I’m 15 and I want to pole so bad I can’t see straight but….

[ShonaLancs]

Wow!! My suggestion would be to work on building your strength at home so that when you do get the chance to play on a pole you are strong and will progress quicker.
Push/press ups, crunches, squats, weights (tins of food / bottles of water work as good weights if you don’t have any) and cardio work will all help to prepare your body for finally getting on that pole! And, when you can get to that rusty pole outside then you could practice climbing it, pull ups, doing knee tucks etc. Those are strength moves, and might not be viewed by your parents as ‘poling’ in the ‘ provocative’ sense that they probably believe it to be. 🙂

[NightFall]

Oh sweetheart, it's tough having parents who are that strict. i grew up in the middle east, and suprisingly enough it's not much different to how you discribe your life. Apart from not needing to actually do anything religious other than not be seen eating in public in ramadan. All the same, i hated feeling like a little doll who had to look and act a certain way!

I'm concerned about that rusty pole in the ground, it might not be smooth and cut you. It sounds like a trip to get a tetanus jab and a lot of explaining and then family drama. 

I think you should probably just join some other dance classes and maybe yoga or strength classes for now (How would your mom feel about Arial Silks, for example? Or gymnastics?) , and save pole for when you're able to go to college or move out. it's only 3 years away and that time will fly if yoour absorbed learning how to be graceful and strong..and then you'll hit the pole like POW because you already have flexibility, strength and know how to dance. I think just taking any classes would help you for now because you really need some fresh air and to hang out with other people. You can't live under a glass bell jar and I hope your mom understands that.

xxxx

 

 

 

[NightFall]

and PS, no matter what your parents can hope for, they can't control you after you move out of their home. Come on with that "you can pole for your husband". Start planning school and career /job options so you can get free! that's what i did.

xxx

[Machiv Leahna]

Actually I don’t want to go to college,I want to be a singer.I’ve wanted that since I was 5.I was in a relationship,and the guy was over 18….we were foolish and right now he’s sitting in jail.Prison next.He doesn’t mind.I was forced to grow up early.I could cook for 8 people,keep a 2 story house,and take care of 3 kids at 11.I know because I did.I had to go through a psych eval,and I tested out as 17 and 8 months academically.I was often mistaken as my 20 year old sisters OLDER sister.I have gone through two years of molest from my brother.(18 now)Not rape so the police did nothing about it.Mom and Dad sent him away this year and he molested me worse then ever.Barged in on me,cornered me,then fely me up naked.Worse,he told me he was in love with me,and told me that he had had wet dreams about me,and that I’d be sexy in the blue push up bra I keep in the back of my personal drawer.He moved out the next week.He fits the bill for a psychopath,he is the best liar I have ever known.He would say something like…I hsd to use the bathroom and I didn’t know she was getting dressed,and my hand brushed he when I handed her a towel.And yeah,of course I love her,she’s my sister,adopted or not.You know how she’s sensative,she probably took it the wrong way.I’d never do anything to lose her trust,especially after how I wronged hes.Crying,of course.Last time he was caught grinding me…he told dad I seduced him.Dad dropped the subject immediately seeing how I was the only female under 200lbs.I am actually 105.I jump for a relationship that was loving,caring and 2 sided.Simon,the guy in jail,wanted to get me out of this house,and even to marry me.He realized that after he was in a crash that should have killed him.There is a rule in our house that if a girl has sex she MUST marry the guy.Simon was sexually abused way worse than I ever was,but we both wanted to make love,and to never have to part.Simon saved my life,I was almost ready to kill myself when I met him.He gave me life,and love.He was terrified of the age difference,and of love,and sex…But after my mother started acting crazy he wanted to get me out.It turned out my parents changed their mind on the marriage rule,maybe because they don’t believe in interracial marriage.They wanted to pick the man I married.They called the cops,and Simon is happily in jail.I am not lying.When he gets out he can marry me.I may go to college just to give me something to do.He will be in anywhere from 6 months to 10 years….I’m not taking it as well as Simon.He gets job training,education,pay,healthcare,and plenty of time to think.I am young,but I can’t go a day without thinking of him.My parents have yet to learn when you force a child to grow up to fast,she’ll fall in love just like a 20 year old.A quote from my baby book,I’m 1 1/2.What is God?“God is a blessing”One and a half!!!Pole dancing for my husband,well it’s not that easy.Simon doesn’t want me to hurt myself or doing anything associated with strip clubs.I can talk him into anything…almost.If I already know how and show him the beauty without turning black and blue he would definately approve.As for Simon,I’ve known him since I was 12.Everyone thought I was 17.He fell for me,then found out I was 12.When I was 14 he found out about the molest.I have yet to see more pain in anyone’s eyes.This handsome,strong,Japanese guy was shaking with pain and rage.He stopped my brother from molest me.He actually taught me some karate,then found out I couldn’t hit or scream when I needed to.He shared with me how he felt about me,I shared how I felt.I will be 16 soon,so thats 4 years since I met him.He said I helped him feel more mature,and he helped me to smile,laugh,live,breathe,think,question things….He introduced me to the idea women were NOT meant to cook,clean,provide sex,children,do laundry,and mindlessly obey her husbands every command.When he asked me what I believed a woman should do he looked at me like”What have these loons been teaching you,must get you out of here ASAP”.He spent two years obeying my parents every rule,and trying to win their heart.When that didn’t work we resorted to the sex rule…you would have to know him to understand that that was a difficult risk choice he decided to take.It almost worked.Now he is in jail,and I know the wardan.I know about the food,bed checks,role calls,work details,cuffs,bars,no privacy.As of last week he was still in good spirits.My parents have loosened up…they let me listen to the radio as long as they can’t hear it.I want to pole to take my mind off things,be free for a changa.If I end up aching in pain,I am feeling.I don’t mean to brag,but I have a VERY good voice…that may be my way out.I have been training my voice for 8 years now,and my parents have agreed to voice lessons from a Christian teacher.I work at least 4 hours a day on singing,and at last count have memorized 87 songs ranging from Frank Sonatra to Katy Perry.Music is my secret life.I’m sorry for rambling,but I just had to get this off my chest.I’m sure I have typos as I have not slept all night.The gist though is I really want to pole to get my mind off things.Ohhh,and the pole outside works beautifully,I’ll just have to be very careful.Thank you guys….I’ve never told this stuff to anyone.

[Machiv Leahna]

Actually I don’t want to go to college,I want to be a singer.I’ve wanted that since I was 5.I was in a relationship,and the guy was over 18….we were foolish and right now he’s sitting in jail.Prison next.He doesn’t mind.I was forced to grow up early.I could cook for 8 people,keep a 2 story house,and take care of 3 kids at 11.I know because I did.I had to go through a psych eval,and I tested out as 17 and 8 months academically.I was often mistaken as my 20 year old sisters OLDER sister.I have gone through two years of molest from my brother.(18 now)Not rape so the police did nothing about it.Mom and Dad sent him away this year and he molested me worse then ever.Barged in on me,cornered me,then fely me up naked.Worse,he told me he was in love with me,and told me that he had had wet dreams about me,and that I’d be sexy in the blue push up bra I keep in the back of my personal drawer.He moved out the next week.He fits the bill for a psychopath,he is the best liar I have ever known.He would say something like…I hsd to use the bathroom and I didn’t know she was getting dressed,and my hand brushed he when I handed her a towel.And yeah,of course I love her,she’s my sister,adopted or not.You know how she’s sensative,she probably took it the wrong way.I’d never do anything to lose her trust,especially after how I wronged hes.Crying,of course.Last time he was caught grinding me…he told dad I seduced him.Dad dropped the subject immediately seeing how I was the only female under 200lbs.I am actually 105.I jump for a relationship that was loving,caring and 2 sided.Simon,the guy in jail,wanted to get me out of this house,and even to marry me.He realized that after he was in a crash that should have killed him.There is a rule in our house that if a girl has sex she MUST marry the guy.Simon was sexually abused way worse than I ever was,but we both wanted to make love,and to never have to part.Simon saved my life,I was almost ready to kill myself when I met him.He gave me life,and love.He was terrified of the age difference,and of love,and sex…But after my mother started acting crazy he wanted to get me out.It turned out my parents changed their mind on the marriage rule,maybe because they don’t believe in interracial marriage.They wanted to pick the man I married.They called the cops,and Simon is happily in jail.I am not lying.When he gets out he can marry me.I may go to college just to give me something to do.He will be in anywhere from 6 months to 10 years….I’m not taking it as well as Simon.He gets job training,education,pay,healthcare,and plenty of time to think.I am young,but I can’t go a day without thinking of him.My parents have yet to learn when you force a child to grow up to fast,she’ll fall in love just like a 20 year old.A quote from my baby book,I’m 1 1/2.What is God?“God is a blessing”One and a half!!!Pole dancing for my husband,well it’s not that easy.Simon doesn’t want me to hurt myself or doing anything associated with strip clubs.I can talk him into anything…almost.If I already know how and show him the beauty without turning black and blue he would definately approve.As for Simon,I’ve known him since I was 12.Everyone thought I was 17.He fell for me,then found out I was 12.When I was 14 he found out about the molest.I have yet to see more pain in anyone’s eyes.This handsome,strong,Japanese guy was shaking with pain and rage.He stopped my brother from molest me.He actually taught me some karate,then found out I couldn’t hit or scream when I needed to.He shared with me how he felt about me,I shared how I felt.I will be 16 soon,so thats 4 years since I met him.He said I helped him feel more mature,and he helped me to smile,laugh,live,breathe,think,question things….He introduced me to the idea women were NOT meant to cook,clean,provide sex,children,do laundry,and mindlessly obey her husbands every command.When he asked me what I believed a woman should do he looked at me like”What have these loons been teaching you,must get you out of here ASAP”.He spent two years obeying my parents every rule,and trying to win their heart.When that didn’t work we resorted to the sex rule…you would have to know him to understand that that was a difficult risk choice he decided to take.It almost worked.Now he is in jail,and I know the wardan.I know about the food,bed checks,role calls,work details,cuffs,bars,no privacy.As of last week he was still in good spirits.My parents have loosened up…they let me listen to the radio as long as they can’t hear it.I want to pole to take my mind off things,be free for a changa.If I end up aching in pain,I am feeling.I don’t mean to brag,but I have a VERY good voice…that may be my way out.I have been training my voice for 8 years now,and my parents have agreed to voice lessons from a Christian teacher.I work at least 4 hours a day on singing,and at last count have memorized 87 songs ranging from Frank Sonatra to Katy Perry.Music is my secret life.I’m sorry for rambling,but I just had to get this off my chest.I’m sure I have typos as I have not slept all night.The gist though is I really want to pole to get my mind off things.Ohhh,and the pole outside works beautifully,I’ll just have to be very careful.Thank you guys….I’ve never told this stuff to anyone.

[Machiv Leahna]

HOW DO I DELETE THIS!?! I WAS EMOTIONAL AND PUT MY WHOLE STORY UP.REALLY DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT!!!

[NightFall]

That is some heavy luggage, and i'm so sorry for all of it especially being parted from someone you love dearly!

I think putting your hopes on him coming out and getting married, and moving out of home that way is too risky because there are too many "ifs"..i'm not trying to be a downer, but what if he gets in trouble and has to stay longer? What if he doesn't find a job right away so you still have to live with your grandparents? If you put all your hope on one person, it's easy to get crushed. I want to look out for you. I want to protect you from more pain. 

So, that's why I recommended thinking of what you can do job wise (college was just an example of a way to get out of the family home) to get out of home. Sining is something you'll need to do as a hobby untill you see a way to make money out of it. I know that is harsh to hear, but that's reality. 

Try and be strategic, talk to a school career person, really try and point everything you have at getting towards being perfect for particular feild, or if you can't find something then just having stuff that looks good for hiring. Anything, like being in an after school club or doing community work looks good alongside good grades. I literally spent ALL my childhood and teenage years just working towards good grades for college/work. 

Your grandpa needs a kick for dropping the subject as if there was ANY possibility a person who was molested would later seduce her molester. Really, you need to get out that house. Talk to school counsellor about possible job options, some types of work do internships – ie. they train you to work there- or do training weeks for people still at school. Some girls i gave a tour to were excited about becoming paralegals after school. You might even find that with your background you might like to work as a counsellor to help people who are going through what you went through. Jot down some ideas of what you'd like to do, what you think you're intersted in. You'll still be able to sing, but you need to pay those bills. 

xxx

[Machiv Leahna]

Ummm,I’m homeschooled.No job without transportation,no transportation without a job.Insurance is something my PARENTS,not grandparents won’t pay for.I can’t drive without insurance.I can’t get a liscence if it has a chance of costing them money.And I need good grades,and I am really behind because the depression killed my brain.I school all year long,and even on Saturday after chores.Parents won’t let me get a job run by males,drive me to the job,let me bike,walk or even take off from school long enough to work.They also believe a woman’s place is in the home to obey men.Pastor,father,or husband.I am working on a plan to get a job mucking the stable 3 house down in exchange for experience.The experience would get me hired at the vet when all the volunteers are in school.The vets is a 20 minute walk,and my parents can tolerate me doing that because I love animals,and animals are generally not going to tell a daughter to rebel against her parents.I thought of all this long ago.I would really have to get a lucky break like Elvis,Susan Boyle,..,ugg..,,Justin Bieber,Carly Ray Jebson,Christina Grimmie,ect…did to be a singer.Not likely.Thank guys Especially Night Fall

[NightFall]

The mucking out and vet plan sound GREAT! It's a first step and after that other steps can happen. I feel horrible for how isolated you've been kept…you can't even ask a councellor at shchool to speak up for you. It's normal to feel depressed and demotivated in your situation. I was the whole time i was at home (except at drama class which i looked forward to all week long). Keep fighting and keep looking at the long game. You're tough as nails to have made it this far, so keep in there.  And don't ever feel like asking people for help or letting them know what your home is like is showing yourself to be weak or whatever, ok? Most people will want to help you in whatever small way they can, and we definitly need help from others in this world sometimes. 

xxxx

[Dwiizie]

I'm sorry that you've had this sort of trauma in your life. You will find your own journey. One thing I thought of: "Pole dance for Jesus". Check it out, maybe that at least help your argument? http://abcnews.go.com/US/hallelujah-christians-pole-dance-jesus-texas/story?id=13194891 Good luck lady <3

[Dancing Paws]

You should look in to aerial silks. The movement and look is similar to pole, so it would be good training for you until you can get into pole as an adult.

It saddens me when people expect teenagers to act like adults, but not treat them like adults.

An education is the best thing you can do for yourself. Knowledge is power. It's a good idea to at least get an associates degree so that you have something to fall back on if your initial goals don't work out.

[adAstra]

Polariz5, it is so frustrating what your brother has gotten away with; my brother did, too. But don't feel bad that you've shared your story here because I can tell you with certainty that here you will not get any reaction except compassion and support. I agree with NightFall that you should find a way out so you can work and start building experience and maybe save some money, although from the sounds of it you would have to keep it secret. It might be a good idea to become involved in some church activities so you can meet more people. Who knows, you might meet someone that would offer you more opportunites or even someone you can trust that would help you. Keep working on your voice, but make sure you keep working towards an career that you can live off while your singing career takes off. 

As for your grades, all I can say is that when you mentioned your struggles with school is that I had a huge flashback to my high school days. My mother was physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive and on top of that I was dealing with my brother molesting my 7 year old sister, 2 year old male cousin, and catching him touching me in my room at night. I was called a liar and treated badly for saying anything and, if you can believe it, my brother later wrote a scholarship essay about how I lied about him and got a full ride scholarship! I was depressed, betrayed, angry and just could not function. Don't blame yourself for reacting this way; how else could you?!  Just do the best you can and don't forget about community colleges because they have a better acceptance rate and tons of support, plus free counseling. Don't rule college out because it opens so many doors, not to mention that you could even study music and train your voice.

As for poling, I have a pole at home but can hardly do anything on it because I am so weak so for now just focus on strength. If you can't walk in the grass in your yard, jog in place, and look up body weight exercizes so you can progress even if you don't have weights. Just please don't give up on your dreams and don't be affraid to reach out for help. I personally have found so much strength and compassion in this site and if your mom will let you keep using the site I recommend you keep at it! Good luck and alll my best wishes.

xo adAstra

[Dancing Paws]

I want to let you know that poling isn't meant to be a dance for the men in our lives. I tis dancing for ourselves. Most of our men don't even pay attention when we practice anymore.

I truly hope you can find a way to make some friends. Being without the contact of people who share our likes and passions can be a trigger for depression. It certainly makes me depressed to be without my friends.

[glitterqueen]

I was homeschooled, and now my mom is my biggest pole supporter. But I'm sure that the other moms in our group would STILL have a heartattack ten years after all of us graduated if their daughters wanted to pole.

 

I'm confused that they'll let you belly dance though? 

[Machiv Leahna]

They don’t let me bellydance,I do it in my room or the bathroom.I just got on my brothers facebook,he was talking about how he hated rejection.Get this,I only had 6 people on my facebook,he friended all of them.I live in a small ”city.”Everyone knows everything about everyone here.Going to Fred’s (a little like a tiny walmart) people gossip and go out of their way to ignore me.If I ever got a pole,the mail man would know and would tell the town gossip.Life isn’t really that bad since I’m used to it.I have to go before a grand jury sometime within the next 3-6 months.I’m going to be asked questions about sex,the pregnancy,my miscarriage last year,cutting….I’ve been questioned three times and nothing came up about my lifestyle except my intrests.I mentioned lightly that I had a part time job trying to talk my mom into letting me poledance.They then asked me why I didn’t date.I would rather love one man,that to look for another fish in the sea when I already caught a whale.Me and my analogies….I want to please my parents,they love me,and I don’t want to hurt my mom but…. The biggest thing I ever asked for was to pole.I didn’t want friends,clothes,expensive things.I ask for animals as a joke.I am adopted.My birthmom was a cocaine alcoholic pole dancing stripper.I wasn’t suppose to live.Mom prayed and helped me through my motor skill excercises as a baby.She believes God healed me.My IQ is 112 I think,or 115.I work hard at what I want to,but I can barely finish 6th grade material.I know it,but I stare at the page for 6 hours a day.All my parents care about is school.Before I was depressed,while with Simon,and my brother was away I was doung algebra,geometery,deep biology(censored by my mother),I was learning Japanese on the side by listening to Simon talk to himself.I hate school.I do it 6 days a week,and don’t do anything but stare at the paper.I wake up,Dad says ”I hope you get some school done” or ”sleep well so you can do well in school” or ”How many pages have you done?” All that before hello.I’m studying the ACT at the moment on my own and loving it.I don’t want to leave my mom and hurt her,but she doesn’t realize she hurts me all the time…I really have no way to go or stay.I don’t know what to do….