The Worst Psychiatrist

Runemist34
Sep 14, 2016
Sooo, I just went to see the psychiatrist for the first time. This is not pole related, and it's mostly just me getting things out and dealing with what happened. You don't need to read it if you don't want to. Sometimes it just helps me to write things to someone, rather than just to myself.

So, some background is that I have an anxiety disorder, as well as depression. I also have a lot of trauma in my background, it sucks. I've seen countless counselors, I've failed to have a successful job for a long time, and in general, I have struggled to live a normal life.

I am seeing a psychiatrist because my normal Dr believes that the psych's recommendation for me to go on disability will be better than my dr's, because "he has more letters behind his name." Great, thanks, all the other people who have written letters and such apparently don't count? I wasn't overly excited to see this particular "professional," because I know what psychiatrists are technically for (they are for finding the right kind of drug for you, and adjusting the dose), and my mom has also seen the same psychiatrist with... unfortunate results.

So, upon meeting him, he says that I should "Tell him about me." Umm, sorry, but that's a REALLY open-ended question! Hard to know what he's looking for, so I said that, and asked him to clarify. Apparently that wasn't what he was looking for, and he just skipped right past that.
He told me that I do not have PTSD (despite several other health professionals saying that I do) because "kids get in fights, but they get over it." Apparently a person cannot have trauma from something that happened when they were 6 years old, because they just get past it. Which, frankly, seems to be information from some other planet to me. Nearly being killed was kind of a big thing in my life, and yeah, I was 6 years old... but I never really seemed to "get past it."
He told me that getting the jobs I've been working was probably the reason I didn't like them, because they were all "beneath me" and, since I have a degree, I should get a better job. As if, somehow, that would solve all my problems.
He told me I should have a "more positive attitude" because APPARENTLY somehow having anxiety and depression isn't a factor here.

He said several insulting things, like "Well, everyone finds life to be stressful." YEAH, no shit! I'm smart enough to know that, and to see that my own responses are abnormal!

So, his conclusion was that I should be on some drugs for about 6 months, and then I can be taken off them, and I shouldn't have anxiety anymore, other than the occasional relapse.

I feel awful. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, and I want to throw up. I cried in his office, trying to explain things to him, and he didn't seem interested in that at all. I felt so insulted, like he just wasn't interested in trying.
I'm always open to discussing things and talking to people about my troubles, but when I'm insulted and talked down to, told that my own experience is somehow "incorrect," and definitely not convinced that he has my best interest at the fore of his mind...
Well, I'm going to try to see someone else. And, if that doesn't work, I guess he's going to have a bit of a battle on his hands. I might feel small and tiny and like a constant failure all the time, but I won't put up with that shit.
lauraann294Hey, first off I am so sorry to hear that you had such a seriously awful experience. This psychiatrist's behavior is COMPLETELY unethical and deplorable. He may not be a therapist and his job may not necessarily be to talk things out with you to the same extent that a therapist would, but that does not mean that he should not have empathy and compassion towards his patients! I am so so sorry that this happened to you. As someone who sees a therapist and a psychiatrist that are both wonderful, just know that there are good ones out there, they can just be tough to find :/

That being said, don't let what this person said invalidate your experiences and/or feelings. Regardless of what anyone diagnoses you with, when it comes to things like PTSD especially, no one can tell you how a traumatizing event does or does not continue to affect you! Regardless of how long ago it happened. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he suffers from military combat related PTSD so I have some experience with seeing what it's like to go through that and I know that you must be hurting.

Please, please don't give up trying to find professional help. This is not something you should have to bear alone. Finding a good therapist and/or psychiatrist is kind of like shopping around for the right dress, or even like dating! Eventually you'll find the right fit.

ALSO. Just please know that your experiences are NOT "incorrect" because this asshat acted like a complete dickwad. I understand what it's like to feel like the tiniest person in the world and like a constant failure, but know that you aren't! I know I don't know you, but I know that you aren't.

If you ever want to message me to talk or vent or something, I'm here! It will be okay! <3 And don't forget to turn to pole if you need some serious stress relief.
Sep 15, 2016
Runemist34Thanks Laurann!
I know that there are good ones out there, it's just so frustrating to meet people who are in this kind of business and world who are so... backwards. I can't imagine how he somehow missed the entire body of research talking about childhood trauma. I think it's funny he told me to "Trust the experts" (meaning to trust him to make the right decisions for me) when I have seen a plethora of other experts in the mental health world, and they are all quite certain I have trauma in my background!
I'm going to be requesting to see someone else, and talking to my GP about this experience, for sure. I'm actually a little wary of taking the drugs this psychiatrist prescribed, mainly because they are 150 mg! I could barely handle 30mg of a similar drug! I mean, I'll try it probably over the weekend, but... I tend to be quite sensitive to drugs :/
As always, I'll keep everyone posted! And I'm still dancing, and loving it! I'm excited for the weather to turn a little colder so I can get out and run again, too!
Sep 15, 2016
emmasculatorWow. What an ass. Only an idiot would belittle the experiences of someone else under the guise of "help" That is just shameful. I honestly think one of the worst feelings in the world is to open up to someone about your struggles only to have them trivialized. Its just shameful, really. Anyone who would do that to someone , especially when they are in a professional aid giving position should seek employment elsewhere. What a buffoon! I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sound just horrible horrible!
Sep 17, 2016
Runemist34Emmasculator, unfortunately... I'm actually sort of used to it. I realized the other day that, often, when I'm talking to new people (be they dr's or counsellors or whatever) about what I have gone through, and my issues, they tend to assume one of two things: I am either "too intelligent" to have real problems, or that I am somehow quite ignorant of what's going on in my head (for example, that I have self-esteem issues). It confuses me a lot!
But this guy was a special kind of frustrating. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I don't see him again.
Sep 17, 2016
emmasculator...why are people so stupid? None of those statements makes sense. I thought these people were supposed to be highly educated and intelligent. That's so disheartening. :( I would tell you not to let it get to you...but that is easier said than done.
Sep 17, 2016
Runemist34Haha, I have asked myself the question of "why are people so stupid" many times ;) Don't have an answer yet!
I know, these people are supposed to be educated and intelligent... But as my friend (a psych nurse) said, some of them can have a bit of a "god complex," believing they are immediately correct, that they need not treat each person special. I'm not really sure why or how they expect it to work, but I also think that many people simply don't protest.
Easier said than done not to let it get to me... but I have dealt worse things than people questioning my life, and making assumptions. It takes a bit of time, but I'm far more stubborn than they are ignorant :P I get past it, find someone better.
Sep 18, 2016
bformosa922163Hey there, one thing that annoys me is how they can so easily give you a prescription for drugs as some sort of cure. It may work in the short term [if at all] but in the long term, i really don't see how they are effective. I've suffered from anxiety ever since I could remember, to the point of making me physically ill. At age 14, when I started high school, every morning before school, I would always be sick to my stomach and most mornings I ended up in the bathroom vomiting my guts up... My parents ended up taking me to see a doctor and all the doctor did was have me take a urine test because she assumed that I was pregnant [even though I was a virgin at the time]. Growing up with anxiety can be difficult, not just for you, but for people around you. I never really understood what was wrong with me growing up. Throughout primary school, I was a voluntary mute and when my parents took me to see a specialist, he just said that I would grow out of it. I never was diagnosed for it. It was only a few years ago when I did some research, that I realised I was suffering from anxiety. The only reason I researched was because it was affecting my relationship with my current partner. I wouldn't say that I'm cured now, but I've definately learnt how to live with it better. I don't think you can be 100% 'cured'. It takes time. I think what truly helps is coming to terms with it and making the most of the situation. Knowing what triggers your anxiety helps a lot. Unfortunately, with anxiery, you're more proned to depression. I hope you find what you need in order to improve your anxiety. I know its easier said than done. It can be hard for some people to understand and believe that you can just snap out of it, but it's so much more complex than that. I know it's cliche, but having a good support system can help. It's probably worth shopping around for a good psychiatrist. Nothing worse than someone who is meant to help you, does the complete opposite to that.

Sep 18, 2016
Runemist34bformosa, I know how it goes. I'm very sorry you have anxiety, as well. I had trauma when I was little, and I ended up becoming so anxious I couldn't handle it, and simply shut down. I was depressed from about the age of 8, to about 22, with little breaks, if any at all. I learned to live with very little emotion, and unable to connect with people.
The trick is that my anxiety and depression, I think, are borne of my trauma, and a lot of the things that happened when I was a kid. It sucks, and I wish my parents could have protected me from it or that I had been more appropriately developed before it all happened, but... they couldn't, and I was too young.
I accept who I am now, and that I will likely live with anxiety and depression the rest of my life. I have Generalized anxiety disorder, which means I am in a constantly anxious state- there are triggers to cause me more anxiety, but it takes a very, very special circumstance for me to actually relax to the point of being "normal." Often, it's either in the shower or in bed, when I'm alone and no one expects things from me. There are only two people in the world I feel safe with.
I do a lot of self care, and anytime I'm having troubles, I seek out counselling. It's sometimes funny, they go through the gambit of questions: "Do you exercise regularly? Do you meditate? Do you have a good support structure? Do you have leisure activity?" The answers are all Yes, and some of them tell me they cannot help me- that I am literally doing all that can be done to regulate my mood.
This is why I'm trying to get on disability. I can regulate my mood fine when I'm not working, and I have so many hobbies and projects that I'm rarely bored. But, if you add the stressors of work in the mix... I become an anxious, horrible mess. The longest I've lasted is 6 months. By the end, I became so anxious and depressed I was suicidal- I've never been that bad before.
I know what I need, and I know how to ask for it... my issue, as always, is convincing other people ;)
Sep 19, 2016
stargazermomma3665 Paid MemberThis may be out there in thinking but have you tried hypnosis? I have PTSD from my sons journey through cancer and even though I wasn't using hypnosis for that specifically, it did help a lot. It's just something to consider. I hope you find what you need.
Sep 19, 2016
TheMomNextDoor Paid Member
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