Forums Discussions In and Out of love

  • In and Out of love

    Posted by Runemist34 on March 26, 2010 at 4:49 am

    Hey guys,
    So, you may have noticed that I come and go. When I get all excited about the pole, I’m here all the time…and when I’m not, I’m not here much, more of a lurker than anything.
    This has been my problem since the beginning. It’s a problem I’ve had with a lot of my creative and crafting efforts. My interest waxes and wanes, usually as the seasons change. Winter time I’ll be tired and lazy, and end up writing and reading more, playing more video games. As the spring goes through I get active, this last time picking up the pole with a vengeance, as well as Poi again. Summer…is a strange time. I suddenly get the urge to play World of Warcraft again, and be one of those cave-nerds that communicate by always typing "/action" and sleeping in 30 second intervals while I’ve got the game running. Fall tends to be a lot like spring.
    This does not help me progress in anything I want to do, especially physical! I’ve been pole dancing for about 2-3 years now, and I’ve only just started to invert! I’m weak and sad, unable to keep up, and I get down on myself about it. My interests don’t stay around long enough for me to get to the "good stuff" that I really want to do when they first become interests. I’m getting much better at managing my time, but this one is…hard.
    My main issue is the dancing. It requires strength that I want to have, practice that I have time for, but I end up having no interest much of the time. I don’t feel inspired, I don’t dance. I stop dancing for a week or two, I end up falling out of the habit, getting weaker, and feeling sad because I’m not as active as I’d like. Thus, the downward spiral.
    So, what do you guys suggest? How can I renew my love for pole dancing when I feel uninspired and lazy? How can I get back on the pole when I can’t find any good music, or I just don’t want to do it, or whatever? Do you guys go through this? Are there any rituals you have for changing this habit? Might it possibly be good to make it a constant thing…such as setting aside the same time every couple of days to do it?
    Thanks in advance for the help! I really want to beat this thing!

    Buterflii replied 14 years, 3 months ago 12 Members · 20 Replies
  • 20 Replies
  • Danielle Tillie

    March 26, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Well I definitely have to deal with this… haven’t had the chance to with pole yet but I do with my horn playing, that’s for sure. I’ve come to find out that a practice schedule and conviction helps a lot. I know it’s been said before, but it really does work to simply have some sort of structure. For example, I make sure to pole at least once a week. This isn’t exactly a rigorous poling schedule, but it’s all I have the time for, unfortunately. I have done it twice and three times in a week though, so it’s not always sparse.

    Another good thing to try is a pole journal. I keep both a paper pole journal and video diary. The video diary consists of all of my practice videos, and the paper journal is where I will write what tricks I worked on, including notes on how they felt. Then I will already make some sort of decision on what I will specifically try to work on in the next practice session. This kind of pre-planning makes the next practice more exciting to me. There I sit, sweaty, red in the face, stretching my legs for the middle splits, and yet I am writing and planning ahead in terms of my progress. Then during the days that I don’t practice I will usually "research" the plans I made by watching videos with specific tricks and spins, absorbing Veena’s lessons, forums, youtube, etc. Watching others do that beautiful trick makes me want to get back on the pole and do it too!

    I hope any of this is helpful. Stick with it and see what you can accomplish!

  • polergirl

    March 26, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    I am 100% geeked out over pole, always, but I have experienced what you’re talking about with riding (horses). I wax and wane on that, even though I love it dearly. What helps me is to make a schedule and STICK TO IT. I set a few goals for myself and for the horse I’m riding–maybe it’s getting a trot half-pass down pat, or maybe it’s just getting them to unlock that poll for me. Goals keep me on the straight and narrow and in the saddle. I’ve also found that, on the days where I’m feeling really "meh" about riding, if I just get out and do it, I’m always glad I did. I do a lot of catch riding–meaning, I keep other peoples’ horses in shape so that when they go to ride, they have a willing, supple, controllable horse, so the responsibility factor weighs heavily at times, too. Those owners depend on me, and I don’t want someone getting tossed because I was feeling uninspired the day before.

    One other thought: is there any one song that always gets your toes a’tapping, no matter your mood? If so, put that on and dance to it. Just for fun. Try to reawaken the FUN aspects of pole, and don’t worry about anything. Just move your body.

    You can do it!! I always look forward to your posts, and having seen your dance in action on video, I can tell you I’d love to see more!!

  • Runemist34

    March 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Thanks guys! I’ve been told that a proper schedule would be very good for me, and considering I’m in school, you’d think I could get one down! Work shall be starting soon, though, so I’m hopeful that perhaps they’ll give me something *slightly* the same every week, and I can do my thing at the same time every day. Either that, or I’ll have to continue the horrible tradition of waking up every day at 6am. *shudder*
    I’ve always found it encouraging to find other people who are interested in the same things I am, and not necessarily at the same skill level. It’s always good to have people who’ve already gotten a move down or can help you diagnose an issue…I just don’t have anyone around my…well, in the whole town, anyways! No people I can relate to, here. That’s why I stick with this place!
    I think perhaps I’ll try to make myself a schedule again, just for the next couple of weeks (the last weeks of school!) and try to kick my own butt to do it. And make more videos and such!

  • Solya

    March 26, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    I think they key thing here is motivation, and loads of it. Sometimes, when I struggle with a move, I just want to give up and stop poling because I think I’ll never be as strong and graceful as the extremely talented ladies out there. But then I watch some Youtube vids I found very inspring and that totally brings back the frenzy for me. I’m desperate to get better and just keep on practicing.

    Setting new aims for yourself and believing that you can achieve them helps a lot. You can’t approach pole like ‘I know I’m not strong enough, I’ll never be as good etc etc’ – I think the right approach is that yes, I’ll get to USPDF It might be far-fetched, but the prospect of improving, nailing new moves and being happy about them is wonderfully motivating in pole. When you feel you’re losing interest, just try to remember the rush you get from getting a new move or from watching your vids and being proud of yourself!

  • Runemist34

    March 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    That’s so true, Solya, I have a lack of motivation a lot. I used to have depression in spades, so I suppose the habits still get me sometimes. I’ve been getting better (especially after starting pole dancing regularly, because more exercise is great) but, yes, I keep looking at it like "I’ll never get it…I won’t look as good as ____…I suck."
    I think having goals is a big thing, too. Attainable, little goals, as well as cool, big goals (I wish there was a Canadian PDF!) like getting that awesome move, or something!
    I’ve started the schedule again, see how it goes. Just writing things down seem to help

  • Mindy4pole

    March 27, 2010 at 5:44 am

    I hear you on the cycles thing. I have dabbled in so many different art/craft things. I cycle with my major obsessions, too, but those tend to be longer. I’ve found myself struggling w/ pole disinterest sometimes, and it really helps me to find something to challenge me. So, right now I’m doing "back-to-basics". I’m trying to understand the underlying forces in the moves I already know. That gives me something to focus my attention, and allow my obsession to run wild.

    One thing I would suggest, though, is embrace your seasons! Every time you come back to poling, you aren’t starting over. You body remembers, even if your progress isn’t as fast as you want.

    Trying to work against your natural inclinations is a lot of effort, and you are fairly likely to fail. Instead, look at what result you want, and use your "weaknesses" to get there. I have a bit of a rebellious streak, so I’ve learned to make myself rules that help me when I break them. So, I’ll say to myself — "you are only allowed to pole for 20 minutes today." Then, if I do my 20 minutes and want to stop, I met my goal. But if I’m feeling a bit naughty, I end up doing the "just one more song" routine, and I end up poling for an hour!


  • Runemist34

    March 27, 2010 at 6:19 am

    Hehe, Mindy, I like that! 20 minutes turns into an hour when you rebel, instead of saying "I want to pole for an hour!" I think that might work for me, too!
    I have noticed (I just did a session this evening) that a lot of it has to do with music. I mean, I have some stuff that fits for certain moods, but it’s hard for me to find things that I want all the time! I’m going to have to go out and peruse the "Pole Music" forum, so I can get some more ideas.
    Also, I realized that, often when I feel like I want to pole, I don’t, because there are people around. I think that once I move (the end of april!) I’ll actually have a hobbies room where I can put my pole, and no one else can watch me if I don’t want them to!

    I’ll have to try your trick, though Mindy! I like it!

  • miss fern

    March 27, 2010 at 8:16 am

    If you can afford it I’d suggest lessons.

    I have never ever been able to stick to any hobby, activity or passion by self-discipline alone. I did 6 months of pole classes before getting my own pole, and since then motivation has never been a problem. Because by that point the "good stuff" looked and felt achievable so I didn’t get down in the dumps about lack of progress.

    That is the only advice I can give because it is the only thing that works for me. Book yourself in for an 8 week course or something. At minimum. If money is an issue, but pole is still really important to you, see what else you can forfeit to save up the costs. Or just whack it on your credit card and deal with it later!

  • x Sakura x

    March 27, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Hello my lovely
    This has been an issue for me with the pole before, in fact I only just got out of it when I found this website.
    I don’t know if this will work for you if don’t like others watching but I find the biggest thing that fuels my motivation is being able to share what I do with others.
    I really liked the class environment because we’re all sharing the obsession and helping each other but lately that hadn’t really been helping as we were doing a lot of moves that we all really struggled with and we all got a bit down. In the early days I used to pole like every day but can’t have the pole up as often any more as some of my mums friends don’t approve (I know!) so to avoid confrontation she doesn’t want it up all the time in case they come round and get pissy. In conclusion, the lack of practice and my struggles dampened my love of my pole
    Lucky for me I found some lovely girlies at my work I can pole with and we just started meeting up to jam together. I’ve started inviting my non pole friends to mine to jam together as well which is a great laugh! I find that meeting up with others makes me try harder. Also if you’re teaching others some moves it makes you think more about what you’re doing, I don’t know if that’s just me though. It might also be nice because then you’ll have some other people in your area! SHARE THE OBSESSION
    I also think if you have somewhere you could have it up all the time you’re more likely to go on it! I had mine up for a few weeks in my room. It’s too small in here to do any big tricks, but I’d get up in the morning and randomly do a pull up or an invert and before you know it you’ve built up muscles without even realising!…may have to do that again…lol
    Hope it’s helpful, kind of started rambling there lol
    I think the main thing to remember though is not to beat yourself up over anything. That just makes you feel down. Instead remember how much you want it, and it will be good motivation for practicing new moves.
    Goodluck hun x

  • Runemist34

    March 27, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Thanks ladies! Unfortunately classes (and sharing my love of pole) around here is hard. Most of the people who pole dance and are my age are…well, previous friends that I feel out with. One of them also teaches some of the classes here. Classes are also terribly expensive and not quite my thing for style.
    However, I think more sharing here would be good! If I make more videos and put them up, then I can feel a lot more like I’m improving.
    Also, the pole journal has helped. Just a little bit…I’m not really good at that kind of thing, never done it before, but I think it’s getting better! I also want my husband to take pictures of me, so I can show you guys and put them up on my profile!
    However, if I can get into lessons again…maybe I’ll try it. See how it goes

  • monica kay

    March 28, 2010 at 3:51 am
  • Solya

    March 28, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Yeah I can’t wait to see your vids too! The others are right, you need a place to share the obsession, if you can’t go to classes, SV is always here, and Youtube vids and whatever else. You could also try finding pole friends in your area and have pole jams perhaps?

    I know what you mean about depression, it’s easy to lose motivation when you’re in a bad period. I tend to turn it around and work harder on the pole so I have some success with new moves – it gives such a boost to your self-confidence. I tend to keep pole away from the rest of my life, I want it to be ‘mine’ – a place with lots of fun, success and lovely people around, where you can go when everything else goes wrong

    Good luck and keep poling!

  • x Sakura x

    March 28, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Good idea my love. This is a wonderful place to share and it’s definately helping to fuel my motivation!
    I can’t wait to see your next video

  • moonflower

    March 30, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    Maybe it’s the changing Canadian weather or something in the air, but I’ve been having a bit of pole apathy too. Last weekend, I had sunday ALL TO MYSELF and I didn’t get on the pole.*GASP* Instead I updated all my sewing patterns, then cleaned all my animal cages, then watched a bunch of youtube…anything but pole. Yesterday, I tried to pole but I gave up after the pole not warming up properly. I actually came onto SV to ask if anyone had ideas to spice up my pole practices, glad to see a thread already started.

    This lack of interest after almost 1.5 years of my tempestuous love affair with pole is a little frightening. Just 2 months ago, it was torture to miss even one day of pole and now I rather clean chinchilla poop.

  • Veena

    March 30, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    I am one of those who falls in and out of love too! Happens with everything I ever do Knitting, Horse back riding, Figure Skating, Drawing, playing Musical Instruments, Rollerblading the list goes on…..So far not pole. I feel your frustration and I am a bit worried myself. I can relate to you at the moment Runemist. Today was my first day back on the pole after 19 days of mourning my sis and recovering from sickness… was not a good practice….anyway, I just wanted to let your know, I’m sorry your feeling this way, it sucks and I understand!

    The down side of pole is that it does require strength in order to progress, but if your happy just dancing now and then, there is nothing wrong with that either. Just stick with the basics so as not to injure yourself. Not every pole dancer HAS to invert to have fun. Now on the other hand…if your goal is to become a Pro pole dancer, then you’ll have to stick with some type of training schedule.

    Here are my tips for motivation.

    -Set a goal…..Keep it attainable and specific. Don’t say "I wanna dance like Felix some day"

    -Keep a log. (like others suggested)

    -Hang a pole picture someplace where you’ll see it EVERYDAY and often.

    -Give yourself a reward for sticking to your goal.

    -Set up some pole time with a friend! The chat room is always open here for members to meet. If you have someone else who is counting on you to be there it can help you stick with it.

    Also, its OK to only LIKE pole, maybe if you give yourself some time you’ll end up falling in LOVE with pole dance again.

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