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Filming your pole sessions and body image — were you shocked the first time you saw yourself!?
Just something I need to get out:
A few days ago I decided to film myself doing a few tricks at the end of my pole session, because I feel terrible that I’ve never even bothered to film or photograph myself, let alone upload any videos to the SV site. Makes me feel like a creeper watching other people’s progress, you know? And I wanted to contribute to the community because I get so much out of other people’s videos.
So anyway, I filmed myself doing some TG handsprings, and was horrified to notice that my FEET are SUUUUPER flexed in midair, and then I like, suddenly become aware of the rest of my body once I get up there and then my toes point super hard. It was unspeakably ugly and I was way too embarrassed to post it. But it totally made me understand that people don’t video themselves because they are vain (which I never thought about others but it made me feel vain and weird to want to be photographed in a pose or to watch myself dancing), but they do it because it’s such a valuable learning tool. It was a huge “eureka” moment for me, and I will definitely start filming EVERYTHING I do in my home pole sessions from now on.
…So then I wondered what my feet looked like when doing more basic moves that I feel more comfortable with, and I decided to film myself doing a reverse grab spin. But I must have put on too much grip aid for the TG handsprings I’d just been doing — because the spin I did (on my static pole…after doing tons of static spins during my pole session) totally ripped the callous off my right hand and left me with a massive piece of…well…ripped-off skin on my hand right where I need to grip the pole. Boooo! Total disaster.
But getting to my main question…
I also was really unhappy with my body when I saw the video. I’m generally pretty body confident and have always been thinner and pretty fit with a very athletic build. I guess I thought I looked better than what I really do! Has anyone else dealt with this? I don’t want to develop an unhealthy obsession with body image, but when I saw my legs in this video I felt so ugly and realized I needed to work much much harder.Specifically, I need to strengthen and tone my hamstrings. My quads and butt looked fine but my hamstrings looked…just WEIRD!!, and my lower legs did not have that graceful dancer look. I was a runner for many years, so I have runner’s legs instead of dancer’s legs, and I already knew that my hamstrings were not strong enough in proportion to my quads because it has led to lumbar disc issues that have already been years in the correcting. But still, I had no idea I looked like that!!! A video camera is clearly different from a mirror.
So rather than being discouraged, I (just now!) ordered Cleo’s Rockin Legs and Abs and plan to work a lot harder on my…well…legs and abs! And fortunately I already own some mighty grip gloves, so ripped skin or not, after taking the last few days off, I think I can still pole! So hopefully I can pull off a video soon that I feel okay enough about to post. So I think I am reacting in a healthy way but I do wonder.
I guess this all brings me to the question of where the line is between (1) being honest with yourself about your shortcomings and working really really hard to improve yourself, and (2) having dysmorphic and unhealthy body image. Do you think polers/dancers suffer from this more than other athletes and why? How do you cope with these issues?
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10 Replies
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Hi PolarGirl,
I TOTALLY AGREE with what you wrote — at least the first part about being surprised by filming yourself and how you felt. I used to feel weird about the idea of filming myself, but I started doing it about a week ago. I do feel guilty about spending a lot of time on this site and not posting pictures and videos of myself, but mostly because I feel self conscious of how I look. So yes, I feel like a creeper, too… I will start uploading stuff soon, I hope… (feeling tiny in chair…)
I actually feel self conscious about my size and when I filmed myself for the first time, I noticed that I couldn’t really see my cellulite and all the little things I usually nit pick about… I felt better than I expected to feel.
There’s another thread about how people photograph themselves. I usually use a tripod and I find that the angle really makes a difference. Yesterday hubby filmed me doing shooting star and cupid and he’s an AWFUL photographer! The angles were weird and got the worst views possible! So don’t be too unhappy with your body – maybe it’s a matter of finding a better angle / different lighting.
Thanks for your post. It’s good to know I’m not alone… And I will try to muster up the courage to post some pics soon. 🙂
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To me, you don’t seem to suffer from BDD.
I think the line between being honest and work on improvement versus being dysmorphic could be where you stop
doing what you like because you don’t like yourself. Or keep doing it but turning to surgery or other “quick fixes” to be able to stand yourself.And apparently you are not about to stop pole dancing just because you have realized that you don’t look
exactly the way you thought you did. You are planning to work for a possible change in a way that doesn’t seem
unhealthy.Not that it really matters, but regarding typical “dancer legs”, a lot of pole dancers don’t have them. Polers are often short and muscular if you think about it. But they are still dancer legs, it all just depends on the type of dance :).
I don’t think pole dancers suffer from BDD or similar things more than other athletes. The athletes that seem to suffer significantly more are body builders. A lot of quick fixes (and selfies) in that field from what I can see.
Polers are much more natural which is fantastic. That is also why I think that we polers don’t suffer from an
unhealthy body image more than others. Most look natural dispite having to show a lot of skin.I think the more you keep poling and the developing the more you will like yourself!
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yes yes yes to all of the above!!! i do feel a bit vain sometimes watching and analyzing hours of my footage haha but i am the only one out of my pole mates who does it religiously, i have been filming since march (started pole in jan) and they are all shocked at how quick i am progressing… i would definitely credit it massively to the visual feedback! – sometimes you just need to see yourself try a move once to see what you are doing wrong then you can correct it immediately =) and yes that was the very first thing i noticed – my horrible flexed feet and how awful it makes everything look!! so now i try to be conscious of them all the time, but i agree its funny how, as you said, a tiiiiny momentary lapse in concentration mid-move really shows in your presentation! ive discovered it is physically VERY hard work to always keep leg and feet muscles engaged so you get nice lines..Oo. The difference in looks between a fully extended engaged leg and one which is not is crazy – my legs look like they belong to two completely different people! But, this is exactly how filming benefits you..
And i find it goes both ways, i have cringed at something i thought at the time would look awesome but in reality looked awful, but then have also been very pleasantly surprised at seeing myself do something really well, makes me feel quite proud =)
and yes i find i am much more aware of my body image now that i am seeing myself on film on such a regular basis…! i can instantly see when i am having a bit of a podgy belly too-many-croissants day or when i am looking a bit leaner, i didnt know my body shape fluctuated so much week to week ! =P but the good part of this is that pole dancing really emphasises your muscles haha, especially in your stomach! so i will be watching and get all excited when the light hits me right and i see some abs haaa!! and i am starting to notice muscles in my legs recently too, thanks to leg weights and taking stairs in work i think! and its only because i film and take photos for splits stretching that i can really see this muscle definition developing =) so it encourages me to keep going and keep pushing myself, because i am liking what i see more and more as the months goes on. And yes i think you are right – as pole dancers we are always particularly aware of ‘how good/bad we look’ to put it bluntly, like ballet dancers, gymnasts etc we are always looking at the aesthetics of our sport… and yes while we may dance just for the joy of it it goes without saying it looks nicer if we put some awareness into our movements and shapes =)
and yes RoMo that is such a good point about camera angles!! i have had some AWFUL pole photos/film taken from a bad angle and it makes you look so much worse than in real life!!!! just shows up all your horrible bits haha.. yes there is definitely a real art to getting a good angle and it makes AALL the difference !!oh dear sorry for the essay!! quiet day in work… =D
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I’m new to pole and filming myself has made a huge difference in the progress I’m making. Oddly, I hadn’t really thought about what my body looks like outside of positioning and such. I don’t feel vain watching the footage repeatedly either. Heck, football players and other athletes spend hours upon hours studying game footage. We’re doing the same thing. Back to the body image piece – I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on what the body looks like versus what it feels like. When I feel good, feel strong and have energy I know I’m doing something right.
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This is an interesting discussion! I think it’s crazy how much spending time doing something you enjoy can help cultivate self love which in return will help with body issues. I think with our sport we spend so much time in little clothing that really you see it ALL!! And There seems to be a momentum that i can either build up or break down by cultivating self love all day by cutting out the on going never ending and to most not noticeable constant negative brain chatter that happens all day in our head , but finding that off button is tricky and takes time. But I also can relate with being shocked by what the body looks like when in action!! I’ve had a couple comments on here that were most def supportive but they weren’t what I expected to hear like “killer calf muscles” but deep down some people think its greener on the other side. The vessel that carries us knows us better than anyone ever has or will and for that I respect my bodys purpose ! Video has helped me major major major. And it’s given me the chance to share which is such a gift. The support and inspiration from here has been such a big deal, I’ve been able to let a few very unhappy parts of my life go since I gained this community. So keep on doing your thang!! Would love to share your journey via videos 😉
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Can’t say about filming as I do not do it yet.
About body image: I have pretty bad body image problems, I think. I used to do ski racing till 16 so was used to have a killer athlete body. At the same time I’m ugly and everybody always felt the need to point it out to me, so I was always very self-conscious about people watching me. After 16 I had to stop all sports because of an injury, and my body got soft, fat, and awful without me fully realizing (I never looked at myself) until I was 25. I am 30 now, I lost most of that (gym and now pole as well), but it’s still impossible for me to like myself. I feel like my upper body is too thin now, and the lower too fat. If I have a bit of a bloated belly from eating sth that does that (pulses, too much milk… you know, NORMAL stuff) it’s hard for me to get out of the house in the morning, thinking people will notice and judge me and despise me. I feel fat, I feel like my body is ruined and no amount of working out will get it back to how it was. Then the next day I notice I lost 2 cups bra-size in a year and I hate myself for losing that weight.
This was just to say: I am a fucked up case 🙂The good news: I was afraid pole would make this worse. All those unreachable models, all the skin-showing, all the looking for a good figure rather than a good lift/time/whatever. Pole is a sport that wants you to make sth LOOK good. I really feared I would get in bad places by starting this sport, but it fascinated me and I started anyway.
Man, am I glad I did. It’s still not all ok, granted. But knowing that my abs are there even on a “bloated” day and I can still lift my body with them, knowing that my arms and back are maybe too skinny but they can now do 20 pullups, knowing my legs are still fat but I am closer to splits than I ever was in my life… Knowing that I can show up in class half naked and NOBODY cares about any of this, knowing that people DO watch my body but nobody, NOBODY hates me because of it… That actually makes getting out of the house on bloaty days a lot easier.Sorry for the novel-length post, but it was liberating, somehow. Most people I know think I have absolutely no image issues and I am fully at home in body… so I guess this was kind of a coming out, sorry to have made you all the victims, it’s what you get for being awesome!
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What a great discussion!! I have a few thoughts…first, I think recording my practice is SO vital to my progress. I grew up taking part in competitive dancing (Irish dance). I had a teacher that was fully invested in my dance. He gave me steps that highlighted my strengths and watched me and helped me correct, improve and perfect EVERYTHING. In pole, very few of us have such a person, so we have to be our own coach. Watching what you are doing, no matter how hard at first, helps to see what you are doing wrong when you are learning something new but not really getting it and helps to see the little things like pointed toes, lousy hand placement, the difference between fully engaged legs vs not. I find it also gives me evidence, when I finally get something right, that I can see with my own two eyes, which I find very encouraging.
One of the things I love about pole dancing is that it highlights the incredible strength of the body and celebrates it. The details of the body that we have issues with (you know, the things we pick apart about ourselves) just sort of dissappear and the big picture- the amazingness of the human body takes center stage. There are incredible pole dancers of all body types and pole dancing shines a light on how awesome and beautiful each body is.
I definitely have my own hangups- I’ve always been boyish skinny and shapeless, but I have been lifting weights for a few years and really did not realize how much my body had changed from it. I takes time for the mind to catch up to changes in the body. I used to have many times that I just felt ‘yuck’ about myself, but pole (and watching my recordings) has shown me the beauty of my body as well. I now have a much greater appreciation for my own body and the things that I used to really pick apart just don’t bother me all that much anymore. It’s more about what I can DO. I also think the reason they don’t bother me so much is because that I have come to realize that that negative part of the mind that picks things apart is never satisfied. It will always find something. I have learned to deliberately turn my back on it and I am successful most of the time.
Lastly, I have learned from watching my videos that I have two butt cheek creases on the left cheek when my leg is fully extended behind me (something I would have never known and actually find comical)! I have also learned that I may look graceful doing certain moves on the pole, but when I get down and walk to the camera to turn it off or change the music, I walk like a guy- not gracefull at all…feet turned out and clumping along!!
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well said missym!!! pole is really amazing for showcasing your body at its best – i look more lean & toned dancing than i do in daily life i think…. pole lights you up =)
and yess haaahaha ive lost count of the times i did a beautiful move pointy toes extension etc the whole shebang… then get stuck and slither down /peel myself off the pole like a fat sweaty hippo and land on the floor on my ass with an undignified bump haaha !! =P -
I think seeing yourself on video for the first time is like hearing your voice on audio, OMG is that how I really sound? Quality is a big deal! Depending on the quality of the video cam keep in mind some might make you look weird, they just do. Other things to consider, the angle you use and lighting make a HUGE difference in how the body and face looks. Don’t stress too much about how you look physically on video, you make look totally different in person, for the reasons listed above. 🙂 Play with angles and light.
Now, take the rest as a learning experience! When you see things in playback like flexed feet, it’s a good thing, it will allow you to fix that. You can’t make a positive change without an understanding or having knowledge of the negative. Not that flexed feet are the end of the world but you get what I mean! Filming yourself is a great way to improve your dancing for that reason. Also never feel like your video isn’t good enough to share, because of the quality of dance, video, editing, physical appearance anything!! You might post something where you feel this or that is all wrong, only to hear comments pointing out the GOOD things you may have missed.
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Thank you everyone! My post was so long and loaded that I thought maybe no one would read it, but you all responded with incredibly thoughtful and insightful comments, and I really, really enjoyed reading them.
I never even thought about the camera angle (duh).
Still, my body is my body and I like being comfortable in my skin even though, like some of you pointed out, this can change from day to day. So much of my confidence comes from having a strong body, because it makes me feel capable and un intimidated. But I realize this image of myself is not affected by flexed feet and weird legs. I love that many of you share your insecurities with me. It really makes me feel better knowing that these feelings are shared.
I think the main reason I love pole is that I am constantly impressed by what my body can DO. I try not to dwell too much about how it looks because, yes, we will always feel like we aren’t perfect. But I very much do still want to look good when I actually do see myself in the mirror, or, now, on film! It’s such a weird and seemingly contradictory place to be in. So of course I wonder if I am dwelling and obsessing over small things. Like, do I really need to buy a new exercise video or can I just get over myself?
I think it’s perfectly okay to set new goals when we are unhappy with what we see. There are things we can’t really change about ourselves and things we can. Like I can’t really change how my face itself looks but I can try to stop making weird strained facial expressions when I pole, due to increased awareness of the fact that I am doing it. And I can work on achieving the tone, flexibility, and muscular balance I want. I may always have my mother’s legs, and that’s fine. But they are going to be the best damn my-mother’s-legs that they can be!! (And dammit, I can sure as sugar stop flexing my freaking feet!)
So I know that, yes, film can be a great tool! I just had previously thought to myself, why do I need to film when I can FEEL what my body is doing!? But to me, my toes FELT pointed and my face felt normal, but I can clearly see in the video that I only pointed my toes once I got up into the pose, because I was totally unaware of my toes in midair due to the intense concentration on basic strength and balance required to get up and into the move in the first place. Wow! Pole is tougher than I thought! So much mental energy and body awareness required.
I guess I should think of you gals just like the girls in my pole classes: all shapes and sizes, all wearing our “pole skivvies”, many of us indeed grunting and sliding down to the ground like a hippo after nailing that last trick :), and none of us judging what the other one looks like, but all genuinely celebrating the others’ successes. I know that SV is like that and that all the feedback is super complimentary but can also be constructive if you ask for it. I just need a little time to…recover from the surprise of seeing myself and then record some videos that I DO feel good about and post them. I’m sure that eventually I will totally lose awareness of how I look and just post all kinds of videos. I know that here on SV people of all levels post, and I feel inspired by knowing that others struggle with certain moves and don’t look perfect, and also am inspired by the people who have worked hard for years and achieved an amazing level of strength, grace, and skill. And I just want to participate in that process and be able to show my struggles as well as successes instead of just being a voyeur. I am confident that I still will…just as soon as I recover from my first filming experience!!!!
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