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“Just the way they are…”
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Idk, apparently we all have very different encounters w/ rude people or it works differently for different people. I go w/ what has worked for me.
It seems that telling people off or just making sure they know I’m not going to lay down and play dead everytime they start shit has been better for my psyche than the whole “pretend it doesn’t bother you”, “just ignore them”, “don’t waste your breath” approach. Been there, done that. Either I’m just plain doing it wrong or my mind lacks the dilligaf mechanism you all seem to have. Count yourselves very fortunate that it works for you, my inner peace seems to come only after some outward expression or it will build up and explode. My “let it go” does not exist without some sort of action.
Pole helps this, I am happy to say, but in a setting where I know I should call it like I see it I often take the opportunity because it’s direct and quicker.
Exhibit A: Chick constantly has a chip on her shoulder because she has zero patience for anyone outside her clique. She pushes the boundaries to see how nasty she can be. I tell her, flat out, “Don’t look at me in that tone unless you’re prepared to hear it. You got something to say?” Her eyes bug out of her head, she stammers, and then takes a step back. Avoids me from that point on and I no longer have eyes burning a hole in my back everyday. Life just got easier despite the adrenaline rush I inevitably need to recover from afterward. I’d rather feel a bit ill for a day rather than every single day trying to pretend I don’t notice or care.
Exhibit B: Loud, obnoxious douche who thinks and speaks highly of himself, but insults everyone else daily. He is particularly homophobic and obviously sexually frustrated because no women are quite as charmed by him as he is w/ himself. One day, I tell him so. I do so in a way that is as public as all his prior insults, but considerably more calm and honest. He spouts off a bunch of inaccurate observations about me, I laugh, he storms off. The next day he puts in his two-week notice, he is placed on a shift opposite of me, and I never see or hear from him again.
Exhibit C: I am new to a job. I say “Hello.” to one of my new co-workers, they ignore me. I continue to say “Hello.” just to see if the response will change. It doesn’t. While walking w/ another co-worker in the hall, we come upon the one that ignores me everyday. In mid- conversation, I work in: “…and there’s that guy who can’t see or hear me because he’s too HIGH!” This jolts the red-eyed jackass, quite possibly because he is genuinely baked and now quite paranoid. He acknowledges me from that day on.
These are just a few examples of how my reactivity has benefited me. It doesn’t always go quite so smoothly, it really is not how I like to behave, but it is a way to cope that often has given me more positive results than doing the “ignore them and they go away eventually” or “karma” approach.
Like I said, maybe I’m doing it wrong.
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