Forums Discussions A mothers day story to give you hope and make you smile

  • A mothers day story to give you hope and make you smile

    Posted by poledanceromance on May 10, 2010 at 4:28 am

    I know a lot of us struggle with pole and our parents, so I wanted to share my mothers day story with you all in hopes that maybe it will encourage some of you to find a new connection with your mothers. 
    Those who have read my blogs and posts since I first joined (I.e. Those brave enough to sift through the nonsense I constantly spew LOL) might remember the uncertain grounds I tread with my parents and pole in the beginning. Neither are too comfortable with the idea of stripping, especially with regards to their daughter, and they have a tendency to worry about how their oldest is viewed. By that I mean they’ve always had a kid who was teased and bullied so they worry when they see me face negative social pressures and stigmas/wish I didn’t have to face them. So I was afraid they would be concerned that people would judge me because of it. Actually, it was my mom who brought it up. She told me, while laughing, that my "aunt" (close family friend, you know how it goes) was taking pole dance classes but was super ashamed and didn’t want anyone to know. So I decided the time was right to bust out the parent friendly YouTube videos. Their jaws hit the floor and they both were just shocked that they "had no idea this art was out there." totes awesome. But I am pretty conservative around my parents so it was a hard gap for me to bridge. And I had decided I wouldn’t try to demo anything for them until I could do a split grip jacknife to straightedge to aysha combo. Dunno why I decided on that one. I guess to me that’s impressive,or at least the sort of thing I think my parents would find impressive, whatever that means in pole. 
    Fast forward to mothers day 2010. My parents drove down to see me and we were hanging out at my apartment before going to dinner. I’d tested the waters last visit by leaving the pole up but not doing anything with it and they said nothing other than asking how it went together/remarking at the engineerig of the thing. Today, my mom came out and said (after a glass of wine) "SO. I wanna see you pole dance." I just go "…thanks mom." and she just says "I bet it’s beautiful." well that did it. I guess it was time. I busted out the dry hands, just for that added security in case fate should have me wipe out in front of the rents, and manage to bust out the best and most flawless and super-pretty-leaned-out-from-the-pole jacknife/straightedge/aysha I’ve ever busted. Even held the straightedge for a ten count for effect. (Thank you again sissy for making my life with your miracle goo!) they almost died. And then my dad starts INSTANTLY fumbling for his camera (he’s quite the photog) and snapping pics, grumbling about how hard it is to anticipate what I’m going to do. THAT’S RIGHT. They loved it so much i had to change into shorts and be photographed! My mom even snapped a pic with my dad and I both on the pole LOL! 
    Really, this is amazing for two reasons. First, because my parents came full-circle to pole as an art form. But second, and more important to me personally, they reinforced to me that I can and deserve to dance beautifully without fear of judgement. Aside from not doing hip rolls, I changed nothing about my dancing or trick style for them, and they found it beautiful, not sexualized. Yes, this is largely because I’m their daughter, but that proves my point. They didn’t go into it expecting to see sexy; a lot of people my age say I have "stripper skills," quite frankly, because they think I’m attractive and look at me as though I’m a sex object on the pole. When I had my first pseudo-performance experience at my boyfriends birthday party, I didn’t say anything about it here because it mostly resulted in my mans friends-straight male and lesbian alike-eyehumping me all night long and fawning over how "hot" it was. I kept the sexy pretty much to a miminum in my dancing that night. This reinforced for me that the problem of stigma is in the eye of the beholder, not in our dancing. Leave it to my own parents to truly empower me as a pole dancer. Because they see me as a daughter and not a sex object, they saw the beauty in it. If we can present ourselves to our parents that way, and play on the loving and supportive light they can’t help but see us, we can develop a deeper bond with them and gain support for our art via our mama bears! Not only did I get to know my parents better as adults today, I also created two new adament supporters of the art. All in all, I think this mothers day was really what the day is all about for me: celebrating the ways in which our relationships with our mothers can grow and evolve to face new challenges as a team, the way t should be. Happy mothers day to all the momma veeners! And remember, each new path with your children, no matter how scary or unexpected, could be a route to a deeper bond and new and wonderul experiences.       

    k2weller replied 14 years ago 6 Members · 5 Replies
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