SpyralBound
Forum Replies Created
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For me, it's about balance. I just can't balance myself well in tall heels, especially stiletto heels. I put them on and instantly become an awkward baby giraffe. Just standing and walking is difficult, never mind dancing, and especially never mind any moves where I put all the weight on one foot, like a slow pirouette or a shoulder slide. Or bending down. Or squatting. All of this is 100x harder in heels, for me, so I almost never dance in them.
But I don't have a lot of practice in heels (just normal heels) anyway. They're a strictly special-occasion shoe for me. My feet, ankles and calves are not used to them and will start to ache very soon after putting them on. Even if I'm just sitting, my feet seem to hate being constricted into that Barbie-foot position.
I am way more comfortable and secure dancing barefoot, and better at dealing with carpet burn than at moving in heels. Honestly I barely notice the sensation of the carpet while I'm dancing, but I do have eczema on the soles of both feet and if the skin is cracked from that, walking on carpet is like stepping on razor blades.
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I'm having similar issues…
Like with my Gemini, I'm having two struggles – one is I'm not inverting high enough so my top hand is always in the way of the leg I want to hook, but that's something I can work on by practicing pushing my hips up just a little higher when I invert. The body-related issue is that my belly fat gets in the way of positioning the pole across my inside hip and getting that essential lock-point so I can release the unhooked leg. I have to physically grab and move the fat, which is not exactly practical or elegant. Guess there's nothing for that one but to lose some damn weight already…
I'm also struggling with CAR on a 45mm. I've done it once or twice successfully, and had better luck (but more pain) on a 50mm. Last time I tried it at home on the 45, every time I straightened my legs from the pole sit and started leaning back, I just slid right down. (It was one of those "can't stick to the pole no matter what" kind of days… ugh.) And I don't have oddly-shaped thighs at all (or at least, I don't think so?), nor much "extra" flesh in that area – I swear, almost all my body fat is in my belly or boobs, I carry very little anywhere else. So CAR has been a very frustrating learning experience for me.
Cupid, too, has been SO HARD – I cannot freaking figure out how to keep that bottom foot on the pole in a way that I can actually support some weight on it. It always tries to slide to the front or back of the pole and won't just STAY PUT. And because my knee pit grip isn't all that strong/developed yet, I can't hang up there very long trying to figure out that bottom foot issue. ARGH! Maybe my feet are shaped weird? lol.
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I hear ya on the itch, Scimitar. I'm sure I've made some really funny faces in meetings because under the table my feet are ON FIRE. And I even admit I've hit the cruise control and actually removed my shoe and sock while in the car just to give myself SOME relief (eyes always on the road, of course).
Since I have it on both feet, I might gather up a few different remedies and try different ones for each foot so I can acually get a sense of what works and what has no effect. I just wish some of those specialty products were available in trial sizes so that if it doesn't work, I'm not out $17 on a 15oz bottle of lotion I'm never going to use again.
I have no other long term conditions like asthma and no allergies that I know of that would also point to eczema. I do have congenital (since birth) hypothyroidism but when I asked my endo if there's any link between the two, she said the type of hypothyroidism I have doesn't correlate with eczema. So yeah, I also feel you on not knowing what the hell it is that triggers mine.
And I am SO not willing to drop all sorts of foods out of my diet or obsess over ingredient labels and stuff. It's hard enough to eat sensibly and healthfully as it is without putting all sorts of crazy limitations and restrictions on food groups. If a doctor told me for sure "Your eczema is a result of being allergic to potatoes," then sure I'd stop eating potatoes. But I'm not going to go through the process of figuring it out on my own.
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I have dishydrotic eczema on the soles of both of my feet. I've had it for years and because I am lazy and stubborn have never had it treated – I talked to my general doctor about it once, before I knew what it was, and he just said "Yeah that's eczema, get some over the counter hydrocortisone." But remember what I said about being lazy? I never got in a good habit of applying it regularly so didn't really give it a chance to help me. In fact I'm really bad about it in general. I scratch when it itches – the most satisfying thing is rubbing my feet against carpet or with a dry towel. I KNOW it's bad bad bad to do that, I'm not doing myself any favors. And of course it does not make the eczema go away.
But I will say one of the things that has sort of pushed me in this "do nothing about it" mode is … well, just read this thread. There are SO many different causes (diet, mineral deficiencies, allergies, soaps/detergents…) and SO many different cures (aloe, tea tree oil, prescription lotions, nonprescription lotions, emollients, vitamins, seaweed baths…). I have no idea what causes mine or what will cure it, and quite frankly am not up for the hassle of figuring it out by process of elimination or spending money on all these different products.
(Honestly, despite the testimonials, I'm skeptical about their efficacy anyway. I work in marketing so can't help see the marketing ploy here, to get people to drop the big bucks on these "specialty" brands like Aveeno – they never come cheap! None of their claims are backed up by indepedent sources or by the FDA as actually being effective in treating eczema. If it was medicine or something, I might give it more credit, but these are over-the-counter products marketed directly to consumers. They don't have to go through FDA processes. They can claim pretty much anything on their labels and tell you all about their special formulas and whatnot… but in the end, they just want you to buy their product. Without independent verification, I remain skeptical.)
The one and only lotion I've bought for it has been Curel – they have a special formula for eczema that is co-signed by the American Dermatological Association. I think I found it ona forum and bought it through Drugstore.com. And when I actually remember to freaking use the stuff regularly, it does help, though it doesn't make the eczema go away entirely. I've also caved and bought some no-fragrance detergent by Arm and Hammer for my laundry. I haven't done enough loads yet to really tell if it makes a difference or not.
The worst part of mine is wearing sandals and flipflops. I remember going out shopping one day wearing flipflops thinking "Maybe it will be good for them to get some fresh air instead of sitting in socks all day." By the end of the trip, I could barely walk back to the car. My skin had completely dried out and was cracking everywhere, especially between my toes where the thong part of the flipflop goes.
The other horrible part is that the TERRIBLE ITCH will randomly strike when I'm driving or in a meeting or grocery shopping, and I can't do anything about it. That itch is like nothing else I've experienced. I know it's best to ignore it but my eyes literally tear up with the effort. Best I can usually do is wiggle my toes frantically.
**Sigh.** I guess it really is about time I do something about it instead of suffering and likely doing myself more harm by scratching. I've written down some of the suggestions here and will start looking for these products, and in the meantime, use my Curel a bit more faithfully. Staying sick because I'm too lazy to get healthy is a stupid attitude to have anyway.
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And for the record, I don't think they look that disproportionate at all. You do have a small frame but they don't scream "obvious implant" to me. For what it's worth.
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Ollie, unfortunately it's not possible to spot-train your body to just lose weight in one area. However, pole requires a lot of upper-body strength, much of which comes from the pectoral muscles that are the foundation underneath our breasts. Training the pecs can certainly change the appearance of breasts, but does not always reduce them – they may just become a bit more lifted.
Some people, myself included, just don't lose weight from their breasts. For others, that's the first place to shrink when they start losing. It's a pretty individual thing.
If you think a reduction would make you happier, don't be scared off by comments from other women. I totally relate to the comments of "You're so lucky" or "I wish mine were that big" to which I always reply, "Take 'em."
If your breasts cause you discomfort or pain, emotionally or physically, you don't have to force yourself to be grateful for them. It's not like naturally big breasts are some sort of privilege we take for granted (even if other ladies may feel that way). They can be a real burden. You wouldn't let others talk you out of getting a mole removed, so why your breasts?
Getting your breasts reduced is nothing to be ashamed of, and it does NOT mean you don't love your body, just that one piece of you outgrew the rest!
Yes, there's an element of vanity to it for anyone who doesn't need to get them reduced for medical reasons. You know what? OWN IT. Yes, I love my body, and I care about how it looks, and I care about how I feel in it. Got a problem with it? Tough – it's not YOUR body.
So seriously, don't let anyone else's words or sideways looks shame you out of a reduction if you think it would make you happier. Do it for YOU, not anyone else.
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To answer Jemmie…
Sure, compromise is possible. Two people in a relationship can sit down and hammer out some rules that they both agree on. In fact, that's encouraged, because it involves discussion, compassion, understanding each other's feelings and finding a balance.
What's NOT cool is for one partner to impose rules on the other, unconditionally, without a respectful discussion and mutual decision. When I hear words like "I'm not allowed to" or "he/she won't let me," it raises red flags for me because it implies an imbalance of power in the relationship, where one person sets the rules and the other must obey. It also implies that the person setting the rules doesn't trust his/her partner.
In the case of the Jealous Pole Boyfriend (and I'm not talking specifically about the boyfriends mentioned here – think of this as a "type" of personality), he doesn't trust that his girlfriend isn't intentionally going out there seeking sexual attention. He sees pole as a sexual thing, and he feels threatened by the notion of other people seeing his girlfriend being sexual, because that could make them attracted to her, which could make them pursue her and become his competition. He may not trust that she could protect herself against advances. He feels insecure in his status as her one-and-only, and this insecurity increases when he sees her *really* enjoying what she's doing. Will she enjoy it so much she leaves him behind? Does she enjoy the dance, or the attention? How can I keep this from getting out of hand?
None of this is unreasonable by itself. Nor is it specific to men – women can feel insecure and threatened, too, if their partners are suddenly in the spotlight of a lot of other people's attention. The more insecure the person is about their status in the relationship, the more they will try to control their partner.
A good plan for the girlfriend would be:
1) Tell your man you understand his feelings and where he is coming from, and you appreciate his concern. Don't be dismissive of his fear just because you don't share it. If you were concerned about something he was doing and brought it up to him, you would expect him to take you seriously, not blow you off, right? So show him the same respect.
2) Reassure your man that he is your Number One, especially when it comes to sex. Give him your reasons for pursuing pole – and not just the practical fitness-related ones.Tell him how much fun you have, how it feels to learn a new move and see your body getting stronger, the rush of performing a really difficult trick and getting applause. Tell him it makes you feel sexy, and when you feel sexy, you think about HIM and how special he is to you, and how you love feeling and being sexy for him.
3) Invite a discussion about what reasonable steps you can take to help him feel more comfortable, and look for room to compromise. Maybe he's okay with you taking lessons but not performing. Maybe he can tolerate you performing as long as he's in the audience, too. Maybe he's concerned about the venues you're performing is – "open pole" night at a bar or club vs. a formal competition or showcase vs. Facebook & YouTube – or the outfits you wear to perform. Whatever his concerns are, hear them out without dismissing them, and brainstorm some ideas, together, that have you meeting each other halfway.
There has to be some "give" on each side, but no one should be asked to sacrifice more than they are willing. That is, don't agree to obey rules you don't agree with in the first place, because you'll just be tempted to bend or break them later, or resent him for imposing them. And keep in mind, you can ask for your own concessions too – maybe say you don't want to hear him calling you or other dancers "strippers" or "whores," even if they do dance sexily.
4) Honor your agreements. Show him you respect him and that he can trust you not to violate the boundaries you've established together. If you agreed not to put videos of yourself dancing on YouTube, then don't. Once you've spent some time and gotten comfortable with the new boundaries, you may even be able to revisit the conversation with him — "Now that I've been poling for a year and my skills have advanced, I'm really interested in performing. How would you feel about that?" You might find that he's relaxed and gotten used to the idea, or is at least more open to the possibility, now that pole has become a more routine part of your life together.
This approach may not work for everyone. It won't work if the boyfriend is very set in his mind against pole and won't consider any compromises. It won't work if he continues to behave possessively even after agreements have been reached. During the compromise talk, you may bump into issues you just can't agree on. Any of these obstacles could be a dealbreaker for your relationship – that's up to YOU to decide, of course.
I still stand by my original statement, though, to be cautious of men who seem overly jealous, overly protective, or overly insecure. If he constantly needs reassurance that your relationship is solid and stable and you're not going anywhere, that's not really healthy in the long term. If he can't have a mature and rational discussion about something like this – if he just flies off the handle, or tries to manipulate or coerce you into agreeing to something you don't want to agree to, or tries to give you an ultimatum, or seems more concerned with protecting his status as your BF and not actually concerned about YOU, those are all bad signs. Not just in regards to pole but in general. I'm not saying Dump Him Immediately, but would encourage you to do some soul-searching and reflect on if this is the kind of partner, and partnership, you really want.
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While compromise is important to relationships, there is one thing we women should always remember:
You ALONE own your sexuality. Whether or not you are in a sexual relationship with someone else, it is yours to do with as you please.
I have a big problem with people who treat their partners like possessions instead of people. And that is exactly what happens when one partner tries to put limits on the other partner's sexuality out of jealousy. It's one thing to be concerned about your partner's safety – that s/he might pick up stalkers, invite dangerous attention, or even jeopardize their professional reputation – but it's another thing to be concerned that someone else might even *look* at your partner with sexual attraction.
To try to keep other people from being sexually attracted to your partner is not only absurd and hopeless, but very possessive and territorial, and in some cases can even constitute abuse. One of the keystones of abuse is the abuser making an effort to isolate his/her victim from friends, family, and even the public. It isn't always, but can be a slippery slope from "I don't want anyone else to see you in skimpy clothes" to "I don't want anyone else to see you at all." It's not just jealousy, it's control. Relationships should be based on mutual respect, and trying to own your partner's body and sexuality by placing limits and restrictions on them is disrespectful. Period. End of sentence.
One huge red flag I've seen in this thread, and elsewhere, is boyfriends/husbands who don't want anyone else to see you dancing or being sexy but are OK with, or enthusiastic about, you dancing just for them. This is controlling behavior. This is him claiming ownership of your body and your sexuality and establishing it as his property and his alone. This is him diminishing you as a person, stripping you of your agency, your responsibility, and your sovereignty, and not treating you as an equal. Andt this is not a decision he gets to make.
Be very clear with your men, ladies. Your body is yours before it is anyone else's, and what you do with it, what you show and don't show, is ultimately your decision. If you offer it to him to play with and pleasure, this is something you do of your own free will, NOT because you are obligated to do so. Access to your body, visual or physical or otherwise, is a privilege, not a right. A man who cannot understand and respect this is not a man you want to waste time on. Seriously. Even if you love him, even if you've been together for years and years, even if he is good to you in every other way.
That said, I generally find that pole dancers in relationships are usually quite conscious of their partners' feelings and show respect to their partners by choosing not to be "slutty" – not wearing super-skimpy or blatantly sexy clothes, not performing for others or poling in pulic, not posting videos or photos (or only those that aren't intentionally sexy), etc. If this is your own decision and you do it out of respect for your man's feelings, that's great – that is you being autonomous and respectful of your monogamy by not intentionally inviting sexual attention from others. But if you do it because you fear the repercussions, because he forced you to or threatened some sort of retaliation (like breaking up with you) if you didn't comply, because he wants or demands it of you, or even if you "just want to make him happy" – that's different. It's not autonomy, it's coercion. Please don't let yourself be manipulated.
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I am envious of those of you who are able to shrink your breasts just through working out. I'm looking at reduction surgery within the next year because in the past 8 years my weight has gone up and down significantly, and through it all my cup size has been exactly the same (DD), and my band size only went from a 36 to a 38. Granted I don't really kill myself at the gym or on the pole – I bet if I worked really really really hard at it, they'd shrink along with everything else – but who has that kind of time? LOL! I have enough trouble just getting in one pole practice a week.
That said, I'm proud of my body and think about it way differently than I used to as well, now that I've seen what it can do. I'm thrilled with my legs, arms and ass, I just gotta work on the midsection. Big boobs aside, I have a short torso in proportion to the rest of me, so any extra weight on my torso does show up as flabby rolls. That's been my biggest frustration.
And YES big boobs do get in the way, in a lot of ways! Running, jumping, dancing, squeezing through crowds, trying on clothes… I look forward to post-reduction bralessness.
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I just posted this to the Facebook thread, but reposting here…
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I hope some of the naysayers realize that thanks to the explosion in popularity of pole fitness, and all the studios that have opened in response to this demand, **the number of women doing pole dance for fitness FAR outnumber the strippers.** Professional strippers are the minority in this community.
I would like to see pole in the Olympics because it's not that different from a lot of other Olympic sports. (Plenty have already mentioned gymnastics – I throw in Figure Skating, too, as another sport that incorporates dance, skimpy outfits and tricks that require enormous athletic skill to do safely.) What's more, it's entirely possible (in fact, easy! common!) to do a beautiful and impressive pole routine without removing a single article of clothing.Besides, need we be reminded that the original Olympians competed completely naked? Come on, now…
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And of course by saying strippers are the minority, I don't mean we don't embrace them or are trying to push them out of the sport in any way. Stripping is just a different style of pole dance, in my opinion, where the focus is more on entertainment than athleticism. That doesn't make it less valid in any way.
I am equally confused by those saying "would you want your daughter to aspire to this?" Um… who wouldn't want their daughter to aspire to be an Olympic athlete? That's a pretty ambitious goal and takes hard work, dedication, sacrifice, discipline, confidence… so yeah, I say, go ahead, encourage your daughter to be the Michelle Kwan of Pole Dance, and watch her grow up to be a strong, self-assured, capable woman whom others look up to.
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Holy wow! Now why did I go to college and not circus school?
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Holy wow! Now why did I go to college and not circus school?
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Here's a great quote about Happiness I saw yesterday…
"A man asked Buddha, 'I want happiness.' Buddha said, 'First remove "I," for that is ego. Then remove "want," for that is desire. See now you are left only with Happiness."
I believe happiness comes from within. Hinging my happiness on things external to me that I cannot control sets me up for disappointment when those things fall through, or die, or move on, or can't be achieved. That said, here are a few things in life that help me cultivate a state of inner happiness:
-A husband and a dog who love me and express it daily
-A fantastic circle of close friends – and no drama!
-A job that challenges and fulfills me
-Scratching things off my to-do list
-Yoga and meditation
-Writing in my journal
-Writing fiction
-Engaging in writing circles with my peers
-Being outdoors on a lovely day
-Long walks/hikes in the woods
-Visiting museums and national parks
-Tent camping
-Positive and/or constructive feedback from my clients at work
-Owls
-Documentaries about nature, science and space
-Good science fiction, like Firefly and Doctor Who
-Dancing to a really fun song
-Autumn leaves
-"Family time" – when my husband, dog and I get in a big cuddle pile on the bed
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And should mention too that I'm in a rental space so redoing the floor is not a possibility. 🙁
I read the other thread and it seems the puzzle-piece mats might work for what I need. I was looking at some at Walmart a little while ago but there was no price anywhere on them or the shelf, and the box was really heavy so I wasn't going to carry it all the way to checkout just to find it was more than I wanted to pay.
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I never practice in heels so I'm not worried about that. I'm much more comfortable, and graceful, in my bare feet. 🙂
And as I don't have a permanent pole space anymore I need a solution that can be stored and installed only when I need it to practice.