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“Middle child” syndrome in class – how to deal?
I’ve been poling with my teacher for about 3 years (I followed her when she left the studio near my house). I really like how she teaches (and it doesn’t seem I currently have better places to learn, so leaving her isn’t really an option), but lately I’ve been feeling like the proverbial “middle child”.
A few months ago, a few acrobats started coming to class. They are really advanced, even though they are new to pole. She loves working with them because she can give them advanced tricks.
Also, there’s always the flux of all the newer students, who need her attention.
So, over the past three months, I’ve been feeling that I’m being kind of left behind. During classes, she’ll show us (me and a few other girls who are intermediate level) a trick or two and leave us for the advanced and newbies, who will take up most of her time. I feel that she doesn’t stick around enough to help us with learning new things, which I really need. We’re kind of left to fend for ourselves because we’re good enough to know not to do stupid stuff.
Furthermore, I’m a bit heavier than some of the other girls I usually work with, so there’s only one or two other girls who I trust to spot me when I’m trying something new.I hope I’m making sense… Is there a nice way to point out that I’d like a bit more attention during class without making my teacher feel like I’m accusing her?
Thanks
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6 Replies
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Try having a quiet chat with her after class – she probably hasn’t even realized she’s doing it. I have a very quiet lady in my classes, and I’ve had to make a point of going to her regularly, otherwise we’ll get to the end of a lesson and I’ll suddenly realize I haven’t worked with her at all. Unfortunately the more vocal ladies do tend to get more attention because they demand it. Don’t feel bad for asking for your share of attention – you’ve paid for it just as much as anybody else in the class has, and you have just as much right to it.
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Sounds like a typical multi level class problem. Ask her if she would be willing/has enough interest to separate you guys by level into separate classes. Then her time won’t be so divided.
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Thanks for the answers. @dustbunny – she doesn’t have enough students to split them into separate classes according to level, although I wish she would. She’s tried doing it in the past but if she only has two beginner lessons a week and two advanced lessons, people start with the “but I can’t make it at this time, so could I please come to the other class…?” and then people are coming whenever they want.
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RoMo, that sounds like a really awkward position to be in. You could approach your teacher after class and say something like: “I love your classes so much, but lately I’m feeling like I’ve reached a plateau and was wondering if you could give me some more feedback/guidance during class to help me get out of my slump” or: “You’re a fantastic teacher, but lately I’m feeling like I’m just not getting these new/old moves and was wondering if you could help me get more confident in them.” The benefit of this is that you’re not making any accusations – just asking for more instruction for yourself. The drawback is that you’re not addressing the real problem and kind of hoping your instructor will pick up on it herself, which might be construed as a bit passive-aggressive.
Alternately, you could be more direct and just gently call attention to the fact that there’s a lot going on in class, and although she’s a wonderful instructor, you feel that you’re not getting as much out of the class as you used to now that her attention is so divided between so many students at so many different levels. As long as the comments are more about the class structure/size and less about her she probably won’t feel like she’s being attacked or accused.
If she gets upset or defensive when you approach her with feedback I’d seriously consider taking a good look at your options. Even if you have to drive a little further away or pay a little more it’s better to have an attentive teacher you feel comfortable with (I mean…you’re practically putting your life into your pole teacher’s hands!).
Let us know how it goes!
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@StrangeFox Thanks for the reply.
In the end, I went over the last three months in my pole journal and picked a few goals. I told my teacher that I have defined a few goals for myself and shared them with her. I think she seemed happy that I have goals of my own as it may take a bit off of her looking for new stuff to give us. During the last class, I worked on landing my handspring with my partner and during class when she came by to our pole, she didn’t have to look for tricks for us. Instead, she helped me with my handspring and I finally got it on my own! (During the 3 seconds no one was looking!!! But I have it on my phone and ended up doing it a few more times that lesson.)
I hope the next few weeks I’ll continue to improve. 🙂
Thanks! -
Glad you got it sorted and everything turned out great!
Oooh! Congrats on the handspring! That’s a move I keep working at but feel like I’m going nowhere with! LOL! Must be so satisfying to finally nail that move. 🙂 Please keep us posted on your progress and post vids!
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