[adamseve]

Glitter,

I feel so sad for you because I know how you feel as a child who’s also treated less than loved in lots of ways.

First, let me give you my thoughts as the parent of two girls who are only 3 1/2 years apart. I love both my girls equally and differently. My oldest is sooooo much like me that it’s scary. We talk 3-4 times a day and we do more things together than my youngest daughter. It’s not because I don’t want to do things with my youngest because I really, really do. She just doesn’t make the time to do things with me like my oldest. I don’t get upset; I simply continue to ask my baby girl to give me at least one night a month for just us. Also, I’ve asked her to call me more than once every 2 weeks. Really, it’s probably not that bad, but I’m one of those moms that has to talk to her kids daily. I have to know how they’re doing, what’s going on with them, etc. They are my best friends and the only ones I know love me unconditionally, no matter what. I’d give them the moon if I could. I know that Jas will come around and she is slowly but surey.

Chelle has gone through so much in her young life, and she’s so much more mature than Jas (most of the time https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif). Since they don’t have a good relationship with my parents or their dad’s parents (they never wanted one with mygirls–their loss!) she’s big on being around those that she loves including my brother and his family. We take trips together and we do one-on-one things so that I’m always in the loop and vice versa. I’m big on keeping the lines of communication open no matter how hard the subject.

I also love them based on how they need to be loved. No one child is alike and a parent needs to understand how to discipline in love and how to speak the love language of each child. My youngest needs to be praised and constantly told how well she’s doing. She also needs to know that you’re not going to hold things against her and keep throwing it up to her. My oldest needs to know you’re there for her and you’re going to love her the way she loves you.

Now, I do help my youngest daughter a tad more than my oldest. This is only because my youngest doesn’t have a job, but she’s in school. She’s been trying to find a part-time job since she was forced to quit her job in January as a security guard for a minimum security state prison. It was the best thing for her because she really couldn’t take the mental issues of the inmates. You can’t imagine the things she saw and heard. I was so glad she was finally out of there, but I do wish she could find a part-time job. Now I don’t pay rent or anything like that, but I do give her gas money and spending money every now and then so that she can still enjoy life. She uses the unused monies from finanical aid and her student loans to pay her bills.

I’m a touchy feelie hands on Mom. The main reason I’m so close to my girls is because I never, ever want my girls to feel unloved. There’s not been a day in their lives that they haven’t been told they are beautiful, smart, loved, and wanted. I’ve always felt not so attractive, not loved, and not wanted. I told myself if I ever had children they’d never feel that way. If no one on this Earth ever tells them these things they’ll never have to wonder! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

I do believe as a parent you will have times when you’re closer to one child than the other because of life changes. For example, when my oldest went off to college my younger daughter and I became much, much closer. Also, when Chelle was a pre-teen and didn’t want her baby sister tagging along with her and friends, Jas and I became best buddies. However, it didn’t make me love either child any less or more than the other.

Glitter, I would encourage you to read the book Rich Dad Poor Dad. It talks a great deal about how a family will help the child they feel is weak to the detriment of alienating a child they feel can stand on their own. Makes sense, but it’s not fair. In my opinion they cripple the weak child in that they never make them accountable or responsible.

Now that we got that out the way, I can share my story about feeling unloved by my entire family. I know they love me because I’m their family, but they don’t love me they way I deserve to be loved: unconditionally and 100%. I don’t care so much about cousins, aunts, etc., but I really miss having a loving relationship with my parents and a few of my cousins who I grew up with. Just this past Monday was the 1st time I saw my mother in almost a year. We’ve never had the best of relationships, but the straw broke the camel’s back last August. I wont’ get into details, but the jist of it is that my mother has let my dad and her religion take over her life where she didn’t seem to care that she was hurting her children and grand children. I thought that I had forgiven her, but when I saw her all the hurt and anger came rushing back. I finally made her talk to me and let her see my pain. For the 1st time in my life she admitted her wrongdoing and has vowed to get to know me. Don’t get me wrong, she’s said she didn’t do a good job as a mother because of all the chaos in her life, but I don’t care about that. I understand; I just want my mom to know me and love me the way a mother should love her child. My mother hadn’t held me in her arms in so long she didn’t realize she missed it until I she had to hold me because I couldn’t stop crying. She knew that she was wrong, but she didn’t know what to do to make things right. She still doesn’t know, but I’m willing to help her because I want a relationship with her.

Glitter, I think you’re going to have to sit your Mom down and tell her how you’re feeling and how it hurts you. I’m sure your Mom doesn’t mean to hurt you, but sometimes they don’t know when you’re as independent as you are. She could be doing just like Lilbit was doing with her daughter: allowing her to be who she was. It’s amazing hwo independence equates to "I don’t need anyone" with people, especially Moms. I had to learn how to let my daughters be independent by developing a friendship with them, but always letting them know that I’m Mom 1st, friend 2nd. That made all the difference in the world.

I hope this helps. Feel free to call me hun!

Hugs & Kisses

[adamseve]

Yeah! Classes are so much fun https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_bounce.gif Enjoy & don’t forget to tell us how it went. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif

[adamseve]

The "true" x ankle is supposed to be done with an ankle/shin grip – however it is much more difficult and can be more dangerous. you should be familiar with the cross leg version (thigh gripped) before attempting.

KT teaches "true" x ankle on her online lessons but not on the vertical dance DVD.

I am still afraid of the cross leg release – still freaks me right out. I am scared of a lot of moves – straight edge for one – it takes all my guts to do it – even though I can. I think the fear goes away the more you do it but we tend to avoid the moves that instill fear in us.

Charley thanks for sharing this with me. It makes me feel so much better to know that even the some of the best dancers & instructors have some fears.

You know…I need to look at KT’s vertical dance DVD to see how she teaches this one. I use her online lessons, Veena’s online lessons, and Art of Pole.

Thanks again!

[adamseve]

I don’t get scared of any particular moves per se – the fear I can’t get over is trying to invert in heels! No matter how low they are, even just trying a basic invert I just can’t bring myself to throw those sharp things around https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif I start and then halfway up just get hit with a mental wall. I always feel like a high heel could take out my eye or something if I fling it around too much. I can spin in them just fine though, and climb, and sit. Just no heels above the waist I guess https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif

I used to be scared to try moves in heels for the same reason. Somehow I’ve gotten past this, but just last week I scratched the heck out of my leg. I now have a 4 inch sore that I’m hoping will not leave a bad scar. So, I’m using Neosporin, Mederma, and cocoa butter to minimize any scarring. I’ve prided myself on scarless legs at my age and now I have one. But you know what…I’m not upset about it…If it doesn’t heal without a scar I can always call it my badge of honor! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif

Hoping you’ll get over your fear. I’ll be praying for you while I’m praying for me. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif

[adamseve]

Hun, I know exactly what you mean about losing your income and having to change your lifestyle. We’re in the same boat…But we’re going to be OK and come out this thing unscathed. I’m sending you positive vibes…Did you get ’em? https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif

I’m partial to carpet. My entire house is carpeted including our master bathroom. The only rooms without carpet are the laundry room, kitchen, 1/2 bath, and foyer. I don’t have a problem with it, but I can understand how some can.

I’m so glad that ballet slippers worked for you. You’re such an inspiration to each person and you give such great advice. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif I can’t wait to see your video!!!!! POST SOON OK!!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_salut.gif

[adamseve]

Mostly figuratively speaking, but sometimes literally! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif

[adamseve]

between your ankles??? for a cross ankle release, I have the pole b/n my thighs…now if I were doing an iguana mt or say an archer and wanted to pull back up onto the pole then I use more of a b/n the shin grip…but not as a hold and not for very long…

fear is one thing that I can honestly say I don’t have much of…especially when it is trying something new…now if I try something and it hurts like all get out…then maybe I’ll be a tad scared to do it again…https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif but only because I’m expecting the pain!

BTW…where did you decide to take your classes??

Roxy, I’m taking class at Xtreme Pole Fitness in Spartanburg. I also started classes with my former studio, The North Pole Dance Studio.

One class is for endurance and confidence…The other is for form and technique. One studio’s owner is self-taught and a former video dancer. She believes in jumping on the pole and doing it. She’s a tough cookie, but I wish we worked on form & technique more. Class is setup like a club! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif

My other studio owner and her daughter are being taught by Fiya Starter out of Atlanta. They focus on form & technique. Class is much quieter and focused, but I get to ask more questions. Additionally, they make sure each participant gets to perform the moves several times to work on getting it!

[adamseve]

Roxy, you have got to put up a vid with you performing these AWESOMELY hard moves!

You’re an awesome pole dancer so I knew you’d be getting to some of these moves soon. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[adamseve]

Thanks everyone.

I ALWAYS use my Pole-O-Mat when trying things I’m uncomfortable with and/or new to. Although you can’t see the mat, it’s there. Believe me.

Also, if I have the thought or feeling that I’m gonna fall or hurt myself I listen! The one time I didn’t listen I ended up hurting my shoulder blade and it took weeks for it to heal. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif

I’m not going to give up. I’m going to continue to work on the moves from lower on my pole to get more comfortable. I’m also going to work on building my strength. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

One thing I noticed is that everyone does the butterfly differently as well. KT Coates does the basic butterfly the way I was trying to do it in my video. However, Veena does it with her arm wrapped around the pole holding on. I’ve just got to find the way that’s most comfortable to me and get that darn leg to go back instead of forward.

If anyone has any more tips please, please share them! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[adamseve]

noooooooooooooooo let’s not trash talk your beautiful bodies!!!!!! we’re women! we’re SUPPOSED to have stretchmarks and cellulite and all that stuff, and that’s ok!!! guys don’t even notice that stuff anyways. i know i made posts in this forum about booties and thigh exercises, but knowing me i wouldn’t even do them if i knew of them lol. let’s celebrate our bodies instead of bash them!

I wish that were true. My husband notices them big time, but he’s never gonna tell me it turns him off, etc. I’m not so worried about my stretch marks as those are from giving birth. However, I’m not happy with the cellulite so it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t matter to my husband. I never ever thought I’d be 150 lbs, but I am. I like the womanly curves, but I don’t like the fat arms and the cellulite. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_evil.gif

I hate those darn sink holes in my legs and I want to tone them up FOR ME! But don’t believe the hype that men don’t notice them…They do! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif

[adamseve]

Glitter, honey, I’m so sorry to hear about your health concerns. I know you’re worried, but please keep an open mind that the urine test results could be another type of health concern other than an STD. I know that STDs can freak one out and I truly understand your fear. Please try your best not to that you might have an STD.

What I would encourage you to do is to think about your family’s medical history and consider if there are any autoimmune diseases or other health concerns that could be hereditary. I’m not trying to scare you, but urine tests can reveal kidney problems, diabetes, etc. So, really take an inventory of your family’s medical history. The more you know about these type things the more you can do to prevent and/or reduce the possibility of getting these health concerns.

Again…try your best not to worry about STD and be as proactive as you can to ease your mind.

I’ll be keeping you in my prayers sweetie!

Hugs & kisses

[adamseve]

Yeah…what about the booty & thighs? I really need to tone these areas and decrease the look of cellulite! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif

[adamseve]

Welcome!

You’re gonna love pole dancing and the Studio Veena members. With your background I’m sure you’ll be just fine and posting videos in no time.

Hugs & kisses https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[adamseve]

I 2nd what SissyBuns has already stated.

First off, welcome to the site.

Second, I’m about 150 lbs soaking wet and I’ve been pole dancing since February. It has taken me this long to finally feel confident in my abilities and portray sexy when I’m on the pole. I’m also finally getting the feeling of fluidty when I dance even though I still have tons of work to do to be as smooth as I’d like to be.

I beat myself up big time because I couldn’t get moves as fast as others and even wanted to quit. Keep in mind I’m a tad overweight as well even though I have a small frame. The reason why I wanted to quit was I kept comparing my progress with others. I had to learn, and some days I’m still learning https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif, that the learning curve for each of us is different. I was able to get the cradle much faster than others that look twice as strong as me. However, they were able to get the boomerang much faster than me!

In a nutshell, here’s what I’m saying: learn to appreciate yourself, your body, and who you are simply for being you while enjoying the adventures of pole dancing with all your friends on Studio Veena!!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif

Can’t wait to see your 1st video!

Hugs & kisses.

[adamseve]

Big congrats to you! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif Wonderful routine…You make us proud! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_thumright.gif