SpyralBound
Forum Replies Created
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I like Runemist's idea – I am SOOO guilty of going straight to the video after a practice, I sometimes even forget to cool down properly because I just wanna watch my footage (usually because I did something cool and want to see it!).
You also might try to make a deliberate effort that when you are watching your footage and feel yourself starting to get overly critical, stop and compliment yourself. Find something about your dance you can compliment. Maybe your Jade isn't straight, but you can do awesome pirouettes. Maybe your curves aren't as deep as they could be, but you're really good at keeping your toes pointed. Or you rock the floorwork. Or whatever! There's gotta be something you like to balance out that which you're not satisfied.
I'm lucky to have a very bendy back – like chemgoddess, I have a short waist/torso and can fold pretty easily along my waistline. But my legs? PFFFFFFT. No splits, front or center, not even close. So moves like Jade and Chopsticks, or anything with a wide V (like in the StudioVeena logo), I already know that's not gonna happen for me. I can't do a Jade yet but feel like I will be able to pretty soon (need to work on basic hip holds a bit first, get more secure with those), and when I learn, I'm not going to stress out about getting it straight – it will be an utter TRIUMPH just to do it at all! And The Duchess variation, with one knee still bent, is also very very pretty.
So focus on what you CAN do, and work slowly (and patiently) towards improving the moves you're not satisfied with yet. Don't expect too much of yourself, and definitely don't compare yourself to others, everyone's anatomy is different.
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Physically he's not my type (I'll give you that he's very good-looking but I have this aversion to bulgey muscles and prefer my guys a little hairier, lol)… but I LOVE his personality and charisma, he just seems like he'd be so fun to have a pole jam with!
And holy hell, how can a guy do a Fonji without mashing his junk? Seems dangerous to me…
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Honestly, I started on spinny pretty early in my pole journey, I think I started poling in March 2011 and was definitely spinning by the summer. And I started really simple with Fireman, or doing a climb from standing but boosting myself in one direction or another as I stepped up (GENTLY…it's really easy to go too fast in a climb position) just to get used to the sensation. And luckily I've never had nausea or anything like that, and don't even get that dizzy unless I go too fast.
It's a funny thing, I've noticed when I'm poling that my mind kinda turns inward and I stop "seeing" externally. Like the first few times I inverted, or went into a cross-knee release, I would get back down to the ground and be like…"I know I was staring directly at the floor, but I can't remember it!" Like my mind is so intensely focused on my point of contact and form and, you know, not falling, that it doesn't pay attention at all to what's actually in front of my eyes.
Sorta hard to explain…can anyone else relate?
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Oh yeah, happens all the time, you're definitely not alone on that front. I would say most of us here, except maybe the professionals, wishes they could squeeze more personal pole time out of their lives.
There are a TON of things I wish I had more time for: pole, yoga, medtitation, reading fiction, learning more about Buddhism, traveling, hiking with my dog, writing…
What gets even more frustrating is when I KNOW there are things I could cut back on to make time for any of the above, and I don't. I could stop lingering at work past closing time. I could actually, ya know, USE the balance ball/yoga mat/resistance band that are stacked like a modern art sculpture in the corner of my office. I could definitely watch less TV and spend less time lazing around the internet.
During this month I'm not really putting too much stress on myself about pole. It's National Novel Writing Month, for which I am teaching a weekly group class as well as participating, so writing is at the top of my "what to do with my free time" list until December.
Something that's been discussed in the forums recently, or maybe on someone's blog…shorter practice sessions. For the longest time whenever I tried to plan for a pole session, I would mentally block out *at least* an hour for it. But there are only so many hours in the day and always so much to try to fit into those hours, and pole always seemed to fall to the bottom of the list. And I'd get frustrated about not having an hour of my day that I could block out for pole/
It took a while to dawn on me that I don't *have* to block out a full hour. I can practice for 20-30 minutes and have a very focused session centered around a particular goal (spins only, inverts only, left side, floorwork, strength, etc.) instead of my usual lollygagging "what am I gonna do next?" pace for an hourlong practice.
Of course, this may get tougher in the winter, when I'm going to need longer to warm up the pole and my body to combat the dry cold air, but even there I can multitask a bit – start warming up the pole space, throw in a load of laundry (involves going up and down the stairs), take the dog for a short potty walk at a brisk pace, vacuum the pole space (also briskly) and maybe get my TV fix in while I'm wiping down & warming up the pole and stretching.
It can be done! But it's not easy and takes some planning. If I can do this at least once a week right now, that's all I'm asking of myself. Maybe after National Novel Writing Month is over, and the holidays have come and gone, I can adjust my life/schedule/priorities to make more of an effort to pole regularly, but in the end we have to realize, there's only so much we can do. Taking on too much is the fast lane to burnout.
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Luvlee, I agree with others that you are way too hard on yourself and are tearing yourself down for no reason. And the common thread I seem to see in your comments is that you keep comparing yourself – your strength, your dance, your tricks, your flexibility, your stamina – to others, and especially to yourself in the past. You get stuck in this cycle of "I used to be able to _____ and now I can't and I fear I'll never be able to and that's not good enough for me."
I'm telling you, woman: That needs to stop NOW.
I feel into a similar trap with my writing. When I was a young teen, I could write ficiton for hours on end and I never got bored, or frustrated, or annoyed, or ran out of creative juice. It was fantastic; it felt so good. Then, whaddaya know, Life got in the way. I went to college, got a degree in creative writing, and promptly stopped writing. At first I said I was just resting after the marathon of my senior project, but then rest turned into vacation turned into just plain not writing. I still got inspired to write, but every time I actually sat down and tried, I felt like my creative muscles were stiff and cramped, the words wouldn't come, every idea sounded cliched and boring. And I kept thinking back to 14-year-old me, the aspiring author who wrote novels on her summer vacation, and envying her and thinking Boy, it came so easy back then and felt so good, why won't it do that anymore, what's wrong with me, will I ever write fiction again? And this thought pattern prevented me from writing for YEARS. I've only recently picked it back up – and I graduated college in 2008.
You can't go back in time. You can't pull resources (a studio, money for lessons, pole friends, time) out of thin air. You're behaving as though you think these things will happen if you just try hard enough. But it's never enough, because these things can't happen, and because it's never enough you end up frustrated and sad and discouraged and angry at yourself. Perfectionism is a powerful demon to carry on your back.
So, stop looking in the rearview mirror while fearing what lies ahead (32). Stop comparing yourself to what you could once do, whether it be hourlong practices, advanced tricks, pretty spins, poling every day, whatever. And don't compare yourself to others, either. You are the best dancer you can be right now – you are the only thing you can be right now.
Whatever you can get done in a practice, in a day, in a week – IT IS ENOUGH. I want you to repeat this to yourself. And while you're at it, it helps to have very small, realistic goals, goals you can reach without hours and hours of stretching and practice first. Like with your back flexibility, you already know your back is not naturally very flexy. That's a limitation you have to live with; you can't force yourself to be flexy. A flexy Scorpion pose is a very, very, very difficult thing to achieve, even for people who do yoga every day. Certainly you can work on stretching and contorting, but be realistic about what kind of progress you can expect to make – and accept that, because of your anataomy, you just might never get there – AND THAT'S OK. It doesn't make you a failure and you can't let yourself feel that way.
(I am that way about anything splits-related. My right hip was dislocated when I was born so it's always been a little weaker and less flexible, and it complains big time when I try to stretch it. I've accepted that the splits are not a realistic goal for me. It might mean I'll never have straight lines in certain moves, but working towards a solid splits is too painful. I'm not going to put myself through it just to be frustrated when I hit the wall of what I can achieve.)
We joke around here a lot about how life-consuming pole can be, thinking about it all the time, wanting to practice all the time, watching videos every day, putting combos together in our heads, etc. We're all here because we just absolutely love pole. But what sometimes helps me when I'm getting discouraged is to remind myself, It's Just Pole. Really. It's not a magic wand or a fairy godmother. I had a life before pole, and while it has certainly helped me change my life for the better, my life does not depend on how often I practice or what tricks I can do. More importantly, my HAPPINESS does not depend on pole. Happiness comes from within, it is a state of mind we cultivate by showing ourselves love and gratitude.
So when you feel like beating yourself up over a move you can't do, or a practice cut short by fatigue, or skipping a scheduled practice, or whatever – STOP. Stop and remind yourself that you love yourself no matter what. Practice or no practice. Tricks or no tricks. Pole or no pole. Go get a hug from Bob or Elle if it makes you feel better. Just don't let yourself spiraling into despair.
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Tyanna, thanks for sharing! That takes courage.
Please correct me if I'm interpreting you wrong, but I sense that you were feeling conflicted about craving physical/touch affection from others while your intention was focused on giving yourself love in an internal, personal way. I am glad to see that you understand these two things don't contradict each other!
It sounds like you have been through some rough times – I extend sympathy and internet-hugs to you. It sounds, too, like you are on a good path and are taking the right steps to support your recovery from/adjustment to these experiences, so I applaud you for that.
Self-care is an amazing thing, too, and separate from self-love; self-love is generally about accepting yourself, flaws and all, while self-care is about taking the time and effort to prioritize your own needs and make sure they are met regularly. In general, women in our culture are conditioned to be beasts of burden, sacrificing self-care to care for others and putting everyone else's needs, preferences and desires ahead of their own. That can be a slippery slope to depression, and it certainly doesn't facilitate self-love.
That wasn't meant to be a lecture at you or anything – I am glad to see you prioritizing self-care, especially if you've spent a long time as a primary caregiver for someone else. I just wanted to sing the praises of self-care a bit. 🙂
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Tyanna, it sounds like you might be asking a very general question about a very specific issue. Is this playing out in your life in some way that has it on your mind? Of course you don't have to share if you don't want to, I just wanted to open the door for that question. You're free to not step through it.
"Truly" loving yourself is going to have different definitions for different people, and is going to feel different to different people. There are no strict and firm rules about what "loving yourself" means. So, does it mean you could or should be content without physical affection/contact? No, it does not. Likewise, if you are dissatisfied with the level and type of physical affection you are getting from someone in your life, that does not mean you don't truly love yourself.
Self-love is an amazing thing, but it is not everything. Loving yourself does not make you indepedent from the influence of other sources of love. In fact, loving yourself is a key stepping stone to being able to accept love from others, because by loving yourself, you indicate that you believe yourself to be worthy of love. (It's surprising and saddening how many women don't feel they deserve to be loved, and put up with unhealthy relationships because of this.)
This won't be true for everyone, because some people simply don't like to be touched, but look at it this way: By wanting and inviting others to touch you affectionately, you are deliberately requesting more love for yourself. Not because you don't have enough self-love, but because you love being loved! And there's nothing wrong with that.
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I think leave 50 shades up to interpretation 😉 although now you have me thinking of a BDSM dance, that could be fun!
Also, because I love alliteration, I think we should have Dubstep December.
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I like Shades of November! It’s true, the past few weeks have been crazy for a lot of people. Maybe some self-care is in order.
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I'm all for both of those! And pretty sure if you make it one, I'm going to do the other too! (i.e. work on non-dom side to dubstep music.)
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I suggested one a little while ago – Pole Pets! Since our pets often end up in our videos anyway, it would sort of be fun to purposefully include them. I got the idea when I was chasing my dog around my pole and doing chair spins to jump over him, LOL.
Other themes…
Hair Metal (although we did just do Rock n Pole)
It would be kinda fun to re-do the "You danced to WHAT?" challenge.
"World music" ? Like Celtic, Caribbean, African, Indian?
Sugar & Spice – Do a really sweet video and/or a really saucy one. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
A dance of gratitude for us U.S. folks that the election is almost freaking over!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
Or maybe you could challenge us all to work on stuff on our bad sides for a month. Which we all should be doing anyway but a reminder doesn't hurt.
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Haha AZ, seems we have a lot in common. 😉
My husband loves ranch too! Luckily he does like most fruits and vegetables, one of his favorite snacks is celery or cucumber with cottage cheese (though he'll eat a whole tub of the stuff at once – he's a big guy and obviously can handle more calories in a day than I can, but when he does that, I'm just like https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif). And I've gotten him to try and like a few new veggies, like acorn squash and sweet potatoes. But there are several veggies he doesn't like that I do, like zucchini, yellow crookneck squash and eggplant, and no matter what the condiments, he won't eat 'em.
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Eh, my position is, if there are plenty of other healthy foods that I like and am eating regularly, it's not gonna kill me if I can't switch to skim milk or natural PB. (Soy is a bad idea for me because of my thyroid – I was born with hypothyroidism, and large amounts of soy can further suppress an underactive thyroid.)
I'm willing to go through the adjustment period for some things. When I was on the South Beach diet a few years ago, I made the effort to find a way to like eggs, because they were so much part of the diet in the first phases. But I don't feel I have to make myself do that for everything – nor should I feel guilty that I prefer 2% milk or processed peanut butter to the alternatives.
For as stubborn as I can be, my husband is so much worse. There are some healthy things I like and would want to eat regularly, like whole-wheat pasta and whole-grain, high-fiber bread, but he won't go near the stuff. Convincing him to try it long enough to get through the adjustment period is pulling teeth; we've been together 10 years, I know better by now than to even try it.
So that means if I want the healthy stuff, I have to buy double the quantity, so I can get the stuff he will eat too. And for things like pasta, I even have to cook it separately. Even if I got to the point where I liked natural PB, if I bought it for myself and a jar of Jif to keep him happy… I'd have a hell of a hard time keeping my paws out of the Jif.
Of course, he is one of those people who, as soon as he starts exercising, drops weight like crazy regardless of the nutritional content of his food, so he doesn't have a lot of personal motivation to WANT to make healthier food choices, because he doesn't really have to do that to reach his goals. It's frustrating, but I'm not going to force him to eat foods he doesn't like, or spend double the amount on food (more than double – healthy food is so expensive!).
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I'm not knocking on people who like natural peanut butter, but after growing up on Jif, I found that stuff totally gross. I can eat Jif right out of the jar, but when I tried natural PB, it was like a flavorless, lumpy paste. Kind of like the difference between roasted, salted peanuts vs. completely raw peanuts. The taste is totally different, and to me, completely raw peanuts are just BLEH.
I'm of the opinion that I should not force myself to eat a healthy alternative to a favorite food if I don't find it satisfying. I grew up on whole milk too, and I've only been able to go down as far as 2%. Anything less than that stops tasting like milk to me, it's like milk-flavored water.
I've been able to adapt to some other things I used to not like – eggs, avocado – but even now I only like those things sparingly or in certain ways. I love scrambled eggs but hate them hard-boiled, the texture makes me gag. I like guacamole on sandwiches, but not as a dip for chips, nor do I like whole avocados.
To each her own, though.
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In response to ShonaLancs and others, I wanted to say the following on "abstinence vs. moderation" when it comes to those foods that are not ideal for weight loss.
Most nutrition & health advocates will say you shouldn't totally eliminate a food or food group from your diet. Most will advocate for moderation – yes, you can have chocolate, just not all the time.
I think for some people, this moderation approach can work. They can plan ahead and budget in a serving of chocolate on a regular basis and not suffer any detrimental consequences.
This requires willpower and dedication, though, and those are perhaps the two hardest parts of a workout plan. Not everyone thrives in those areas, including myself. I am prone to "give her an inch and she'll take a whole yard" when it comes to food that I should moderate. I have trouble sticking to the small serving sizes and reduced frequency needed to be able to include these things smartly. (Not just chocolate, either – I mean, almonds are good for you, but high in fat, so the recommended size for a snack is, like, 6 almonds. Yeah…no way I'm stopping at 6.)
For me personally, I've found it's better to err on the side of being too strict than being too lenient. Sure, chocolate can be regular part of a healthy diet – but not MY healthy diet, because I know it's just too easy to go overboard and start making justifications for all sorts of bad stuff.
So while moderation is a good rule of thumb, it's also OK to be more restrictive if that's what helps you stick with your own rules, as long as you're still getting good nutrition.
