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Do you tell other people that you pole dance?
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I told every one from the beginning, and was open about when I started my studio. I have received many "threats" and angry words on FB from "fundamentalist christians" who are friends with my BF, and I try very hard to ignore them. I have given up trying to educate them as some people are too stubborn to change their mind.
I thought I had the support of my mother, but I only recently found out after years of poling and more recently teaching, that she really wasn't that happy with it. It didn't help that my aunt had been making comments and twisting FB status' and my mom never contacted me about it.
So I sat her down one day and showed her videos from the 2010 world champs, also pointing out moves I can do etc. I think it gave her a better idea that I'm not stripping and it is more fitness, but i don't think she will ever be comfortable because I left it so long to show her. My dad is great, ignores the actual poling, but discusses business quite happily with me all the time.
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I tell everyone, my whole family knows, all of my friends, my Fiance's friends. I feel if I don't make a big deal about it then it won't seem like a big deal. My Fiance is very open about it too and he is the first to stop someone in their tracks to explain why I do it, what I do and how proud he is.
I have only ever had two issues. The first being my Dad, he has issues with remembering the correct terms and names so has on a number of occasions proudly announced his daughter is a lap dancer! I don't mind, it is another 'Dad' moment. The second was a woman who was being very derogatory because she was older than me and surrounded by her friends so thought she could get away with it. Oh how wrong was she…!
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I have no problems telling people that I pole dance and teach pole dance.
I'm pretty thick skinned though, and I'm kinda used to negative comments since I work as a state licensed and nationally certified massage therapist. I've had people refer to me as a "masseuse", say that I work at a "massage parlor", that I "rub naked people all day", etc etc.. if it sounds dirty and crass someone has said it to me. (Now add in the facts that I am half asian and also a pole dancer lol).
It's really all about educating people. I explain in no uncertain details what I really do for a living, how much education, time and xperience it involves. I've always had pretty good feedback after taking a moment to explain. And for the ones who still talk smack, I tell them I lost 20lbs poledancing and that seems to stun and shut them up. And I also blurt out 10 min of enthusiastic babble so that seems to interest them too, and at least get them to ask some real questions.
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what a great thread..well actually being the mom maybe can bring a mom's point of view into this. My 26 year old daughte actually was an exotic dancer and from her descriptions it wasn't completely nude..but i am sure she had to grind on some laps here and there. Although she had fun..i wasn't that crazy about it…but she liked it and it paid her bills. Mostly i felt bad for her because she had to take so much crap for it..and it did bring her down…she is a much better person than that and i hated when she told me how people treated her at times…well, she got interested in pole dancing and sent me some links to Veena's videos on youtube and i was totally entranced and became hooked on the idea…i have been a non paying member on this forum for a year or so…but finally i took the plunge and bought year membership and my pole….sooo soon i will a poler too!
I have to laugh when my daughter tells me of her stories of getting help to install her pole in her living room and reactions she gets from people when they see it…
today..i posted a link on facebook of Veena dancing with her children…seriously the cutest video i have ever seen…and also broke it to my FB world that i was interested in poling and prefacing it with i know how it can have a stigma..OMG! the postive reactions were amazing..i had so many girlfriends that want to do it, have been doing it and can't wait til i get my pole up so they can come work out with me…
so the moral to the story is…hang in there…you girls in your 20's..really in the end it doesn't matter what any one thinks..and fortunately as you grow older..i am now 45…you really just don't care any more..and life gets more and more fun..and you get crazier and want to try all the things that you either wanted to and never got around to…or the things you were too chicken to try to do..haha! So have fun..this is a part of who you are..and bllllll to all those naysayers and humbuggers..so go out and have some fun…and i am sooo excited about this! I can't wait until my daughter hears that in got a pole too….the only thing..is how do i break this to my husband?…hhhmmm he was supportive of my bellydancing..so i am pretty sure he will just laugh about this one too!https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif
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I don't care who knows….though I must admit I do feel a *little* uncomfortable sometimes about catching public transport when I'm wearing a singlet and shorts which have "poledancer" written in sparkly writing across them! But then, other times, I just don't care and am proud of what I do.
I never told my Dad, but did tell my Mum. I was a bit hesitant about telling her at first, but she was totally OK about it – she tells *everyone* that I pole dance! She even helped me put my pole up in my lounge room!
Possibly I'm more comfortable with the whole thing 'cos I'm that much older than probably most people who pole dance….I was a late starter, should've done it a few years ago when I first heard about it. I'm 55, and have been pole dancing for nearly a year. I'm older than the Mums of several instructors I know 😉 Wish it had been around when I was in my 20's!
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Ive always been completely open and honest about my love for pole-dancing as a hobby and possibly future career. And people have usually respected and shown polite interest in this. However I have to admit it does effect how some people percieve you, depending on their own preconceptions of pole-dancing. Boys in particular have seen me with new eyes… they are always quick to try n get a free pole performance out of me, or take the party back to my place in the hopes things might get a bit raunchy… I used to enjoy the attention, but now I prefer for guys to show n interest in me thats unrelated to the fact that Im a pole dancer.
Stripping was a whole other issue to unravel. I always thought "what they dont know wont hurt them" etc, so I kept my parents in the dark for as long as possible. Plus, who wants to go throught that awkwardness? But eventually I had to tell them, I hated concealing the truth all the time… the deception actually lent some kind of guilt to the whole activity, which I didnt want so…
They were very accepting and were actually pleased and surprised that I had willingly told them. I think they were chuffed that I felt I could be honest and open with them… anyway, it has led to some embaressing and awkward moments, especially when some derogatory remark or perspective about the industry is voiced in our vicinity or is shown on tv…
What I leanrt from this dilemma of telling or not telling them, is that mainly, its your life. Of course parents have a huge role in our lives and no one wants drama or dissapointment between them, its not fair that you feel guilty or torn because of something that gives you pleasure. I think the stigma comes from pole-dancing for money, exploiting yur body, b lah blah blah. Personally I think the stigma is ridiculous and just results from society's conservative and hypocritical hang-ups about sex and the human body. But, in your case, youve got nothign to worry about. You arent doing it for money like I was, you are doing it for fitness and as a creative outlet. SO I would push the perspective that its just another form of dance, that its artistic and challenging and inspirational. If you show them how much it menas to you, if they are only thinking of what makes you happy, then they can only accept it and respect you right to make your own choices in life.
I dont think its a bad idea to show them some footage of pole-proffessionals. Its amazing how many people are compeltely ignorant of the strength and skill required to be a pole dancer. So educate them.
Good luck, and remember, put yourself first! Its your life! 🙂 xox
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Everyone in my life knows. Hell, I brag about it all the time! I've had classmates go "YOU do WHAT?" as if I'm some kind of innocent. I've been married for two years! Goodness Oo;
Most people around here, surprisingly, don't really equate pole dance and stripping. It's funny, because I always say my town is full of truck-driving MANLY MEN, and their wives. It's a very…interesting topic for me. I love having people over and saying "Yep, that's my pole!"
I don't care if people refer to it as Pole dancing, or hearing "stripper pole," because that's what people understand these things as. However, they also understand that I'm not gettin' naked, and even if I was, it doesn't matter! I'm not showing them, I'm not in a club, and my husband is the only one that gets to see…and very rarely, I might add.
On the flip side, it's not that I don't understand. I rarely talk about my burlesque adventures. I'm very…cautious about who gets to know about that stuff. Burlesque actually involves gettin' naked in front of people, and a lot of people have some CRAZAY ideas as to what it is, so I'm loathe to think what others might think of me because of that.
As for your situation, Hollysatine, I think perhaps you could talk to your mum about it? Tell her how it makes you feel to be keeping this from your dad, and perhaps talk about what she's afraid of. It seems to be important to both of you, so I think it would probably be beneficial.https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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I have told a lot of people about my interest in pole. It does make me upset that I have to keep that information from a lot of people though. I have 2 teenage boys, and I am sure most of their friends know that I pole. I have pole pics on my facebook page and a lot of the kids are friends of mind on facebook so they can grab sports photos of mine, but I would feel for my kids if it was known by the wider school community. A friend of mine sort of 'caught me' and hushed me up as she was worried that I'd let the cat out of the bag in front of her husband one night. But people I do tell act like they understand. There's been quite a bit on television over here and it is becoming more accepted as a form of fitness. That;s pretty much why I started my website, we all deserve to be proud of what we do for fun and fitness, and I'm all about getting it out there and educating people. I do feel for you girls, I am not sure, but it does seem like there is a very conservative 'bible belt' area in the southern states that will be a very difficult nut to crack. Am I right about that guess?
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I do tell people that I pole dance…and the uspdf calls it 'sensual athletic dance' so I am ok that it is considered a form of dance. Kind of like an aerobics dance class…you dont just say "Oh I do aerobics" if there is salsa and cumbia moves like in Zumba. I do not get offended when my husband may tell his friends that I pole dance-and they turn around and ask 'Well, do you give those private dances?" I have to laugh and I get an opportunity to enlighten them…they always say "NO disrepect ma'am! I didn't understand the difference!"
I compliled a few really good articles on my website about this very topic
http://www.learn-pole-dancing.com/pole-dancing-articles.html
Check them out
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My immediate family and half my friends/cousins know. I’m pretty open about it. Girls are always like, omg teach me! And guys are always joking about saying show me! Whenever someone comes over, they always take a spin or 2. Its becoming more acceptable and it’s a respectable hard sport to do. Then depending on who it is, espec at work places, I would sometimes say “exercise class.” Use your discretion.
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Sadly I don’t tell people I pole. The only people who know are my boyfriend, mom, and sister, but I don’t think my mom and sister understand how crazy pole dance is!
I’ve only been poling a few months, so there is still plenty of time to gain confidence to share…I’m thinking I’ll become more open when I become more advanced, so I can blow all the skeptics away!
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Thanks for the support everybody! I really appreciate reading all of your stories and responses. I do have an update – this weekend I visited my parents and I came prepared with a video I filmed of a bunch of stuff I've been working on. I showed my mom and she thought it was really cool since it was the first she's seen of anything I've done, and we started talking about telling my dad. The verdict is that we will tell him eventually, although my mom wants to wait for the right timing since a lot of stuff is going on in our family right now. But at least it won't be a forbidden subject anymore! So I am happy. 🙂
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Everyone knows – friends, family etc and honestly I get more grief over my aerial yoga hammock in my living room – everyone is convinced it's a sex swing https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_surprised.gif. My boss is also very funny about my tissu adventures…he doesn't blink about the pole stuff but is convinced I am crazy to do tissu…he seems convinced I am going to come into work in a full body cast…or quit and join the circus. I am a tv exec and while it's very corporate it's also much more open to this kinda stuff. I actually find it's safer to "own" it as well…it's not a secret so I haven't branded it as a bad thing ya know – transparency works in my favor. Plus at work everyone already see's me as the crazy surfing, skydiving, indy, punky, rocker, black chick so they expect it from me – which is cool it actually makes my life hella easier…I can live with that https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
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What I find is where I tell people that I pole makes a big difference.
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Yeah I totally do,atlest to my family,my husband and kids know it and are ok with it,I even do some really sexy pole dance for them and they love it. Its really fun.
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