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Considering Working in a Strip Club
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I haven’t read this whole thread, but I can reply with some experience on your post. When I started dancing we were in Wichita, Kansas and I didn’t know anyone at all. My daughter had just turned a year old and I was being a good wife and following another one of my now ex-husband’s ideas. At any rate, we had run out of money and my little girl needed to eat, I was 20 years old and the only thing I had ever really done was waitress. I had never even touched a pole. At any rate, I got a job (somehow) at a club. Most people were nice and to tell you the truth, I guess I had a different experience. You see, I never felt objectified. I think the only way you can feel that way is if you allow it. Sure, there were guys that I knew only wanted to see my boobs, so what! He was giving me money to see them.
One thing I can say is that dancing did help me realize that I had been battling with low self-esteem, still do, but dancing helped me learn how to handle it. You are NOT worthless, no matter what. That is the first thing that you need to realize. Secondly, guys are guys, they will try to grab you. It is kind of like a 2 year old testing their limits with their mom. But, you Do Not ever have to put up with it, you just have to find your way to handle it. Throw them off guard with words… making a guy think kind of takes the wind right out of their sails and redirects their course.
Dancing can provide you with a good income, however there are pitfalls to be wary of. First off, if you have children, what are you going to tell them? Also, if you are married it can be hard. I met my husband in a club and he said, “I don’t think I will ever ask you to quit, the money is just too good.” I said, “I give it 3 months.” He asked me to quit in 2. Guys have a hard time with other guys looking at their wives naked. Period. It is how they are made. Second off, you will be working in a bar, don’t lose yourself or your goals to the vices that are easily found there. It is easy to just have one drink and the next thing you know you don’t have any money left because you had “just one drink”. Your morals and your limits are your own. Only you know them, but just remember they will be tested if you do this.
And one last point I want to make if you will let me. The dancers that make money have good attitudes. Basically it is sales. If you don’t like people looking at you or touching you, well, this may not be the job for you. You have to be able to be in a good mood, not mind when someone touches you even if they are smelly and they are only giving you a dollar. And by touching I am talking about, on the arm, on the back, on the leg…that sort of thing. You can’t walk around mad or sad or just blah…no one will tip you. The guys that go into the clubs want a fantasy, if they wanted to see someone mad they would probably just go home and irritate their wives. Not saying that this is what you would do, but it is something to think about.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps you. You know, the waitresses in the clubs make awesome money too. Maybe that could be an option. -
Serzi, you are NOT damaged goods lady! seriously, let that thought go. there is nothing wrong with you. let that thought go NOW. And Jenjenn is a f*&king idiot, trying to make us mad.
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There has been such an overwhelming response to this thread, both on it and through personal messages sent to me. For everyone that is telling me their honest opinion without trying to drag me down or devalue what I have to say with comparisons, I thank you.
Ultimately, I know I walk this path alone but it is helpful to stop and ask directions sometimes before I set out down a new one. I never intended for this to result in scolding personal messages mentioning everything from Jesus to how hard other people have it in their lives and that I pretty much should just stfu about my own. That truly is not helping anything and is extremely uncalled for but, hey, my own mistake for posting to an open forum discussion regarding my own struggle to make ends meet. Like I said, my shoes don’t need anymore holes.
I don’t exactly know what I’m going to do, but I think I may try amateur night (with my husband’s blessing, of course) just to see how it goes and so I can stop wondering about it. If nothing else, I do have a job for the time being. It ain’t great, but it’s something and that’s more than I’ve had at times in the past. I don’t want anyone thinking that I believe I’m too good for a specific job, I’ve worked some of the most underpaid and dirty jobs imaginable. I would, however, like to have the basic respect or safety EVERYONE deserves at work. Not the least of which being that it’s not necessary, encouraged, or condoned to grab someone else without consent or consequence or compensation. You can probably see why I’ve considered becoming a stripper, I obviously have something about me that may be a marketable asset and I’d like to be compensated for it on occasion rather that people just helping themselves. I ain’t no damn soup kitchen, although I have worked in one before.
Once again, thanks to all of you who have offered such enlightening opinions and encouragement. I cannot thank you enough. ♥♥♥
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Hi There,
I am sorry for my english, its not my native language, but i thoght this subject is important that i will be afraid to say what i think.
I can understand what you’re going through, it was happening to me also.
But to work as a stripper it’s the easy way …. Well we all like the easy way …
I change my work few times, until i find the one that pay good, and nobudy touch me.
You know we all have some limits in us, for me it was the touching and the way they speak and few more.
Do you really want to be a stripper? Think waht it will do to your limits, what your heart will think, imagine your life as a stripper? And if you 100 percent sure this is the right choice for you do it.
Wish you the best and love
Liat
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I don’t believe stripping is “the easy way”, but it is an option that I consider because it may compensate me better for something I already somewhat deal with while fully clothed in a supposedly “professional work environment” that does not even pay enough to cover all my bills or basic needs. I really don’t look down on strippers for what they do or feel that it would destroy me or whatever the moral excuse may be. My only concern regarding anyone’s personal feelings on the subject would be my husband’s. As far as my own, well, don’t touch the merchandise unless you arrange payment with me in advance. My body is worth far more than minimum wage EVEN AT age 30, I at least have that much self-respect.
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Eh. I do know I have significant issues that I’m starting to believe are irreversible from stripping. I understand you are being touched and what not already but stripping is so much worse! And the touching bothered me a little but it was more so what men tell you, what they compare you to, the evil things they say about your body. There’s a lot to stripping that people can’t see unless you go through it yourself! I do know it destroyed many close relationships I had, I managed to keep boyfriends but it always ended up a problem sooner or later, dealing with horrible two faced women… It’s just not worth it I don’t think unless you literally have nothing left and it’s the last resort. I’m not trying to be mean at all!!! Please, please don’t it that way 🙂 or like I’m trying to make things worse. I do know though that the money is the main reason I stayed for so long. Once you get a taste of that much money, it’s HARD to adjust back to normal life whenever that rolls around. I think if it’s something you want to try out, go for it! But just make sure in your heart it’s what you want to do 🙂 my life is perfect as of now but if shit came crashing down and something happened between my husband and I, you better believe my bootay would go right back to it. I do give it that, it’s a good back up!
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Your thought of “I get objectified anyway, might as well get paid for it” makes complete sense to me and is actually a part of why I work as a stripper myself. I second the warnings about alcohol and other substances – I can confidently say I’m one of the only dancers at my club who doesn’t drink on the job, and I get offered drinks all the time, telling them I’m underage doesn’t deter them from offering to slip me a shot or part of their beer. Whatever your boundaries are, you have to keep them rock-solid, with substances and touch alike, because people will push them.
I feel like you know all that, though, so I would rather warn you about other dancers. As PolieOlie mentioned, there are so many horrible two-faced women that you will be working with. I have been sexually assaulted by other dancers multiple times throughout my time as a stripper. I received a rape threat from another dancer at the first club I worked at. The woman then followed me to the next club I worked at, and there she would do creepy shit like follow me into the dressing room when it was likely to be empty. I left that club because of her, and I am *extremely* lucky to know at least one manager at my current club who actually takes dancer-dancer assault seriously, but I know not every manager does, because I know one other manager who basically gave me a blank stare when I tried to report a dancer who just approached me and grabbed my breasts.
I’m focusing on sexual assault here because that is NEVER talked about, I am literally the only person I know who has ever discussed this issue. I’ve also heard screaming matches in the dressing room, but I feel like that kind of thing is talked about at least a little bit. I know your biggest problem so far has been unwanted touch from men, and I empathize with that very strongly. If you do decide to try working as a stripper, don’t expect the women at the club to be any different (including customers, female customers are often worse than the men when it comes to unwanted touch).
I would also reccomend working at a big club in a big city if that’s possible for you. That way you can utilize your pole skills, get good stage money for that, and therefore spend less time one-on-one with customers, which puts you at greater risk of being touched/grabbed/assaulted.
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Hi! Ex Stripper here. I’m going to be brutally honest about my time dancing. Remember that not every experience will be the same, but from what I’ve heard, I’m not unique in any way.
I don’t regret my time as a dancer. Honestly I felt less sexually objectified while dancing then I do just walking down the street some days. Most of my time dancing was ridiculously fun and exactly like you probably imagine. Men love anything with tits, really. If you can smile and flirt you can make money. Just make them feel special and fun. Most days I felt powerful and sexy. Most of the time I had more money than I knew what to do with (but not always! Remember that you don’t get paid a paycheck, you pay to work – you make what you can sell, and you’re selling yourself).
There are aspects of this job that can really rip you (anyone) into shreds, and you need to seriously consider that. The first day I ever worked, I sold a VIP room to a man who proceeded to try to bully me into sleeping with him (first of many!), and then tried (very brazenly) to stick his fingers in my vagina. He succeeded, by the way. I continued dancing, but it takes something from you. Men will try this every single day you work. I’ve had men pull out their parts while my back was turned, I’ve had men put my nipples IN THERE MOUTHS without so much as a by-your-leave (they seriously tried to do this all the time! GROSS). You will get asked every day for sexual favors, and some are more brazen about it than others. You will get men who grab you without your permission, guaranteed. Men (and women) who treat you like you are NOTHING, dancers included. You can tell management and yes, they will get kicked out, but does that do you any good after it’s happened? Just some things to consider!
Everything that PolieOlie and BabyDragon mentioned is completely right, and it’s solid advice so I won’t go back over it. Except I will say that I’ve kept serious relationships while stripping (we’re still together), and if you are honest with each other it doesn’t have to impede your relationship. I also lost friends over it. It happens. I will leave you with this: if you decide to dance, please don’t do it because you think that you have no other choice. Men can smell this on you – you can’t be vulnerable and be a successful dancer, I firmly believe this. If you want to dance, then do it! I’d go back, still, even with all the crap that can go along with it. But first you need to make sure you take care of yourself mentally and know your boundaries. What will you do for money? You have to seriously ask yourself this question. Know your limits before you start, and stick to them, because when someone tries to push them you need to be strong.
Hope this helps a bit.
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