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Little dancers
My 11 year old twin boys LOVE to climb on the pole and want me to teach them some moves. Two questions. Any suggestions for moves to teach them? How to I tell them not to tell their friends about our hobby, especially after I went to great lengths to teach my boys that it’s not sleazy? (the 15 year old still isn’t sure, probably because he’s aware of the profession). Any thoughts welcome! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif
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20 Replies
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I’m not a child psychologist, but i do know that children (and teenagers), just like adults, appreciate honesty. At first glance, persuading them that pole dancing/fitness is not sleazy but at the same time telling them not to tell their friends may seem contradictory. So here’s what i think you could explain to them. Maybe you could start by explaining to them that POLE FITNESS (not that i’m against using the word "dancing"- but they are only 11 and need a simpler way of understanding it in their minds as non-sleazy) is still a very new sport. Therefore, many people have never heard of it as such, so if they tell their friends they won’t understand what it is.
You could then proceed by telling them that many people are very closed-minded about new things, and because of their ignorance or because they feel intimidated by these new things, they tend to make fun of them or think things that aren’t true.
If your kids start to feel a bit awkward by this or seem to start doubting again about the "sleaziness" of the hobby, you can then explain to them how this hobby is becoming increasingly popular as a sport, and that you all are "ahead of your time" because one day it will be very common among both women and men, and they will be lucky to have started early and have a head start! Show them youtube videos of Male ChineseIPole Acts- i’ve also seen a good couple’s one from a circus called something like "vertical tango". It’s also quite possible that one day it will be included the olympic games!
Overall, i think the major point to get across to them is that although poling is a great sport (no different than horizontal bars gymnastics and such), we shouldn’t tell too many people about it YET, because it is too new for them to understand it. Try to make them feel special about being a part of something so new that it’s kept secret.
This being said, i just want to make clear that i don’t think any form of this sport is sleazy- it’s an art form no matter what one does with it. And i don’t think it’s shameful to tell people about it, or for children to tell their friends about it. However, i understand the influences of society and sterotypes, and children at that age can be cruel to their peers- so i agree that it may be a good idea to at least try to get them not to tell their friends (who will most likely tell their parents, and actually, That’s where most of the negativity will come from-the parents).
Good luck and i hope others have more advice, maybe better than mine! oh and for your other question, i think a fitness/health professional could give appropriate advice as to what is suitable for children their age concerning exercise/fitness programs. Let us know what happens! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif -
Thanks for your thoughts! I totally agree that nothing about poling is sleazy, but boys don’t want to think about their mom and sexuality at the same time. They cringe when I kiss my husband in front of them! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif Making them feel "cutting edge" is a great idea! I think I’ll approach it the same way as our conversations about our political and spiritual beliefs (which tend to be opposite of the majority in our community). We’re already in the minority as liberal, tree hugging, Buddhist atheists- so they’ve learned that others can be close minded about our "otherness". Thanks again for your ideas!
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I can’t help you much as far as what to tell your boys other than going with the whole idea of how cutting edge this form of exercise is. My boys, they are all much younger, only think of it as something I use for exercise. They don’t see it any differently then my home gym or exercise ball. lol They also know not to touch it unless they ask me first…or else https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_evil.gif
As far as what to teach. Hmmm I would say start with spins or holds, moves that take a lot of strength like climbing the pole. Nothing that would make them feel to pretty. Here is an example of a male pole dancer. One thing to note: he is using a his pole in spin mode. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rambo.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcZBNPULCiQ -
"As far as what to teach. Hmmm I would say start with spins or holds, moves that take a lot of strength like climbing the pole. Nothing that would make them feel to pretty." —But one of my boys likes to feel pretty! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif I let him get it out of his system at home where he won’t be ridiculed, except by his brothers.
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I think ambivalence about pole is an equal opportunity thing–for Boys as well as Girls. My daughter Johannah is obsessed that her best friend never see the pole room in the basement and always closes the door when she comes over. But before I bought her her own FLIP camera, I discovered a few video clips on mine with her doing spins! (Ahem! she’s also not supposed to pole alone–for safety.) Laurie’s pretty adamant about not letting her post any of those kinds of vids, so I’ve tried to get Johannah involved in some of my videos as a spotter–and let her sneak in a spin or two.
It’s too bad that the "sleazy" label gets attached to pole dancing, but frankly, I think that sexism has a lot to do with it. The parking lot is always full at the strip club a few suburbs over–I bet none of the guys there think of themselves as sleazy–only the dancers get labelled that way.
So yeah, I pretty much agree with all the ladies in this post. Kids will pick up on however you present the activity. And if they get ashamed of it later, it’s probably no big deal. When he was a teenager, Jake always made me drop him off at school a block away because I drove a Honda Civic and that wasn’t a cool car. Now he lectures me about how I should take public transportation because cars use too much gas…
Joel
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wow that male pole video takes strength into a whole different place! It’s amazing.
My kids see my pole as a form of exercise too, not that they don’t appreciate some of the moves are pretty or even a bit "sexy" (that’s just the latest word at school at the moment, last term it was all body functions, goodness only knows what it will be next month!!) but it’s exercise, hard work and requires practice and a lot of bruises to get right lol! They both do their own version of spins (running round the pole for dear life holding on with one hand) and wiggles and they know they mustn’t play on it unless I’m with them https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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This is a beautiful forum topic! I’d like to weigh in with my 2 cents.
I don’t have kids of my own. I hope to some day, either by blood or adoption but I have the most charming niece and nephews in creation. I also was very blessed to have an open minded family. They don’t live near me but whenever I go visit them or they visit me we always cut the music up full blasts and dance in the living room https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif It’s great fun. The two youngest ones (niece who’s 10 and nephew who’s 6) even do yoga with me. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif I love it. It is such great bonding time for all of us. This summer their mother said they all can even come stay with me for the summer when they get out of school, thus this will be the first time they will be exposed to the pole. I haven’t really thought about how I will handle it until now.
The oldest one is 15, so I doubt he will be interested in it. He’s in that stage where everything everybody else does is wierd unless it concerns driver’s ed! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif But I know the 2 youngest ones will be all for it!! They are very open minded and like to try new things. I bet the youngest one will even take the best to it. He’s already built like a little line backer. He’s probably even stronger than me https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_tongue.gif I am blessed to have a very accepting and open minded family but I have noticed how I can freely say "pole dancing" "pole" "poling" on the net and with certain friends and when I talk about it with my mother and other certain people I refer to it as "vertical dance pole" "vertical bar" "pole fitness". With most people I avoid the subject all together. Which makes me wonder if I feel some kind of double standard about it. I think it’s that I moreso recognize that the term "pole dancing" just conjures up the wrong visual image with some folks who aren’t aware of the broader range of pole fitness. And I can just imagine what future visiters to my home will think when they come in and see a pole in the middle of the floor where the dining room table use to be LOL but then again all the visitors to my home already know just how out there Jungle Cat is! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif
I’m not ashamed of the endeavors I pursue but I do recognize the differences in peoples perceptions when I use the term "pole dancer" vs "vertical dancer". That is why I’ve taken it upon myself to educate my family and friends about all the attributes and benefits of pole fitness and the respect that vertical dance has gained! Starting with the youngest to the oldest…we’ll see how it goes https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif
Jungle Cat https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cat.gif
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I love that this topic is on here because the first time I left my pole up when my son came home he was like "OMG mommy that is so cool!" He jumped right on it and everytime I have it up he wants to spin. I think that they have a child spirit they don’t see at as anything sexual and he just has fun. My BF on the other hand did not want him on it at all he made it seem like he is going to be a stripper if he plays on it. I think it is a great thing for him to get his energy out and I think this shouldn’t be something that is looked down on. I am going to teach him spins but he already can climb the pole easily!
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I love that this topic is on here because the first time I left my pole up when my son came home he was like "OMG mommy that is so cool!" He jumped right on it and everytime I have it up he wants to spin. I think that they have a child spirit they don’t see at as anything sexual and he just has fun. My BF on the other hand did not want him on it at all he made it seem like he is going to be a stripper if he plays on it. I think it is a great thing for him to get his energy out and I think this shouldn’t be something that is looked down on. I am going to teach him spins but he already can climb the pole easily!
Hey Krystal!!!
What perfect timing! It just happened that my neice and 2 nephews are here visiting for the first time since I’ve had the pole and OMG as soon as they walked in they made a beeline for it!!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif It was crazy lol The youngest boy climbed all the way to the top on the first freakin try and I taught my neice how to do an inverted crucifix on the very first night!!! You have no idea how jealous I was hahaha but I was very proud of them! Not just of what they did physically but how they acted mentally.
At first my neice came in and she said, "You are’t suppose to dance on the pole to gospel music." I sort of expected that. She is very mature for her age. She’s only 12 but she’s been through so many hardships already that she’s really a young adult. She started her cycle at 10 yrs old and she was also molested by her blood father (who’s in jail now the bastard) poor thing. I know it’s very hard on her. Hell it’s hard for grown women so I can imagine on a child. So I knew she would be more well rounded and educated in the ways of the world as far as pole dancing than the boys are. After we all sat down and talked about it as a family though and she actually got to try the pole out and see some of my videos and some videos on here she acknowledged that pole dance is not just for strippers and that what we do is really art and expression. They were all able to see that a dance pole is just a piece of fitness equipment jus like every other piece of workout equipment and it’s up to the individual to choose how they wish to express themselves that make pole dance clean or dirty. We all also had a lesson in how we judge others without even realizing it. I love my family. I really do. I wouldn’t trade them for all the riches in the world. I also love all you gals and guys for being so courageous and wonderful and inspiring me to be comfortable with myself and not be ashamed of anything I do.
For that I will always be greatful. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_sunny.gif
Love Jungle Cat https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cat.gif
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Yeah Jungle I saw those videos you put up on Facebook! They all danced wonderfully! I guess it runs in the family https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
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Hehe thank ya Foxy! I’m sad cuz I’m the worse dancer in the crew!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif They are all great at choreography. I suck at it!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_tongue.gif I’m gonna post some of their lil dances they made for you guys to see. They are so cute!
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I too am having some concerns about my kids and my pole. I have no problem with my kids playing on it. My oldest who is 13 made one attempt to spin on it, it hurt and she was over that quickly.
My two younger ones love to climb it and they naturally do the fireman on it. They can both climb all the way to the top! Kids are so damn agile!
Anywho…the problem is that some of my oldest daughters friends saw my pole, then word got out at school about it and then some kids were laughing at her calling her mom a stripper. I felt so bad for her because she’s very protective of me and was very hrut that people would say that about me.
I explained to her that the pole comes with a negative stigma but that her mom is not a stripper and that she can just tell them that…or better yet, not tell them anything at all. They don’t me and therefore have no right to make any assumptions but….they are kids and kids can be so cruel.
Now I try to hide my pole from her friends. I keep it in my room and when they come over I close my door. I hate having to hide it but not everyone is open minded enough to accept it https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif
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Awww I’m sorry to hear that Sissy https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif
Yeah some kids can be very cruel. They like to have the limelight and attention and they will use anything and hurt anyone to get it. I think in your case hiding it is a good idea. It’s not that you are ashamed of what you do but it’s more so as a protection of your daughter seeing as to kids aren’t as mature as adults and able to understand the fitness aspect of it. Hell some adults aren’t even mature, my recent events prove that lol but I think it’s wonderful that you go the extra mile when considering your daughters feelings.
My sister is the opposite of you. Bless her heart. She’s a very good person but a lot of the times she only thinks about herself and she puts her kids second. When she visited this weekend and asked how much my pole cost I lied and told her an extremely high amount to dissuade her from being interested. (I know she’s hella cheap LOL) I also practiced some crazy advanced moves to intimidate her as well. I kinda feel real guilty about it but I think it’s for her own good. She is not structured enough to handle it. There are always neighborhood kids in and out of her house so it would definitely get around. And her kids are already embarassed enough by her as it is. I love my sister to death, we are so close and we have so much fun together but she really does need to grow up. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif I worry about her…
J.C.
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Awww I’m sorry to hear that Sissy https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif
Yeah some kids can be very cruel. They like to have the limelight and attention and they will use anything and hurt anyone to get it. I think in your case hiding it is a good idea. It’s not that you are ashamed of what you do but it’s more so as a protection of your daughter seeing as to kids aren’t as mature as adults and able to understand the fitness aspect of it. Hell some adults aren’t even mature, my recent events prove that lol but I think it’s wonderful that you go the extra mile when considering your daughters feelings.
My sister is the opposite of you. Bless her heart. She’s a very good person but a lot of the times she only thinks about herself and she puts her kids second. When she visited this weekend and asked how much my pole cost I lied and told her an extremely high amount to dissuade her from being interested. (I know she’s hella cheap LOL) I also practiced some crazy advanced moves to intimidate her as well. I kinda feel real guilty about it but I think it’s for her own good. She is not structured enough to handle it. There are always neighborhood kids in and out of her house so it would definitely get around. And her kids are already embarassed enough by her as it is. I love my sister to death, we are so close and we have so much fun together but she really does need to grow up. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif I worry about her…
J.C.
Yeah I try to take my kids into account with everything I do. I’m raising them to be open minded and non judgmental and also how to deal with people who don’t see the world the way they do.
I’m sorry to hear that you had to go to such lengths to disuade (did I just make that word up) your sister from doing something that I know you love so much. At least you’re able to recognize that it wouldn’t right for her though. You sound like a good brother to have https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif
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Hehe thank ya sissy. The sad thing is I think she would be very good at it too!! She was picking up the things I was showing her very quickly. But all the while she was talkin about what video she wanted to do for this guy, and what video she wanted to do for that guy, and what she was gonna send on her phone to this guy…which is her business. She is entitled to do whatever she wants. But she was so loud and tacky with it and her kids were in ear shot. I was trying to set an example to them to show the positive aspects of pole fitness and here she is highlighting the stereotype https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif Bless her heart. I love her but she is not ready for it. I can see her falling into a bad element.
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SissyBuns,
The only way to end the stigma against pole dancing is to educate people. Perhaps you could show some of your daughter’s friends (the open minded ones) the non sexy side of poling, ie the impressive tricks and gracefullness. I’ve shown those kinds of videos to coworkers and most have stopped blushing when I talk about my pole, though many roll their eyes.
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SissyBuns,
The only way to end the stigma against pole dancing is to educate people. Perhaps you could show some of your daughter’s friends (the open minded ones) the non sexy side of poling, ie the impressive tricks and gracefullness. I’ve shown those kinds of videos to coworkers and most have stopped blushing when I talk about my pole, though many roll their eyes.
I’d gladly educate her friends but I don’t think it’s my place to expose other peoples children to pole fitness because of the stigma that comes with it. The last thing I want is for some parent to call me bitching because I was swinging on a pole in front of their young impressionable daughter LOL.
I think I’ll hold off on that unless it’s parents that I’ve met and that I don’t think would object https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
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This is such a tough one for someone with older kids. My 4 are all still under the age of 8 so all of their friends are too. I have one of my poles set up in our living room and its the first thing people see when they walk in the door. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_geek.gif Its not my intention to have it so "in your face" but that is where it fits best in our home. Our neighbors kids have all been in our house and even played on the pole, their parents don’t care. I was very worried about them seeing it because even though we are in CA, my area is not totally cool with the "anything goes" mentality people think CA is know for. I’m pretty sure one dad is still trying to figure out if I was or still am a "stripper". I say stripper because I do on occasion think of myself as an exotic dancer. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif stripper I am not!
I do think its important to be who you are, and if you like to dance on a pole, well then trying to hide it is a disservice to yourself and who you really are. I feel like if we hide it in our bedrooms or where ever, then it seems like it is a deviant thing to do. Like that sex dungeon https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_batman.gif we all have hidden behind a trap door in our basements… https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif JUST KIDDING. I don’t think we should go around showing our older children’s friends pole moves, just like I would go hop on my weight bench and start showing them weight training techniques when they see that big weight rack and ask about it. I tell them what I use it for and thats that. But the more people who choose to talk about pole the better. If kids are giving other kids a hard time about it they could show them some vids of pole that are non sexual….but I’m guessing they may have already seen plenty of "sexy" pole vids on You Tube already, so I don’t know that showing them vids would be helpful. I tell everyone, my pole is just a piece of exercise equipment and its a great why to express myself. Porno’s are made with video cameras….does that mean everyone with a video cam is a porn maker? https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif I love to dance sexy but its annoying that everyone thinks your kinking if you have a dance pole. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif
I’m just glad my kids aren’t that old yet, I will cross that bridge when I get there. So at this point I pole dance and I’m proud of it! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_geek.gif
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I’m never one for using kids to further my own crusade. So I would hesitate to try to use my stepkid and her friends as an opportunity to explain about pole and pole fitness. Rather, I’d go with her comfort level, my comfort level, and the tone in the community. It’s one thing for me to take on any hassles; it’s another to put a kid in the middle of it.
Which is to say that I think I’d take the pole down if her friends were coming over, or move it to another location, and just explain that, while pole is a perfectly great thing to do, the sport is still misunderstood. If the kids are old enough to understand, I’d explain the situation exactly – that it has sexual overtones relating to strip clubs and that people judge it harshly as a result.
Then again, her mom loves that I pole and all the neighbors here are used to the idea, so I would likely leave it up and just call it a climbing pole or vertical monkey bars.
It is tricky, though, isn’t it? It’s such a weird Scarlet Letter feeling …
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LOL Veena! Sex dungeon… sounds like fun to me https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
Most of my friends know about the pole but I’m not sure about my family… my dad and uncle just added me on Facebook yesterday, where my default pic right now is me doing a butterfly… https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif Oh boy.
I’m sure I’ve told this story somewhere, but when my pole was delivered it went to my mom’s house next door. I’m in a hayfield behind her house and at the time, delivery trucks couldn’t get here. My mom got home early that day, about half an hour before the truck pulled in. This was my 2nd pole and she knew about the first one but refused to talk about it. I got there just as she was helping the guy take it off the truck. He told my mom he thought it was some kind of "swing" (as in, *wink wink* swing). So now my mom thought we had a pole now we had a "swing", too! She proceeded to tell me I was going to be a bad influence on our daughter because we’re going to have a bedroom full of kinky sex toys and props. She was just as disgusted when I told her it was a new pole… she didn’t understand why I "wasted my money" on buying another (or either one of them ,really).
I tried to take the opportunity to show her some videos on YouTube but she reacted like the videos would put some strange "sex" virus on her computer, and so did my sister (the one with a ton of piercings, is a big party girl, etc. and who I thought would be more open-minded…). I ended up storming out the door as soon as my husband came up the driveway to help me carry it home. My mom still won’t talk to me about it.
My daughter is only 19 months old so the challenge that Sissy is facing hasn’t presented itself yet. Right now the challenge is my husband, because when she runs up to the pole and doesn’t the "run around spin" https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif. he gets all uncomfortable because our little toddler is playing on a stripper pole. He’s aware that he’s being a little stupid about it, so he’ll get there one of these days.
But Sissy it sounds like you’re doing the right thing for now. Just feel them all out maybe, and perhaps you’ll get your chance to prove yourself (and poling) in the future anyway. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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