click with is important. Also you should be able to find someone who will see you at a discount if you don’t have insurance.
Try journaling. Even if you can just write for 10 min a day at first. I know it really helped me sort out & accept my feelings.
Most importantly do what is BEST for YOU. Don’t listen to what anyone else has to say (including me!) if it doesn’t work for you. You are the only one that has to deal with yourself 24/7. This may take some trial & error, but you are worth it. If something works for you (meds, exercise etc) great! If something doesn’t work for you (writing, meditating) drop it & move on. Life is too short.
Continue to reach out here if you need to. Sounds like there are many of us who understand 🙂
I hope you find your strength and your peace. -
Shadow, as has become apparent, you are not alone. Depression is a very common problem (yes, even for your age group!) and the stigma that surrounds it still is absolutely ridiculous. I have experienced many types of depression: situational, hormonal, chemical and seasonal. It runs in the family.
Depression is highly personal, what is right for one can be absolutely wrong for another. We also have different patterns to our depression. For me ensuring I stick to a basic routine of meeting my basic needs helps prevent me from spiraling down. I’ve also learnt that being inactive while in a bad depressive attack doesn’t help me. It makes it so much worse. I have to mentally yell and scream at myself to get out of the chair. Even if I do something as mundane as folding washing, it helps. Eating meals on time, getting out of bed, drinking enough water, it helps. It’s tiny tiny things. Maybe it’s just me but I beat myself up more when depressed so by doing these things I have less to beat myself up over!
I second what Runemist said about “inviting it in”. Depression is exhausting, fighting it even more so. I can do things to help not make it worse because let’s face it, lying in bed while the house is a pig sty isn’t contributing to a positive mental state lol, but the depression is still there. So, I remind myself it will get at least a bit better at some point and just ride this wave and it’ll die out when it is so inclined. I can help it along by having a structured routine, making myself do things I know I normally enjoy (maybe to a lesser degree), and a healthy sleep routine. It’s taken me many years to draw up a plan of “self care” which works for me. I’ve accepted that sometimes I can be active and still not feel better however it passes the time which is helpful. It’s a small victory but a victory it still is.
Poling has proved to be my saviour mentally, even though it takes a heavy toll on my health condition. Even if I don’t feel better after, I’m having to focus so entirely on what I’m doing I’m distracted from thinking, “I’m hurting so much right now.” Physical activity can definitely give you a boost and poling is empowering which is good when you feel like this. I find music can affect my mood too. Sometimes I’m so miserable and hurting I just blast out the saddest songs and just embrace it. It still surprises me how therapeutic that can be! It’s a bit like holding in tears and emotion, it’s exhausting keeping it dammed upside. It’s better to just let it go under controlled circumstances rather than exhaust ourselves trying to contain it.
Learn also when to make yourself do something (like go out with friends) and when to recognise you’re best staying at home. I’ve had times when I’ve dragged myself out to socialise and it hasn’t paid off. I’ve regretted it and wish I had stayed home. There just comes times when I am so deep down in the shaft of depression, wallowing in the mud, bruised and broken, the last thing I need is to deal with navigating the challenge of being social and trying to be cheery and socially correct and deal with people being idiots. When I’m that bad, nothing from my friends/family will comfort me, activities won’t help. I just have to wait it out. I know some people say rely on your friends/family when you’re that low but I find in certain situations it doesn’t help. It takes a very wise loved one to walk this fine balance of supporting you but leaving you alone to breath and recover and keeping an eye on you.
Depression takes a lot of self knowledge and awareness. It will teach you some brutal lessons. It will teach you many skills and coping mechanisms. I know this doesn’t negate your suffering, I know this. Do not be afraid to try medication. Do not be afraid of anything, in fact. This sounds very strange, I know. I can’t make any promises that your depression will just one day go and never come back, of course I hope it does, but I can say that fear makes depression worse. Don’t fear it, when it visits we can learn from it and grow as a person. If we have a self care plan to fall back on, it’s less frightening and we can manage as best as we can.
Mindfulness, yoga/stretching, cognitive behavioural therapy, sunlight, meditation, medication, a good diet, regular exercise, therapy, regular scheduled sleep, avoiding alcohol (it’s a depressive), some natural supplements, a self care plan (including a crisis one), a structured routine and stress management/reduction have all proven helpful for many many people. Low energy activities which we normally find pleasurable (reading, drinking cocoa before bed, lighting candles, adult colouring books, happy TV/Movies etc) It’ll take trial and error, find what works for you, to what degree, when to use it and build it all into your self care plan.
As for educating others, I recommend having website resources or print offs/hand outs you can give to people. Explaining depression can be very tiring and we often can’t find the words. People usually ask when we’re having an attack too, I find.
I am sorry you have to live with this in your life. I understand your pain, I really do.
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