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Pole Rage. Help Me!
I've come out to everyone about my poling. I made a statement on Facebook about it, and haven't gotten a whole lot of responses other than a few from friends and family who are supportive and think it's awesome.
However, when I shared a post today about poling and how it may soon be included as an Olympic sport, I got a few responses that were less than favorable.
One stated:
"I think pole dancing from what I can see, looks like an incredibly difficult sport, the amount of body strength it would take to do half of those moves is incredible. That being said, with all the temptation out there for men, all these pictures of half naked women with their boobs hanging out and their legs spread wide giving a perfect bikini area shot are hardly welcome on my screen. I would love it if they could find a way to do this with a little more clothing on, say like gymnasts 🙂 "
Another: "Yes why do they need to be naked or nearly naked."
Another: "If they're real good they could do it in a snow suit! lol"
I was a bit miffed at the ignorance, and this was my response:
"If anyone struggles with lust, they definitely should avert their eyes from anything that could cause them to stumble. Period. That being said, the skin is for safety reasons. In pole, the motto is, the more skin, the better,technically speaking. Skin must grip the pole to prevent falling and injuries. Also, naturally, women are feminine, which can be sensual, and I agree that there is a fine line between trying to provoke lust, and celebrating femininity. However, if you look at any dance art form, sensuality nearly always comes into play, and apparel certainly isn't usually snow suits and turtlenecks. 🙂 Again, if one has issues struggling with lust while watching a woman dance, they should definitely stay away from viewing it."
It's starting. I honestly feel like deleting each one of these people, but I know that's my emotions talking and I know it's too extreme. They're entitled to their opinions, yes.
I just feel so passionately about this and I loathe ignorance. Most forms of dance, with a pole or not, have SOME form of sensuality to them, and the clothing is not usually "appropriate." But all people see is a pole, heels, and sex.
Honestly, I don't even worry about my husband lusting, because I know he would say something if he had an issue with it. We are attending a performance tomorrow night at the pole studio and he's not leery about it at all! I think the women complaining about this stuff must have husbands who struggle with lust. Maybe they've caught them watching porn at some point and it's caused a rift? I can't see any other reason why it would bother them so much.
Thoughts and encouragement? 🙁
~Jolene
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55 Replies
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Unfortunately it’s par for the course. Sad but true. I hardly ever talk about my poling on my Facebook or twitter for the reasons you are dealing with. While it is not because I am ashamed of poling, I just don’t want to deal with the drama & bullshit. Alot of polers have 2 Facebook accounts, 1 where they can talk about their poling openly with others in the poling community & post vids & pics of themselves poling, where they only befriend those who pole as well. While their 2nd Facebook is more for friends & family–you know the vanilla stuff… this is what I ate today, I’m at the gym, pics of their vacations etc. Alot of gals have run into alot less drama by having two separate accounts…
However, I just have my one Facebook account & while I have alot of poling friends added & like anything pole related through that FB page, I have chosen to not post things about poling there or pole pics or video.
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This is a common thing among many in the community that aren't pole dancers/fitness people. They will be supportive of you and think it's awesome but the mere mention of it being mainstream and possibly in the Olympics, it sets them off. I do hope it will make it into the Olympics one day, but right now it's going to be a tough one to swallow for others.
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Pixie, that’s an excellent idea! Rockstar, thanks for the thoughts. It really is hard for people to accept! 🙁
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Arttacks from women who are trying to put you in your place and have such poor images of themselves that they have to cut everyone down. However I am sure these are the same people that lust after half naked pictures of movie stars and see no issue with it.
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I generally keep pole related stuff off my public FB for this reason. My friends don't care and most think it's awesome, but I know enough trolls and conservative family members where it's not worth it to engage them. When I do post pole related stuff, I use my privacy settings so anyone who would be offended or mean about it won't see it. You can set up a list of pole-friendly people on FB and broadcast pole stuff only to those supportive friends. Or, alternatively, just unfriend the jerks. I have a pretty low tolerance for intolerant people, so I'm not afraid to do that. I understand that not everyone is.
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Oh and this goes for more than just pole. I have a "Restricted" list that doesn't see anything I post on FB that might be salacious, contain curse words, or be in any way objectionable (or less than G-rated). This is a list that includes say… my husband's grandma. She sees occasional photos of family events and that's about it, lol.
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To be honest, those comments did not sound at all like a personal attack on pole or your love of pole or even as though they really dislike it. Some people just really do not understand why pole attire is generally so skimpy or why heels are used. AND there are some who just plain don’t get it, aren’t into it, and never will be no matter what you say. Personally, I kinda hate football…not so much because of the sport, but the fanaticism and the expectation for me to like it. I don’t. Plain and simple, nothing personal.
That being said, I can’t help giggling a little at their responses and ponder the motivation behind them. To me it sounds like a pile of women who can’t trust their husbands and, INSTEAD of putting the blame where it belongs, they bitch about other women “seducing” their men. Let me tell you, I have NO time and zero patience for cackling hens like that. People are people, man or woman, they’re responsible for their own actions. No one can MAKE you cheat
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So, their comments irritate me because it’s ignorant and disrespectful to people in general. Still, I understand curiousity about pole attire, I understand the anger towards nudity/sex everwhere, and I understand how pole is not everyone’s cup of tea. I would be annoyed by these comments, though, there are some deep insecurities and hurtful feelings behind them. I take great issue with how gender and sexuality is often the foremost determining factor in perception of anything. Seems to me, these women “struggle with lust” themselves…or maybe envy. lol
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Btw, LOVED your response. 😉
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I am reading a novel right now and read a quote last night that really struck home.
"Have you noticed how one condemns most self-righteously that which one has never had the opportunity to do?"
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^—–I love this response too!
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When people make that argument it just makes absolutely no sense to me! Have they ever seen volleybcompetitive volleyball or running with the teeny shorts and sports bras? Or the skintight gymnastics leotards? I fail to understand why they can't apply the same standards to pole as other sports. In many athletic activities excess clothing is at best a hindrance and at worst downright dangerous. And if they honestly can't look past a little bit of skin, well, this quote from Michelle Shimmy's blog comes to mind:
"If you can't watch a display of athleticism, strength, flexibility and sensuality without perceiving the dancer as an object, then you're the one with the problem, not us."
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I am soooo glad I live in Australia, where this sort of thing is not an issue. Poles are just poles, not "stripper" poles.
And I have one other thing to say – "Ladies.Beach.Volleyball." I don't hear anyone complaining about the girls in *that* sport wearing skimpy clothing! And you can't tell me that they wear skimpy clothing for safety reasons! If anything, they should cover up because of the risk of skin cancer 😉
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Yeah, and cheerleading has always confused me too. I mean, I know it’s a legitimate sport but…well, how is it acceptable to society rather than what we do? Underage girls in short skirts do cartwheels and are ogled by the crowd. I mean, what’s the purpose of their clothing? Couldn’t THEY wear more clothes and still do that? I’m just saying, it’s a strange double-standard. Btw, the first cheerleaders were men until they figured out women drew a bigger crowd. Hmm, I wonder what it is about us women folk that is such a damn attraction. Personally, I prefer to embrace that aspect rather than tone it down or despise it. Make it positive! 🙂
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Serzi, your point about the cheerleading is excellent! These are young underage girls in tiny clothes showing off their stuff. Add the dance element of some teams and you have teen (and tween) girls hip thrusting and grinding to sexy music. That is acceptable in our society and pole as a sport isn't? The more i think about that, the more disgusted i am with it.
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Great responses here ladies, some of them I had never thought of using before when defending our sport & probably will now.
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Thanks for all of your input, friends! I have made a post in Notes on Facebook to discuss this issue and point out the double standards.
Thank you, Kyrsten, for sharing the Michelle Shimmy quote, since I used it in my post!
Here's the link, if you'd care to read 🙂
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jolene-frid/naked-or-nearly-naked/10151461742179961
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Great Note-post! The pics you found are perfect examples. I am tired of the double-standard, but I don’t want to say that any sport is more entitled to sexy/sensual/revealing than another. In my household, though, must be 18 to pole. That is personal precaution due to horror-stories I’ve heard of CPS, not necessarily what I believe should be enforced.
It does make me angry, though, how parents can parade their daughters around like painted porcelain dolls on TV; have them bounce around in mini-skirts and spanks at school; let them wear bikinis and such at the beach; AND how some girls are forced to train in dance/gymnastic competitions since they could walk. (I NEVER want pole dancing to become like that. I would completely wash my hands of any ties to professional pole if that happens.) But I do not believe in body shaming, I just do not appreciate the double-standard or the accusation that pole dancing is sexualizing or corrupting people. Perverts will find children/women sexy no matter what you dress them in. The argument against provoking/enticing them not only shames the victims and almost excuses the perv as though he’s not entirely responsible for his own actions, but if that were true then how come all these other objectifying hobbies/sports/arts/activities are considered socially acceptable. Catholic school-girl uniforms, HELLO! Probably the most over-used sexual fantasy costume of all time!
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I enjoyed reading your note Jolene, I've always thought that about volleyball etc. I 'liked' it, so if you have a like from a randomer, tis me. 🙂
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I really liked your response. I thought it was mature. It's disappointing that your friends would react like that, even if they were joking.
Maybe it's time to flood your FB friend list with supportive pole friends?
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I shouldn't have read this thread. I read your facebook post and thought it was very tasteful. I would like to share it on my wall, but my facebook consists of;
1) Other pole dancers. Obviously very supportive of pole
2) Gamers, who, while they're trolls and know I'm a stripper, are very understanding that I love the art of pole. Not the "money" in it.
3) Girls from high school who were former ballet/tap/jazz, so when they see one pole video, they understand the aerial DANCE aspect of it. I've never had anyone say anything rude on my facebook.That being said, I want to punch your friend Christa in the face. She should definitely go on the "Delete" list because to me it sounds like she (a) doesn't get it and (b) is somehow making the topic about her by talking down to you numerous times.
1) " But I would ask if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad, brother, or Jesus?"
Poledanceforjesus. I kid you not it's a thing. An AMAZING thing. People get closer to God through dance all the time, it's your fault for trying to sexualize a plain, inanimate object. These people don't. Just saying.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/hallelujah-christians-pole-dance-jesus-texas/story?id=13194891#.UXNxuLUWJso
2.) " As far as those other pictures are concerned, clothing has been beyond ridiculously scant for many years now inside and outside of "sports".
I'm sorry. Was she just trying to call you out for wearing shorts or something? And then she goes onto say, " could almost argue that women who dress seductively might have the problem as they obviously want attention to fill some sort of heart hole."
So…first she complains about someone unmentioned not dressing to fit HER standards, then says that person in question is lonely and has a self-image problem?
Gonna have to go to the ER later. My eyes are about to fall out of my head from all the rolling they're doing.
Sorry, I hate to sound like a grade A bitch. But this girl. Sounds like she doesn't WANT to get it. And just wrote a really wrong, long, and poorly written (use the damn enter key, there's this magical thing called paragraphs) just because she had an opinion, not because she wanted to understand what her friend was going through. I have no idea who this woman is, and I could be 100% wrong. That's just the impression that she made public to me through the internet.
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CapFeb… you’re awesome, first of all. Glad I added you on FB. Second, yes, it does sound as though she is filled with “Rightness.”
I try to be gracious with people and educate them, but I think pole is definitely going to weed folks out of my life. Or at least off my FB list. I can see what Pixie, meant about creating a separate FB, but I also share her opinion that we should be able to be ourselves and not worry about it. I’ve chosen to take the latter approach.
The negativity is already draining and it only started yesterday! And I do mean draining! I’ve been reading this stuff to my husband and he’s quite surprised and agrees that it’s not necessary to have to deal with it.
I’m a firm believer in authenticity and really don’t want to ‘edit’ who I am for the benefit of someone’s ignorance.
Can I say you all are outstanding? I appreciate each and every one of you ladies. Thanks for being in my life, even if merely through words. -
To be honest, I think this Christa chick is just expressing her preferred tastes w/out respecting that of others.
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And I am proud to be an openly sensual-style poler. My husband is proud of me. I don’t do it just for him or for others. I do it because I know that I enjoy celebrating this body I was given and expressing myself however I choose to. Flaunt it while you got it, you won’t have it forever! 😉
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“Adam and Eve were naked and innocent in the garden of Eden. It was when they sinned that they first put on clothes.” -Bettie Page
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