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Is anyone else here asexual?
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WOW! This is a fascinating topic. I 'd love to hear the perspective of other men…or from any men who would identify themselves as "asexual." Actually, I always thought of my very first supervisor that way. Mr. H was a really low key guy…inhis late 40's, lived with his mom, smoked a pipe only in his car onthe way home fromwork…and had fishing as his only hobby. He never married, never spoke of a girlfriend, never joked, talked, or looked at women in "that way" EVER..not once in my presence at least. Nothing about him would have made you think he was gay either…he just seemed "not interested." Period.
Ihave to admit I can only appreciate asexuality as a kind of abstraction. To me, being obsessed with women, the way they look, their company, and sexuality has been pretty much a central feature of my identity and I can't see it otherwise. Everything about women is fascinating to me and I love being with them and around them! I do remember the years before adolescense somewhat…but even then, girls were fascinating to me and I was always chasing after the ones with long hair just to pull on it and feel their hair.. LOL, sorry…that sounds kind of pervy, I guess…but it's true. I'm a happily and faithfully married guy, but I would be lying if I didn't admit I love flirting and "playing" for the attention of the ladies…it's almost like amachine I cannot turnoff, even though I am not really any good at it!
I guess I believe that these things are mostly hard-wired into us from birth…essentially the reason why I reject homophobia and discrimination against gay people. There may be some range of orientation that is tilted a little one way or the other by life experiences…but the basic sexual tempermeant seems pretty much fixed from birth in my opinion.
/Joel Lessing "Poledancefan"
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I wouldn't go as far as to call myself asexual, but I do have a very low sex drive. Like Polecat88 said above me, when my husband and I have sex it's almost entirely for his benefit, I find I have a lot of trouble "getting into it" and sort of have to convince myself to enjoy it (or just grin and bear it). If I were single, I would probably be asexual/autosexual. I honestly feel like I could easily be celibate and sexless for long periods of time without suffering or feeling deprived. Sometimes I forget what it feels like to be horny! :blush:
That said, therapy has revealed to me that it's possible my current asexuality is reflective of some deeper issues in my marriage :-\ so I hesitate to say it's a permanent or automatic orientation for me. But I can certainly empathize with other women who don't really enjoy sex.
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Wow. I didn't even know there was a name for the way that I feel, never mind the fact that there are other people out there who feel mostly the same. 🙂 I've never been with or been interested in men, but I do occasionally crush on women. I also occasionally take matters into my own hands, as it were, usually depending on where I am in my cycle. But, yeah, not a big topic in my life.
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Yes, fascinating. I didn't want it to work out this way, but, perhaps someone can tell me if I am legitimately asexual, or just in a rut.
I loved sex, until my boyfriend stopped kissing me. He said it wasn't me, I was a good kisser, he couldn't explain it but he just didn't want to kiss. I dealt with it for as long as I could. We had sex less and less until we finally broke up.
I loved sex but I can not imagine having sex with anyone but him and so I haven't and I have no desire to.
I'm 44, on the pill, have plenty of male and female friends, some of whom are quite attractive and interested in sex with me. I used to be so sexual but I just don't want it at all anymore. It's been many months.
Can I call myself asexual?
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Sounds like you want sex for the love aspect, which is where the kissing comes in. Without the kissing it doesn't mean much. I think you just need to find someone to love you back in order to want some intimacy with them. I wouldn't call that asexual. I personally think it is normal.
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yup, me too 🙂
you seem a tad different though, but aren't we all 🙂
i don't like kissing or sex or anything like that
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My husband is asexual (well auto…no blush, masturbation is wonderful), and I was for close to a decade.
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Thanks for posting this topic! It's so interesting to me, and it's why I think it's silly when highly sexual people (or just averagely sexual people) claim other people are repressed or prudish or unnatural if they are not into the whole sexy thing. The pole community in general is definitely in touch with their sexy(which is refreshing compared to how I was brought up), but I think it's kind of naive, possibly even inconsiderate to assume that other people have a problem if they're not. Even if a person is not asexual they just may not want to share that aspect of themselves with the performer up on stage or a colleague at work or even their friend at a party. I think this is evident in society. Wherever you look there is a code of conduct, with a different levels of appropriateness. You probably would be thought of as inconsiderate if you pranced around in a gogo outfit at your local park, but totally embraced at Burning Man. So yeah, I'm grateful for places like studioveena where I feel okay letting loose, but I'm also understanding of societal boundaries.
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